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d17c157
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It's funny when you decide you don't like someone. I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it. That's why I'm always saying I would be a great serial murderer.
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Mindy Kaling |
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944b220
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I think it's actually the more polite thing to do, because I'm not coercing partygoers into some big farewell moment with me. Then other people feel like they have to stop what they're doing and hug me, too. It's time-wasting dominoes.
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Mindy Kaling |
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608cc81
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Thus, I never learned moderation. When I arrived at Dartmouth College in 1997, my attitude toward alcohol was that it was a delicious and dangerous treat that, when obtained, needed to be ingested quickly in case someone tried to take it away. You know, the way a raccoon eats from a garbage can.
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Mindy Kaling |
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287c0aa
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Sometimes You Just Have to Put on Lip Gloss and Pretend to Be Psyched
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Mindy Kaling |
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2caccfb
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Don't be closer to twice a friend's weight than to her actual weight," I told myself."
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Mindy Kaling |
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071ed13
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But my secret is: even though I wish I could be thin, and that I could have the ease of the lifestyle that I associate with being thin, I don't wish for it with all of my heart. Because my heart is reserved for way more important things.
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Mindy Kaling |
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66e8a4c
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time-wasting dominoes
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Mindy Kaling |
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a0faa13
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When I arrived at Dartmouth College in 1997, my attitude towards alcohol was that it was that it was a delicious and dangerous treat that, when obtained, needed to be ingested quickly in case someone tried to take it away.
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Mindy Kaling |
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faa8174
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POP STAR: Oh, that's so great. I'm really looking for someone young and cool. My last guy had really antiquated ideas. ME: Asha is the best. And very young and cool. Unless of course you don't want to get your kids vaccinated, hahaha. The pop star froze and everyone went silent. Greta looked at me, eyes widening in horror. I could not have offended a group of people more quickly than if I had announced to a room of male comedy writers that ..
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Mindy Kaling |
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3cefc9b
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It was a sure sign of guilt: giving too much information about my cover story was
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Mindy Kaling |
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b0feaf9
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The key to maximizing this perception is making sure you make lots of angry and tense phone calls while your clothes are being measured.
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Mindy Kaling |
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975b0c8
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I think it's a federal crime parking meters won't accept pennies. Yeah, government, we know pennies suck. But you made them! You have to accept them!
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Mindy Kaling |
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0f5c955
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if you transcribed it, it would
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Mindy Kaling |
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758d0e1
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I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.
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Mindy Kaling |
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07fb55d
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Again, I was forced to say thank you. How I continually found myself in situations where I felt I had to say thank you to mean guys, I'm not sure.
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Mindy Kaling |
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51a1b48
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IN SEVENTH GRADE I started at a new school. On the first day, I was so anxious to make friends, I brought a family-size bag of Skittles to homeroom so I could pass them out and entice my new classmates to talk to me. "Do you like Skittles?" I asked. Kids would nod, cautiously."
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Mindy Kaling |
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c0fa001
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A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn't conversation. It'll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, "Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake..
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Mindy Kaling |
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b474f19
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the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand times more depressing than a divorced person. My friend Tim, whose name I've changed, obviously, has gotten more and more depressing since he married his girlfriend of seven years. Tim is the kind of guy who corners you at a party to tell you, vehemently, that marriage is work. And that you have to work on it constantly. And that going to couples' therapy is not on..
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Mindy Kaling |