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92974de
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Luckily, I was not born a white man.* *This has never before been said in the history of humanity.
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feminism
feminist
humor
humorous-quotes
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Mindy Kaling |
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0e0e97b
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When Your Boyfriend Fits into Your Jeans and Other Atrocities
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Mindy Kaling |
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eef68d5
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Ah! There is a plane crash in Lost and now we are going to die in a plane crash while watching Lost! And I'm too scared to tell anyone my cool observation!
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Mindy Kaling |
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71b95f7
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Playful arguments would become fits of uncontrollable laughter, and, like magic, that experience would be crystallized into a private joke, and the private joke would get boiled down to a simple phrase, which became a
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Mindy Kaling |
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e46f9c0
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Later, when you're grown up, you realize you never get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that's it.
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Mindy Kaling |
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5d7121e
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B.J. and I watched Lost on his portable DVD player, which is just about the most 2007 thing you can do.
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Mindy Kaling |
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409b56a
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it's blue and it's wailing because its little body is cold. The only people who think it's beautiful are its parents, and the doctor is just happy it's alive. And none of that is funny.
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Mindy Kaling |
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fbe615d
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I am telling you, the key to looking gorgeous is to never sit up straight. It implies you have not eaten enough to have the strength to sit like a regular person, which historically is sexy to everyone.
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Mindy Kaling |
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3940cd5
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Confidence is just entitlement. Entitlement has gotten a bad rap because it's used almost exclusively for the useless children of the rich, reality TV stars, and Conrad Hilton Jr., who gets kicked off an airplane for smoking pot in the lavatory and calling people peasants or whatever. But entitlement in and of itself isn't so bad. Entitlement is simply the belief that you deserve something. Which is great. The hard part is, you'd better mak..
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Mindy Kaling |
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9ee299c
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Here's how I think you can get your confidence back, kid: Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn't always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now,
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Mindy Kaling |
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312faf8
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And though you understand the pecking order and respect the judge--and even if the judge says "Great argument, Counselor Kaling, the court concurs"--you also just want to not have to plead your case all the time. I wanted to be the judge, jury, and executive producer. (See what I did there?)"
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Mindy Kaling |
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5d043c2
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But my secret is: even though I wish I could be thin, and that I could have the ease of lifestyle that I associate with being thin, I don't wish for it with all of my heart. Because my heart is reserved for way more important things.
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Mindy Kaling |
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af12a67
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Every average-looking American is just a treadmill and six laser hair-removal sessions away from looking like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively (who are a great couple, by the way).
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Mindy Kaling |
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0f2b3fc
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I spent a great deal of my youth fantasizing about entertaining. In my early twenties I would spend hours poring over cookbooks at the Seventh Avenue Barnes & Noble in Park Slope, planning elaborate parties that I would throw when I was older and had money. Now I am older and have money, but I almost never entertain. I have yet to throw my Great Gatsby-themed Super Bowl viewing party, but when I do, it will be a big hit, as will be my Daisy..
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Mindy Kaling |
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1fc8299
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I've enjoyed an endless supply of free paper, paperclips, envelopes, and office supplies since joining The Office, because I steal props on a regular basis.
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Mindy Kaling |
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c48b697
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Once, while living in New York City in the early 2000s, I was asked to leave a sports bar because the Yankees were playing my hometown Red Sox on TV and I lost my cool at a guy who was loudly dissing them. I yelled, "Derek Jeter is baseball's Hitler!"
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Mindy Kaling |
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99c8d1c
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When you are entitled, you are the most insufferable person ever. If you are entitled and hardworking, which I am, you are still pretty insufferable, but at least you somewhat earned your entitled behavior. For
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Mindy Kaling |
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6470f09
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Guys I've dated have been into me the way I am; and (4) I'm pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don't break a beach chair.
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Mindy Kaling |
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0d3961a
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From now on, let's all agree that hooking up = sex. Everything else is "made out." And if you're older than twenty-eight, then just kissing someone doesn't count for crap and is not even worth mentioning. Unless you're Mormon, in which case you're going to hell."
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Mindy Kaling |
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3d3cbce
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I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. Then I just lap it up. There is no difference between Ripley from Alien and any Katherine Heigl character. They're all participating in the same level of made-up awesomeness, and I enjoy every second of it.
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Mindy Kaling |
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a97d5b6
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Learning about new hot sauces is the least expensive way to improve my quality of life.
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Mindy Kaling |
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134729d
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I'll get you, you clique-y sons of bitches," I thought. You know what? I never did get them. I'm just realizing now. I should totally still get them."
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Mindy Kaling |
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1039e2a
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Because a honeymoon is, after all, a sex vacation you're giving yourself after a massive party in your honor.
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Mindy Kaling |
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28be8b7
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I really ought to send him some money, but, honestly, he doesn't need it. He has that sweet Despicable Me money.
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Mindy Kaling |
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8769557
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Why didn't you talk about whether women are funny or not? I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn't. It would be the same as addressing the issue of 'Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They're in the house anyway.' I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues.
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feminism
women
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Mindy Kaling |
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33cdc3d
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The truth is, it's hard to get people to like you, but it's even harder to keep people liking you. You'd have to bring in Skittles every single day.
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Mindy Kaling |
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b5693ca
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I know many friends who loved their sororities. I wasn't traumatized. I was just bored.
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Mindy Kaling |
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74e56db
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7. Have one great cologne that's not from the drugstore. Just one. Wear very little of it, all the time. I cannot tell you how sexy it is to be enveloped in a hug by a man whose smell you remember. Then, anytime I smell that cologne, I think of you.
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Mindy Kaling |
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24c1996
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I'm the kind of person who becomes silent when I get scared, because I hope Death will not notice me if I am very still and very quiet. It has worked well so far.
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Mindy Kaling |
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6d674bf
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I've found that a well-fitting padded bra can transform me from a pear-shaped woman to an hourglass-shaped woman. Okay, maybe not hourglass-shaped, but definitely, say, an egg-timer-shaped woman.
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Mindy Kaling |
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de3cc2b
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The first thing you need to know is that the hair on your head is worthless. The color, the length, the thickness, everything. You will never see anyone on TV sporting their own God-given hair, unless it's on, like, a sad miniseries about factory workers in East Germany. The same goes for hair color. Yes, your natural color may be appropriate for your skin tone, but this isn't the land of appropriate--this is Hollywood, baby.
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Mindy Kaling |
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21fb905
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It wasn't until later that I realized Paul's quietness was a result of his confidence. He didn't need to shout to be heard.
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Mindy Kaling |
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d4e7bad
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My theory is that this is because there's a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America. The same instinct to make at-risk kids learn, which I admire so much, becomes deadly when turned on friends trying to relax on a Sunday afternoon in the park.
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Mindy Kaling |
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a1242ac
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I love romantic comedies. I feel almost sheepish writing that, because the genre has been so degraded in the past twenty years or so that admitting you like these movies is essentially an admission of mild stupidity. But that has not stopped me from watching them.
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Mindy Kaling |
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8976f02
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I've found my productive-writing-to-screwing-around ratio to be one to seven. So, for every eight-hour day of writing, there is only one good productive hour of work being done. The other seven hours are preparing for writing: pacing around the house, collapsing cardboard boxes for recycling, reading the DVD extras pamphlet from the BBC Pride & Prejudice, getting snacks lined up for writing, and YouTubing toddlers who learned the "Single La..
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Mindy Kaling |
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7b64ae3
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I love diet soda; when I drink juice or regular soda it makes my blood sugar spike and I act like a cracked out Rachael Ray, but without the helpful household tips.
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Mindy Kaling |
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89d258c
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When most people sing karaoke, they think of themselves as contestants on American Idol, and they sing and perform their hearts out. But I really think people should be thinking of themselves more as temporary DJs for the party. It's kind of a responsibility. It's up to you to sing a kick-ass upbeat song that sets the mood for your friends to have fun, drink, and pick up girls and guys.
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Mindy Kaling |
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f8948bc
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One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression.
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Mindy Kaling |
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41e411b
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Soulmates" is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes."
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humor
love
relationships
the-office
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Mindy Kaling |
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0f56218
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It's been proven that writers are funnier when they are demoralized.
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Mindy Kaling |
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af451a2
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We clung to each other with blind loyalty, like Lord Voldemort and his snake, Nagini. I, of course, was Nagini. If you messed with one of us, you knew you messed with both of us, and Voldemort was going to cast a murder spell on you, or Nagini was going to chomp on your jugular.
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Mindy Kaling |
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c30f5d2
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The laws of bullying allow you to be cruel even when the victim had made strides for improvement? This is when I realized that bullies have no code of conduct.
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Mindy Kaling |
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8155672
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We did not stage kiss because we didn't know any better. It was just lights, camera, tongue-dance.
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Mindy Kaling |
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56b303d
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You take your mentoring where you can find it, even if it is not being offered to you. Have you ever used your neighbor's Wi-Fi when it wasn't on a password? If you have the opportunity to observe someone at work, you are getting mentoring out of them even if they are unaware or resistant. Make a list of the people you think would make the greatest mentors and try to get close enough to steal their Wi-Fi.
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Mindy Kaling |