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| Link | Quote | Stars | Tags | Author |
| 0d93991 | Here, inmates would spend seven days and six nights being drilled on vacation etiquette. For example, they'd be taught how to read speed-limit signs; how to park within the parallel lines of a parking space; how to drink and dispose of alcohol; how to vomit inconspicuously; how to steer a Jet Ski and chew gum at the same time.... The drill instructors would be selected from an elite pool of former Highway Patrol troopers, ex-Navy SEALs, and.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 3a55117 | The innards of Ping's G5 were supposedly computer-engineered with a process called "finite-element analysis," a term that for all I know was stolen from an old Star Trek episode." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 62ff8ea | I don't care if you pack it in fucking kryptonite, that lottery ticket ain't going up your ass. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 39b1946 | Florida needs a special prison for tourists. Not all tourists--just the ones who trash the place, rob, shoplift, vandalize, drive drunk, assault the cops, puke in the alleys, pee in the medians, and so on. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| a7db887 | stick together like shit on a shoe. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 9b2fe10 | A well-regulated militia," Bode added, "like they talk about in the Second Amendment." "Oh," said Shiner. He hadn't read the first one yet." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 2c5d34a | Mr. Cabal's lawyer didn't appreciate your description of his client as 'yellow-bellied vermin culled from the stinkpot of Castro's jails for discharge at Mariel's harbor of shame. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 0bbd294 | Nope. He lives over in Boca Raton." "Oh fuck, Red." "I know, it's hor'ble. That's how come the five hundred a day." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| c949873 | by Monroe County Sheriff Sonny Summers said | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 5cb09aa | The Dragon Queen was firm: No sex, no more voodoo curses on Christopher. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| acbae1f | I didn't tell my parents what happened because they would've freaked and gone straight to Dusty Muleman, or maybe even the police, which was not how I wanted to handle it. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| a33983b | As he was pulled underwater for the final time, terror gave way to abject humiliation: he was being fucked to death by a damn fish. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 0a1061c | Dragging baits in the ocean was different than jigging for walleyes in the lake back home. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 91373b2 | Underwood." Normally" | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| d608dbd | As for Dr. Remond Courtney, his golf swing was so unusual that from a distance he appeared to be beating a snake to death. It was a very violent golf swing for a psychiatrist. He managed an eight on the first hole and still won it by two strokes. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 8ab7a4c | A big farming operation like his was a challenging enterprise, relying as it did on rampant pollution and the systematic mistreatment of immigrant labor. For Red it was no small feat to keep the feds off his back while at the same time soaking taxpayers for lucrative crop subsidies and dirt-cheap loans that might or might not be repaid this century. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 78356dd | cell phone the night he died. She'd obtained this key information | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| e23b684 | Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty. | dessert food funny humour joke | Carl Hiaasen | |
| 1dd774c | Boyd Shreave tore the page from Eugenie Fonda's memoir and, with a contemptuous flourish, wiped his ass with it. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 1d54acf | The classroom fell quiet, a long heavy silence that roared in Roy's ears like a train. | silence simile train | Carl Hiaasen | |
| 6557b29 | He paused and manufactured a chuckle. | imagery laugh | Carl Hiaasen | |
| 4915b58 | losing his hair. "Ms. Chase and me," | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 461378d | Carla Crumworthy, heiress to the Crumworthy panty-shield fortune. She had come to complain about the collagen injections that Rudy Graveline had administered to give her full, sensual lips, which is just what every rheumatoid seventy-one-year-old woman | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| a24f6ed | The message, never stated but avuncularly implied, is that America's values ought to reflect those of the Walt Disney Company and not the other way around. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| dc7a30e | and the Chamber of Commerce was handing out cyanide capsules. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 37bc009 | An hour earlier, the occupants of the Lotus had come out of a bookstore/coffeehouse across the street, where Carl Hiaasen was autographing stacks of green books. | Tim Dorsey | ||
| 772cba7 | Like all terrible golfers, Dr. Remond Courtney believed that nothing was too extravagant for his game. He wore Arnold Palmer sweaters and Tom Watson spikes, and carried a full set of Jack Nicklaus MacGregors, including a six-wood that the Golden Bear himself couldn't hit if his life depended on it. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| b5200bb | If God was my co-pilot, Yancy once groused to Burton, I'd have the fucking pedal to the metal soon as I left the garage. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 4ed4f22 | Whether he's still a threat to innocent doors remains to be seen. By | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 0f8f928 | Wahoo's father had absolutely no use for creeps who beat on small animals, especially kids. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 2f61cb7 | ass | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| cd03254 | A.Q., Keyes remembered, stood for Asshole Quotient. Skip Wiley had a well-known theory that the quality of life declined in direct proportion to the Asshole Quotient. According to Wiley's reckoning, Miami had 134 total assholes per square mile, giving it the worst A.Q. in North America. In second place was Aspen, Colorado (101), with Malibu Beach, California, finishing third at 97. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| e5dca3c | dollars! | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 8d38e19 | The detective had moved to Fort Lauderdale from St. Paul because his wife had inexplicably yearned to experience humidity. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 1d22835 | Donald Trump. I | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| f780951 | I wouldn't trust the guy alone with my bowling ball, that's what a horndog he is. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| b2c61cd | Stranahan told her not to mistake arrogance for pride. "A guy like Chaz can revive his ego with the palm of his hand." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 39acc71 | Wouldn't it be a treat, Chaz thought, to have just one goddamn day when nobody fucked with my head? | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| c986ec4 | One more crash," he'd warned my dad, "and you're fired." The guy acting like" | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 0186ae5 | Nobody with a living brain cell goes into the newspaper business for the money. They're in it because digging up the truth is interesting and consequential work, and for sheer entertainment it beats the hell out of humping product for GE or Microsoft. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 299f355 | Garrett said, "Dude, here's the killer--Dana told 'em he was you!" "Oh, nice." "What a butthead, huh?" "And they probably believed him," Roy said. "Not even for a minute." "Was he alone?" Roy asked. "Anybody else get arrested?" Anybody like Beatrice Leep's stepbrother? he wanted to say. "Nope. Just him," Garrett said, "and guess what--he's got a record!" "A record?" "A rap sheet, dude. Dana's been busted before, is what the cops told my mom.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| ee527b8 | Eugenie Fonda sat on the balcony of her sixth-floor room, fanning her freshly painted toes and watching the sun melt like sorbet into the Gulf of Mexico. Her third Bacardi was sweating cool droplets that snaked down her bare tummy. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 2bd9c71 | The vista from atop the poinciana was timeless and serene--a long string of egrets crossing the distant 'glades; a squadron of white pelicans circling a nearby bay; a pair of ospreys hovering kitelike above a tidal creek. It was a perfect picture and a perfect silence. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 3e3e6c7 | determined | Carl Hiaasen |