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| Link | Quote | Stars | Tags | Author |
| 36172f0 | The Curse of the Iguana," he muttered to himself, slouched in the rain." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 6c1ee5d | What happened to your eye, young lady?" "I fell down the stairs. What happened to your hair?" | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 2e9a3d5 | Her affliction was one of the heart, not the brain. She felt things too deeply and acted on those feelings, and for that there was no known cure. It would explain why all those medicines never worked. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 9a8f84d | ass. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 13f52b4 | devastated | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| d1681d6 | Derek wants to do this totally wild and raw." "Slow and dumb doesn't mix with wild and raw." "Thanks for your input, Mr. Cray." "Seriously. The man almost got killed by the world's laziest alligator." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 80fd1d8 | I fell down the stairs. What happened to your hair?" Raven's face purpled. "I don't know what you mean." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| a127728 | Wahoo feared he would be killed. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 32422a0 | At heart Chaz Perrone was irrefutably a cheat and a maggot, but he had always shunned violence as dutifully as a Quaker elder. Nobody who knew him, including his few friends, would have imagined him capable of homicide. Chaz himself was somewhat amazed that he'd actually gone through with it. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| a3fe13c | Charles Regis Perrone was a biologist by default. Medical school had been his first goal--specifically, a leisurely career in radiology. The promise of wealth had attracted him to health care, but as a devoted hypochondriac he was repelled by the idea of interacting with actual sick people. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| d1e4eee | Honey's outlook on men was sinking to a point of abject revulsion. The day was new, yet she'd already been ridiculed by a soulless twit and kidnapped by a reeking pervert. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 1015aa9 | It's hopeless, Honey told herself. The cocky telephone hustler would go home to Texas unchanged, as vapid and self-absorbed as ever. That a dolt so charmless could attract both a wife and a girlfriend was as dispiriting as it was inexplicable. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 1833b86 | Maureen closed her eyes. " Listen to me, Earl. It's yourself you ought to be thinking about. Life goes by so darn fast, every wasted moment is a crime." One blue eye opened and fixed on him. "And every crime is a wasted moment." | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 50112a4 | Now, re-reading Macauley by firelight, Sammy Tigertail struggled to envision the noble and fiercely insulated culture so admiringly documented in those pages. He wondered what the journalist-preacher would say about the twenty-first century clans that eagerly beckoned outsiders to tribal gambling halls, tourist traps and drive-through cigarette kiosks. For not the first time the young man contemplated the crushing likelihood that the warrio.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| e25069a | Malcolm J. Moldowsky did not hesitate to address United States Congressman Dave Dilbeck as 'a card-carrying shithead. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 66f5818 | But she's just a stripper.' Moldowsky grabbed Dilbeck's shirt. 'Fanne Fox,' he said, 'was just a stripper. Donna Rice was just a model-slash-actress. Elizabeth Ray was just a secretary who couldn't type. Gennifer Flowers was just a country singer. Don't you get it? Ask Chuck Robb. Or that horny idiot Hart. Teddy Kennedy, for pity's sake. They'll all tell you the same: in politics, stealing is trouble, but pussy is lethal. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 73f1940 | Those who ignore history are doomed to get their nuts cut. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 9fcde5f | Malcolm J. Moldowsky could see the ugliness unfolding. It would take all his subterranean talents to save the sugar bill, and he couldn't do it if Dilbeck got caught in a sex scandal. After years of slithering through political gutters, Moldowsky was still amazed at how primevally stupid most politicians could be, on any given night. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 78e24f2 | and a surly young burglar (handcuffed to his chair) who'd been bitten by a police dog in a very sensitive area of his body. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 2daa920 | In appearance though, Darrell seemed anything but a criminal. Erin was still naive enough to believe that all crooks had bad teeth, greasy hair and jailhouse tattoos. She assumed that cleancut, good-looking men enjoyed the same natural advantages as cleancut, good-lucking women: the world treated you better, and consequently there was no reason for unwholesome behavior. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 8e1c61a | I thought this was supposed to be a class neighborhood, what they call upscale. Hell, I live in a trailer park, and I wouldn't let my dogs take a leak on somebody's personal vee-hicle. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 7409f0f | Ellis dutifully opens the top half of the bisected lid... and there's Jimmy Stoma. All things considered, he looks pretty darn spiffy. Better, in fact, than he did on some of his album covers. He's so lean and fit, you wouldn't guess he once outweighed Meat Loaf. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| c7a1baa | Damn if Oprah wasn't yakking with three movie actresses about what a hassle it was to be famous and have photographers snooping around, following you to the grocery and the ATM, whatever. Tool didn't feel one tiny bit sorry for her and them other gals, on account of they was rich enough to build twenty-foot walls around their mansions if they wanted. Butlers, bodyguards, the best of everything. Tool found himself thinking about Maureen, the.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| c2cdc73 | Janet Bunterman had no reason to believe her husband, who for several years had been carrying on a relationship with a bisexual Danish couple who owned a consignment shop in Pasadena. Sometimes he accompanied them on long weekends to Ojai or Moab. Janet Bunterman tolerated Ned Bunterman's antics because he did a semi-competent job of managing their daughter's earnings, and because Janet herself was sweatily involved with her thirty year old.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 6cca44c | Okay, I'll adopt a kid. That would be huge. No, three kids! Tell Maury to get all over it.' 'Honey, no,' Janet Bunterman said. She endeavored to squelch the idea without stating the obvious: that her daughter was unfit to care for a goldfish, much less a child. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 1fdf9b4 | His face appeared to have been massaged with an industrial cheese grater and then retouched with a glue gun. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| ac259d4 | tree frogs | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 30eedf9 | Quit being an asshole, Nicky. You weren't in the medical care business, you were in the stealing business. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| be8e41a | Well, apparently, I'm trying to fix the entire human race, one flaming asshole at a time. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 9f91584 | In all the years, only one person had been foolhardy enough to try to fight Trooper Jim Tile. The boy's name was Dekle, and he was eighteen, as big and white as a Frigidaire, and just about as intelligent. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 96f72ec | Consequently the Harney High athletic department decided to focus on another sport, basketball. The first order of business was to build a gymnasium with a basketball court and some portable bleachers. The second order of business was to send a cautious delegation of coaches and teachers into the black neighborhood to recruit some good basketball players. A few old crackers in Harney huffed and swore about having to watch a bunch of skinny .. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| c3e5d60 | He was gone, unglued, lost in a pathetic blubbering panic. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 1ac113c | During the last days of his governorship, Clinton Tyree had lobbied for a somewhat tougher law. His version would have required anyone who killed a manatee to immediately forfeit his boat (no matter how luxurious) and pay a ten-thousand dollar fine or go to jail for forty-five days. The Tyree Amendment would have also required the manatee killer to bury the dead animal himself, at a public ceremony. Not surprisingly, the governor's proposal.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 5f946d1 | Merry's hair was flying everywhere so she pulled it into a ponytail. It occurred to Yancy that, in the time they'd known each other, he hadn't once seen her look at her cell phone. She never texted, tweeted, Facebooked, Instagrammed, or posted a single picture when they were together. He found this behavior alluring. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| cdf24e3 | Damn it, Billy, you did it again. People don't buy townhouses on 'canals'. 'Canal' is a dirty word. A canal is where raw sewage goes. A canal is where ducks fuck and cattle piss. Who'd want to live on a damn canal? Would you pay a hundred fifty grand to do that? No. You'd want to live on a lake. A cool, scenic lake. And lakes is what we're selling here.' 'I understand," the vice president said. Lakes it is then. Straight, narrow lakes. Lake.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 87979fb | Bodean James Gazzer had spent thirty-one years perfecting the art of assigning blame. His personal credo - everything bad that happens is someone else's fault - could, with imagination, be stretched to fit any circumstance. Bode stretched it. The intestinal unrest that occasionally afflicted him surely was the result of drinking milk taken from secretly radiated cows. The roaches in his apartment were planted by his filthy immigrant next-do.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 7697829 | Dr. Joe Allen had autopsied 3,712 murder victims during his long career as the Dade County coroner, so he had seen more indescribable carnage than perhaps any other human being in the whole United States. Throughout the years Joe Allen had charted South Florida's progress by what lay dead on his steel tables, and he was long past the point of ever being shocked or nauseated. He performed meticulous surgery, kept precise files, and compiled .. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| b20ecc2 | Sparky Harper and the Greater Miami Chamber of Commerce adored travel writers because travel writers never wrote stories about street crime, water pollution, fish kills, beach erosion, refugees, AIDS epidemics, nuclear accidents, cocaine smugglers, gun-runners, or race riots. Once in a while, a daring travel writer would mention one of these subjects in passing, but strictly in the context of a minor setback from which South Florida was plu.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| ba5afa2 | The answer is, nothing's going to happen to you. The friend who called, he put in a good word.' 'Oh, yeah?' 'Jail will not make an impression on this woman. Don't waste your time.' That's a quote. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| e163790 | Burnout is common because of the long hours, the crummy pay and the depressing nature of so much of what we write. As the saying goes, they never send us to the airport when the plane lands safely. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| b78bc08 | Up until a few years ago, I'd never had any doubts about newspaper work, never thought I'd made the wrong choice. I went into the business not because I was looking to get beat up or training to be a novelist, because I wanted to be Bob Woodward or Sy Hersh, kicking butt on the front page. Reality slowly set in and I realized that I wasn't destined for Washington or New York or even Miami, but still there were good stories; good days when I.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 143351a | A brief snapshot of Race Maggad III: rangy and blond, with a smooth plump-looking chin, narrow green eyes and a tan as smooth as peanut butter. His long aquiline nose has a permanent hump where he once whacked himself accidentally with a polo mallet. Twice weekly his fingernails are professionally polished to a porcelain sheen, and the tooth whitener of his preference is imported at no small expense from Marseille. He calls his wife 'Casey-.. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| bc2f23a | The writers had decided that Buck Nance's brothers should refer to him as 'Captain Cock' when quarreling on the show, and inevitably the sleeveless t-shirt bearing that nickname became the top seller of all Bayou Brethren merchandise. | Carl Hiaasen | ||
| 7b4e707 | The whereabouts of the other Nance brothers-- Clee Roy, Buddy, and Junior--had been ascertained. They were chilling at the forty-acre Pensacola estate leased by the network and used as an outdoor set for the fractious family barbecue scenes that closed each episode. Down the road a stretch was the rooster farm, which the clan avoided except during taping days, because of the stench. | Carl Hiaasen |