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bf5e2e9
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At the age of six, the criteria for handsome was simply: "Is he not related to me?" and "Have I seen him on television?" That was it. By this standard, Larry Bird, Dick Clark, and Andy Rooney. All handsome guys."
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Mindy Kaling |
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8f694fc
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When I have kids I will largely follow how my parents raised me, because, like everyone else on the planet, I think my parents are perfect and so am I. But one thing I will impart to my children is "If you're scared of something, that isn't a sign that you have to do it. It probably means you shouldn't do it. Call Dad or Mom immediately."
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Mindy Kaling |
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a0f54be
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It's traumatizing to think that a best friend could become just a friend. That's because there is virtually no difference between an acquaintance and a friend. But the gulf between a friend and a best friend is enormous and profound. And if I look at it that way, I think I can see the value of a wedding. If you're my best friend and the only way I get to have dinner with you is by traveling thousands of miles, selecting a chicken or fish op..
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Mindy Kaling |
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8225449
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My parents were supportive of my creativity but did not have a lot of patience for whimsy with zero production value. They had stuff to do.
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Mindy Kaling |
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7fff164
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sometimes you like the idea of someone so much, you just want to do whatever it takes to make it work.
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Mindy Kaling |
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1c3a57a
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I never knew you could have someone in your life who was pretty much on the same page about essentially everything.
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Mindy Kaling |
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cf5194f
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When you think a girl looks pretty, say it. But don't reference the thing that might reveal you are aware of the backstage process: e.g., say, "You look gorgeous tonight," not "I like how you did your makeup tonight." Also, a compliment means less if you compliment the thing and not the way the girl is carrying it off. So say, "You look so sexy in those boots," rather than "Those boots are really cool." I didn't make the boots! I don't care..
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Mindy Kaling |
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50d69a4
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On differences between men and boys) Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been..
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men
relationships
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Mindy Kaling |
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fc79ebb
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For heaven's sake, if you don't know someone's name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone else does, where you vaguely say, "Nice to see you!" and make weak eye contact."
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Mindy Kaling |
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8830537
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He was so popular you could barely look at him without being blinded by cool.
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Mindy Kaling |
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3119f90
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People ask me all the time how I got hired onto the Office. Another common question is how do I manage to stay so down-to-earth in the face of such incredible success? ... A third frequently asked question is: "Girl, where you from? Trinidad? Guyana? Dominican Republic? You married? You got kids?" This is mostly asked by guys on the sidewalk selling I LOVE NEW YORK paraphernalia in New York City."
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Mindy Kaling |
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86f9037
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As it is, I guess I find "Jack and Diane" a little disgusting. As a child of immigrant professionals, I can't help but notice the wasteful frivolity of it all. Why are these kids not at home doing their homework? Why aren't they setting the table for dinner or helping out around the house? Who allows their kids to hang out in parking lots? Isn't that loitering? I wish there was a song called "Nguyen & Ari," a little ditty about a hardworkin..
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humor
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Mindy Kaling |
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d4c5682
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Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad..
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Mindy Kaling |
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f1710b4
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Nobody wants to hear that any aspect of my awesome life is bad. I get that. But there are days, maybe two or three times a year, when I get completely overwhelmed by my job and go to my office, lie on the floor, and cry for ten minutes. Then I think: Mindy, you have literally the best life in the world besides that hot lawyer who married George Clooney. This is what you dreamed about when you were a weird, determined little ten-year-old. Th..
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Mindy Kaling |
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dae8f9a
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There was silence. No one looked at me. People pretended to be absorbed in their phones. One writer didn't even have a phone, so he just pretended to be absorbed in his hand.
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Mindy Kaling |
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ba758f3
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I'm a role model now. ... I want to be a better person because I don't want to disappoint those girls. I stop and think about my actions more. I tip great, I try not to swear too much, and I remember to thank people and be grateful. And all that stuff I do to "appear' better has actually made me a better person. I wish I had always acted like I was a little bit famous."
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Mindy Kaling |
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ea10817
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I'm getting made fun of because I used to be fat? The laws of bullying allow you to be cruel even when the victim had made strides for improvement? This is when I realized that bullies have no code of conduct.
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Mindy Kaling |
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ab96942
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So things were coming together nicely for me to embark on a full-fledged depression. One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression.
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Mindy Kaling |
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d48a763
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The result of my not caring so much about what I say allows me to care more about how I say it.
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Mindy Kaling |
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8e9bc8b
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But it's not that I think I'm so great. I just don't hate myself. I do idiotic things all the time and I say crazy stuff I regret, but I don't let everything traumatize me. And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don't hate themselves. So that's why you need to be a little bit brave.
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Mindy Kaling |
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2f64332
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Frisbee people won't let it go. My theory is that this is because there's a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America.
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Mindy Kaling |
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86cbc6d
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I want a guy who wants to curl up on a Friday night and watch Netflix. He can even pick the show. I mean, ideally, it's serialized and female-driven,
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Mindy Kaling |
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0c18bf7
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How is your love life, Minz?" she would ask hungrily, hoping to be entertained by raunchy details. I had none. "Um, you know. So hard to meet guys," I answered vaguely, hoping my lack of a sex life would seem mysterious and not pathetic."
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Mindy Kaling |
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fd371cc
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I've always loved clothes. Like any normal woman, I would see a dress, buy it, rip the tags off with my teeth, save the buttons for ten to twelve years in a drawer, and wear it to work.
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Mindy Kaling |
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66ac204
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Throwing a tantrum feels good because you think you are ruining everyone's good time when you feel your very worst. But the truth is, you're not ruining their good time, you're just giving them another good story.
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Mindy Kaling |
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4773983
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I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed I am isn't conversation. It'll never lead anywhere.
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Mindy Kaling |
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e34f412
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Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away. Push, shove, scratch that person while they're still within arm's reach. Don't let them get away! Who knows when you'll get this opportunity again?
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Mindy Kaling |
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bcb146c
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As you can see, when I write, I like to look like I'm recovering from tuberculosis.
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Mindy Kaling |
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e02ab1d
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It's just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a "workaholic." We can't have it both ways, and children should know that. Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it."
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working-hard
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Mindy Kaling |
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90bd6c5
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There was just Mavis and me, but it never seemed lonely because we never stopped talking. I could have an argument, in earnest, about who was the best "Kid" in the Hall, without having to explain who they were. One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about. We never needed best friend gear because I guess with real friends you don't have to make it official. It just is..
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Mindy Kaling |
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4620ae3
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A honeymoon is, after all, a sex vacation you're giving yourself after a massive party in your honor.
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Mindy Kaling |
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41546ff
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No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out.
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Mindy Kaling |
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e1ea7c2
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I don't think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are "bad with names." No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people's names isn't a neurological condition; it's a choice. You choose not to make learning people's names a priority. It's like saying, "Hey, a disclaimer about me: I'm rude." For heaven's sake, if you don't know someone's name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone else does, w..
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Mindy Kaling |
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ecd5403
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What's that? You've never heard of the freshman thirty-five? That's funny, because neither had my parents, who welcomed me home on spring vacation with mild horror. I was a vaguely familiar food monster who had eaten their daughter.
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Mindy Kaling |
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246fe46
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As an adult, I've met an ocean of divorced people. I might even know more divorced people than married people, because I live in godless Los Angeles, where if you're engaged it simply means you're publicly announcing that you are dating a person monogamishly.
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Mindy Kaling |
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4873b67
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I know a small part of you thinks you could've ended up with Natalie Portman if you had played things a little differently. That's nice. You can have that. That's not hurting anybody.
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Mindy Kaling |
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2168d2b
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Gail loved to talk about how stressed she was. She would do this thing where we'd be walking in the hallway, and suddenly she'd stop in her tracks, rub both of her temples with her index and middle fingers, and theatrically let out a deep guttural moan: "Mooooog." "Mooog. Minz. I am just so stressed out," she'd say. "I just want to go home, open a bottle of red wine, draw up a hot bath, light some candles and listen to David Gray." A note ..
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Mindy Kaling |
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9e19fc6
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If you're reading this, you're probably a woman. Or perhaps you're a gay man getting a present for your even gayer friend. Maybe you accidentally bought this thinking it was the Malala book.
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Mindy Kaling |
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aa066c5
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So much of college is girls labeling other girls terrible things when they don't like their behavior, but using concerned language so they have plausible deniability is they get accused of being bitches: That girl is not cheerfully doing what the rest of us are doing, so she is probably 'depressed' or 'has an eating disorder' or 'is weird with guys,' and so on.
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Mindy Kaling |
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063a3e7
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When I pick songs for karaoke, I have three concerns: (1) What will this song say about me? (2) How will I sound singing it? and (3) How will it make people feel?
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Mindy Kaling |
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f9e73de
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It's weird when you feel your dream slipping away from you. Especially when you have no other dreams.
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Mindy Kaling |
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f46600b
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Thank you, Teach for America! Luring away America's finest minds so that the rest of us can snatch up their jobs.)
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Mindy Kaling |
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ecaca33
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That is why I, a noted Hollywood bad boy with nothing to lose, must be the person to tell the truth. Sex scenes are the tits. You're welcome.
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Mindy Kaling |
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e7cc0fb
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IF OUR PHONE CONVERSATION GETS DISCONNECTED, THERE'S NO NEED TO CALL BACK I get it. You get it. We take forever getting off the phone anyway. This was a blessing.
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Mindy Kaling |