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97f44f6
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I think maybe, when I was very young, I witnessed a chaste cheek kiss between the two when it was impossible to avoid. Christmas, birthdays. Dry lips. On their best married days, their communications were entirely transactional: 'We're out of milk again.' (I'll get some today.) 'I need this ironed properly.' (I'll do that today.) 'How hard is it to buy milk?' (Silence.) 'You forgot to call the plumber.' (Sigh.) 'Goddammit, put on your coat, right now, and go out and get some goddamn milk. Now.' These messages and orders brought to you by my father, a mid-level phonecompany manager who treated my mother at best like an incompetent employee.
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abusive
abusive-relationship
abusive-relationships
bad-parenting
broken-home
childhood
childhood-memories
communication
depression
divorce
family
father
fight
fighting
fights
heartbreak
love
love-lost
mother
parenthood
parents
parents-and-children
relationship
sexism
silence
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Gillian Flynn |
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ba59e80
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Trying to make sense of other people's responses to us is a basic human activity. Accepting a mother's [or anyone's] anger by concluding that i is justified is a way of making sense of a difficult relationship. But this acceptance comes at a great cost, for it means that we see their cruelty as our shame.
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abusive-relationships
anger
anger-management
emotional-abuse
physical-abuse
shame
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Terri Apter |
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af94393
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... you may seek out a partner who psychologically resembles your mother and found that you have walked right back into a difficult relationship. Perhapse you chose to be close to someone who turns out to be as volatile as your mother and who inflicts discomfort all too familiar to you. Or perhaps gradually, over time, your partner or close friend becomes like your mother; that may be because you unconsciously behave in ways that encourage others to treat you as your mother did.
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abuse-recovery
abusive-relationships
mother
parents
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Terri Apter |