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45a8178 The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes. Albert Einstein
01fd254 I love to travel, but I hate to arrive. Albert Einstein
9cfe3b9 As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. Mindy Kaling
4cbd96a Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival. Mindy Kaling
90ca870 Aspen was so expensive I was surprised it wasn't entirely populated with the children of Middle Eastern oil moguls. Mindy Kaling
4ad266e The truth is, if I were going to lose weight successfully, I would have to think about what I eat constantly. I cannot imagine a life more boring and a more time-consuming obsession than being preoccupied with watching what I eat. Mindy Kaling
3291131 In my thirties, I gained a sense of calm that came from professional stability and, although this is not backed by science, a general slowing of my metabolism, which is why I can gain seven pounds from eating one heavy dinner. Mindy Kaling
01db946 They're awful fears. They're sweat-through-your-nightgown-into-your-sheets fears. I don't wish them on any of you. But if you have them too, that makes me feel better. And if you feel better knowing that I have them, I'm happy. Mindy Kaling
00dec25 People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you're succeeding. People do not get scared when you're failing. It calms them. That's why the show Intervention is a hit and everyone loves "worrying about" Amanda Bynes. But when you're winning, it makes them feel like they're losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should've tried to do something too, but now it's too late. And since they didn't, they want to sto.. Mindy Kaling
060f9ad One of the great things about women's magazines is that they accept that drinking water and sitting quietly will make your breasts huge and lips plump up to the size of two bratwursts. Mindy Kaling
265240b Greta told me when I wore an outfit that was unflattering, which was how I knew she was real. And she would do it the best way anyone had ever given me an insult: "You have so much more to offer than that skirt. Find a skirt that deserves you." Mindy Kaling
fbe059c THOUGH I WENT to a very artsy private high school in Cambridge, Massachusetts, I wasn't raised by parents with a liberal attitude toward alcohol. There was no whimsical "sip of wine at Thanksgiving" for us kids while we were still teenagers, like we were in a Noah Baumbach movie. That was for the cool Jewish kids. This was the Clinton era, and my parents were already worried about the moral deterioration of the country. So I drank skim milk.. Mindy Kaling
0ccea89 And when she's at the door, Mark stops her and he says, "I like you, very much. Just as you are." It's ridiculous that I love this so much. It's so simple. It's not a witty, perfectly phrased, Ephron-y declaration by our charming, neurotic hero. It's so ... plain. But the idea is the most beautiful thing in the world. So, obviously, it makes me cry." Mindy Kaling
5744b5b So You've Just Finished Chelsea Handler's Book, Now What? Mindy Kaling
80d7e5f I'm pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don't break a beach chair. Mindy Kaling
395c297 While I chewed on my eleven brioche rolls, I saw the likes of Gen. David Petraeus, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, and that guy from Magic Mike, who also played a hot werewolf and was supposed to have a huge wang. It was an extremely glamorous night. Mindy Kaling
0e31109 but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. Mindy Kaling
d7458c4 and I went to Dartmouth to pursue my love of white people and North Face parkas. Mindy Kaling
70209e9 Thrown-Together Disaster Funeral is my new HGTV show. It's a makeover funeral show where three flamboyant gay guys and a judgmental sassy broad (think Wanda Sykes) crash a tacky funeral and fix it. Wanda's catchphrase is "Nuh-huh. Everyone out of this church. This funeral is a disaster." Mindy Kaling
7ef9ad7 I laughed because, as everyone knows, laughing is a great way to disguise heavy breathing. Mindy Kaling
e584ab5 In an attempt to achieve the cheeky, gay-centric tone of the show, I had written a sample so over-the-top offensively gay that it actually reads like a propaganda sketch to incite antigay sentiment. Mindy Kaling
1814ecd Why didn't you talk about whether women are funny or not? I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn't. It would be the same as addressing the issue of "Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They're in the house anyway." I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues." Mindy Kaling
7f0d3f1 my attitude toward alcohol was that it was a delicious and dangerous treat that, when obtained, needed to be ingested quickly in case someone tried to take it away. You know, the way a raccoon eats from a garbage Mindy Kaling
7c2955a I cannot imagine a life more boring and a more time-consuming obsession than being preoccupied with watching what I eat. I Mindy Kaling
bdf95a7 I am a confident writer, a hothead, and have a very thin skin for any criticism. This charming combination of personality traits makes me an argument machine on our staff. Mindy Kaling
288a182 a honeymoon is, after all, a sex vacation you're giving yourself after a massive party in your honor. Mindy Kaling
9561be9 It's traumatizing to think that a best friend could become just a friend. That's because there is virtually no difference between an acquaintance and a friend. But the gulf between a friend and a best friend is enormous and profound. And Mindy Kaling
c3dd688 Hugh was in prime Jackman when he played smoldering Van Helsing. Mindy Kaling
ffe2a2c My family's dreams about a future unfettered by the limitations imposed by "who you know" and dependent only on "what you know" was possible only in this beautiful land. Their" Mindy Kaling
e74ebbe If you believe in yourself and work hard, your dreams will come true dreams work Mindy Kaling
036ec57 we loved reenacting what we saw. The Church Lady's catchphrases were our catchphrases, and we repeated them until my mother said, exasperated: "Please stop saying 'Isn't that special?' in that strange voice. It is annoying to me and to others." At" Mindy Kaling
ab1d809 If you have never seen a flight attendant praying, I hope you never do, because it is one the scariest things in the whole world. Scarier Mindy Kaling
d28b865 That was the moment when I realized how cool my life is. I was trying to hit on a guy and was being interrupted by the president of the United States. Mindy Kaling
e0ae4b1 Hard work is such a weird thing. As children and teenagers you are told it's a really good thing, but for adults it suddenly becomes the worst thing in the world. Mindy Kaling
b624301 Throwing a tantrum feels good because you think you are ruining everyone's good time when you feel your very worst. But the truth is, you're not ruining their good time, you're just giving them another good story. I Mindy Kaling
8a92d08 I think I love the scene because it reflects how love works. "Soul mates" is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes." Mindy Kaling
98642cc We have to help our girls and teach them to be confident.' Well, guess what, young girls. You aren't damsels in distress. You aren't hostages to words of your peers. You aren't the victims that even your well-meaning teachers and advocates think you are. Mindy Kaling
d2610da I don't really like organizations where people are "deemed" things." -- institutionalism organizational-culture sociology sororities Mindy Kaling
6f3d0ca I like to think of myself as the Rod Blagojevich of television. Mindy Kaling
670b9b8 Network executives usually have bad taste. It's either just a reflection of what market research tells them that normal people are into, or whatever their adolescent children are obsessed with. I have so often been on the receiving end of whatever powerful network executive's children are watching that week. That Mindy Kaling
f014ccd Later, when she got sick, B.J. came to Boston to visit her in the hospital, and he did something I will always be profoundly grateful for. He did for her what he had done for me when I was a nervous, homesick, heartbroken New York transplant hired on my first writing job on season 1 of The Office. He made her laugh. And that is why B.J. and I are soul mates, and the reason is ... because in terms of the soul, we like to ... That doesn't mak.. Mindy Kaling
1128a73 I can't for the life of me not eat something that I want to eat. You know how if you turned on a faucet in your sink to wash your hands, the idea of leaving the bathroom without turning it off is insane? That's how I am about ignoring delicious food Mindy Kaling
0687e94 One very gratifying compliment I sometimes hear is that women want to be my best friend. This endlessly amuses my actual best friend, Jocelyn, because in her estimation I'm 'a good friend, but not that great. humor Mindy Kaling
2d9e327 If you believe in yourself and work hard, your dreams will come true. * Well ... I guess the people who work hard whose dreams don't come true don't get to write books about it, so we never really find out what happens to them. So ... * If you believe in yourself and work hard, you have a fighting shot at having your dreams come true. Mindy Kaling