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| Link | Quote | Stars | Tags | Author |
| 84fa9d5 | Intentionality, or Being Thoughtful about Choices | Mary Pipher | ||
| be11b20 | Lovability | Mary Pipher | ||
| 43ff695 | Laughter, music, prayer, touch, truth telling, and forgiveness are universal methods of healing. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 34373d8 | In our strange and difficult times, one reason the American dream stays alive is that new people keep showing up who believe in it. And, because they believe that America is the land of freedom and opportunity and because they act on that belief, they sometimes make it true. | Mary Pipher | ||
| ce5162d | realized that this cactus with its withered arms symbolized what my life would be. It would consist of thorns and fruit, pain and beauty. My body would age; my soul would expand. | Mary Pipher | ||
| c29c592 | But even with our maturity, we must see our constraints in order to break free from them. Meridel Le Sueur wrote, "Survival is resistance." | Mary Pipher | ||
| 2cf4885 | Without a certain number of these attributes, a newcomer is unlikely to make it in America. The attributes of resilience are Future orientation Energy and good health The ability to pay attention Ambition and initiative Verbal expressiveness Positive mental health The ability to calm down Flexibility Intentionality Lovability The ability to love new people Good moral character | Mary Pipher | ||
| c8b97bd | People don't need to die for us to experience loss. Holly was losing her local family to a move. It felt to her as if there would be a death. In the 1800s, the Irish had emigration wakes for their families when they moved to America, never to return. They spoke elegies for the living. Holly felt elegiac now. Everything seemed so over. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 02116fa | culture doesn't make it easy to sort through this issue. | Mary Pipher | ||
| cab3ce0 | The English language contains the words "poignant" and "bittersweet," but it is challenging to find other words to describe the complex emotional states we feel as we run out of time. Our inner experience is too complicated to label. Without language to express the nuances, we often resort to using single words to describe complicated feelings, but emotions frequently occur in combinations, such as sorrow and rage, anger and fear, or love, .. | Mary Pipher | ||
| cc23197 | As friends or family members and caregivers, we can help a great deal by listening and empathizing with women who are in the thick of it. We can bring them small gifts...and make sure they are invited to get-togethers even if it is unlikely they will make it. When women are homebound caretakers, a daily phone call can be a lifesaver. We can acknowledge both the efforts other women are making and validate the importance of those efforts. ..... | Mary Pipher | ||
| 1059f76 | Just as Sylvia rated her pain, so can we rate our own stress on a ten point scale. When we first start doing all our stressors are eleven, but over time we learn that real tens are rare occurrences. Most stresses such as ruining a meal, forgetting an appointment, or losing a library book are only ones and twos. Just being able to assign a number to our upset emotions helps us keep our lives in perspective. | Mary Pipher | ||
| f6bbb3f | Freedom is the ability to make conscious choices in accord with our deepest values. It is the opposite of reactivity, which we could define as acting on every whim, impulse, and emotion that we experience. Reactivity leads us to self-destructive choices. Freedom requires self-awareness and the skill of choosing where to place our attention and how to frame the circumstances we find ourselves in. We all feel hopeless at times. Events have th.. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 409bede | Feeling grateful is not a moral injunction, but rather, a healthy habit that we can learn to employ with greater frequency. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 7aa794f | Good stories build good lives. When we are lonely we can remember our good times with loved ones, a blazing sunset, or our sixtieth birthday dinner when everyone told us precisely what they loved about us. When we reexamine our stories with a focus on clarity, acceptance, and resilience, we grow in confidence and joy. Our stories, if carefully considered allow us to heal from the pain of the past and live vibrantly in the present. We could .. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 280fa42 | With each new stage of life, we outgrow the strategies that worked for us at an earlier stage. We find ourselves in an environment that pelts us with more challenges than our current self can manage. If we don't grow bigger, we can become bitter. When our problems become too big for us, our healthiest response is to expand our capacities. That growth is qualitative. We become deeper, kinder to ourselves and others, and more capable of bliss.. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 58d1550 | everything interesting happens at borders. | Mary Pipher | ||
| f102d5d | Teresa was dying, she said, "I have worked for God all of my life and I know I will soon be dancing in heaven. But I wish I had danced more during my time on earth." No matter what situation she was" | Mary Pipher | ||
| 70ff6c0 | Of course, the world is not divided into two types of women: those who grow and those who don't. All of us fit into both groups almost every day of our lives. Some of the time, we are good copers and resilient human beings; in other moments, we are reactive and pessimistic. Pain, sorrow, and anger will always be with us. But with will, intentionality, and the right set of skills, we cna be happier over the long haul. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 64360c3 | Of course, the world is not divided into two types of women: those who grow and those who don't. All of us fit into both groups almost every day of our lives. Some of the time, we are good copers and resilient human beings; in other moments, we are reactive and pessimistic. Pain, sorrow, and anger will always be with us. But with will, intentionality, and the right set of skills, we can be happier over the long haul. | Mary Pipher | ||
| f166e1e | True grief never goes away. We learn to live with it. After a while our friends stop asking and we stop discussing our sorrows. It doesn't help us that much and we realize that almost everyone who we have confided in carries grief deep in their hearts too. We often decide that once again, our job is to cheer others up. Grief isn't just something to endure; it is also a reflection of our capacity to love. It allows us to understand the most .. | loss healing | Mary Pipher | |
| 18e9a14 | Change may be gradual, but our realization of it comes in bursts. | Mary Pipher | ||
| abf2ad6 | True grief never goes away. We learn to live with it. After a while our friends stop asking and we stop discussing our sorrows. It doesn't help us that much and we realize that almost everyone who we have confided in carries grief deep in their hearts too. We often decide that once again, our job is to cheer others up. Grief isn't just something to endure; it is also a reflection of our capacity to love. It allows us to understand the most .. | grief loss | Mary Pipher | |
| 8dc8373 | When transitions happen and identities change , one of our greatest challenges is to find a new sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. That sounds simple, but it isn't easy. As my doctor brother observed when he retired fro health reasons, "You can just go out and buy a pound of purpose."...We construct meaning when we chose what to do, how to help, and what stories to tell ourselves." | Mary Pipher | ||
| 5eda0e7 | When transitions happen and identities change , one of our greatest challenges is to find a new sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. That sounds simple, but it isn't easy. As my doctor brother observed when he retired for health reasons, "You can just go out and buy a pound of purpose."...We construct meaning when we chose what to do, how to help, and what stories to tell ourselves." | Mary Pipher | ||
| 92beaa9 | Those who do not suffer become insufferable. Our depth comes from experiencing a wide range of emotions, including profound tragedy and our strength comes from that which could destroy us. As we grow from heartbreak, we increase out pain tolerance. As my friend Nora put it, "Leona's death prepared me for my son's burn accident, and that prepared me for this terrible moment when my sister is dying. I know how hard life can be, so I enjoy eve.. | Mary Pipher | ||
| dd5ea37 | Estelle doesn't wish she were married or had children, but sometimes she does wish she had someone to cook her meals and give her kisses. Instead, she walks Mingus, checks her Facebook, or reads blogs and news magazines. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 71a5854 | Education is teaching children to find pleasure in the right things. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 00ed623 | her realization that friendships were necessary for happiness, | Mary Pipher | ||
| 6de8986 | Most discussions about memory in older people concern deterioration and loss, but such discussions miss an important phenomenon. Our minds become less cluttered and more concerned with essentials. We develop deeper and more integrated memories. Where we put our cell phone or sunglasses is background. Foreground is a mix of memories about family, friends, history, turning points, and crucible moments. | Mary Pipher | ||
| a20959a | One of the great gifts of our later years is the possibility of authenticity, or what Margaret Fuller called the "radiant sovereign self," which comes from growing out of fears into wholeness." | Mary Pipher | ||
| 0b4ed80 | Bliss is an illuminating experience followed by a great feeling of acceptance and calmness. Joy and gratitude are part of this experience. We hold at the same time the deepest sorrow of the world and most exalted happiness. We experience the double nature of reality. ... One of the quickest pathways to bliss is to experience a life threatening illness. All of a sudden life's sweetness and tragedy unfurl before us. When we hear that we may o.. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 1fb1967 | We don't see the world as it is, but rather as we are. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 090c46f | We don't become our wisest selves without effort. Our growth requires us to become skilled in perspective taking, in managing our emotions, in crafting positive narratives, and in forming intimate relationships. We develop the skills of building joy, gratitude, and meaning into every day. By learning these lessons, we cultivate emotional resilience. | Mary Pipher | ||
| ebceb2b | At that time, our mothers were alive, our hair was brown, and we liked to stay up past midnight. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 24749f7 | Most of us met when we were in our vigorous thirties and forties. We were smart, energetic, and moving up. But now our energy was abating and we weren't moving up anymore. Our conversations were about health, vacations, retirement, and grandchildren. | Mary Pipher | ||
| e10e765 | We wither, sag, wrinkle, crinkle, tatter, and become marked by life's events. Time and gravity, air and water wear us down, each into a unique and precious beauty, every bit as beautiful as a landscape or plant weathered by the seasons." --Stephanie Sugars" | Mary Pipher | ||
| ae32d5f | Dear sisters, I hope that we can experience bliss. I want us to sense how big life is--how intense, joyful, painful, complicated, and beautiful our lives can be. Let us embrace everything. This can be our rescue as we navigate this last stretch of the river with its treacherous currents, quicksand, deep clear waters, and silver sunsets. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 564bcb5 | Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can ... across the bridge that was built by your own | Mary Pipher | ||
| 4251f3e | desire to heal. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 408f6e4 | Resilience is built by attention and intention. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 77fc2b3 | We can take responsibility for our attitudes and focus on our strengths and our joys. | Mary Pipher | ||
| cecbbca | Sleeping beside a purring cat is the equivalent of three glasses of wine. Note: I just made that up, but, based on my experience, it seems about right. | Mary Pipher | ||
| 853e964 | This book focuses on the attitudes and skills we need in order to let go of the past, embrace the new, cope with loss, and experience wisdom, authenticity, and bliss. | Mary Pipher |