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48785ec
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Also, I find it extremely impossible not to cry when I hear Stevie Nicks's "Landslide," especially the lyric: "I've been afraid of changing, because I've built my life around you." I think a good test to see if a human is actually a robot/android/cylon is to have them listen to this song lyric and study their reaction. If they don't cry, you should stab them through the heart. You will find a fusebox."
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Mindy Kaling |
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da3929a
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In my entire life, I never once heard either of my parents say they were stressed. That was just not a phrase I grew up being allowed to say. That, and the concept of "Me time."
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Mindy Kaling |
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52bd173
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I discovered that kids hate for any food to resemble the form it originally was in nature. They are on to something because that processed garbage was insanely delicious.
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Mindy Kaling |
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88e7ed1
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Entitlement is simply the belief that you deserve something. Which is great. The hard part is, you'd better make sure you deserve it. So, how did I make sure that I deserved it? To answer that, I would like to quote from the Twitter bio of one of my favorite people, Kevin Hart. It reads: My name is Kevin Hart and I WORK HARD!!! That pretty much sums me up!!! Everybody Wants To Be Famous But Nobody Wants To Do The Work!
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inspirational
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Mindy Kaling |
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149a17b
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It was October 2001 and I lived in New York City. I was twenty two. I, like many of my female friends, suffered from a strange combination of post 9/11 anxiety and height of Sex and the City anxiety. They are distinct and unnerving anxieties. The questions that ran through my ming were something like this: 'Should I keep a gas mask in my kitchen? Am I supposed to be able to afford Manolo Blahnik shoes? What is Barneys New York? You're tryin..
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youth
women
sex-and-the-city
twenties
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Mindy Kaling |
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027acd7
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I especially like eavesdropping on women my age. Besides being titillating, it also helps me gauge where I'm at in comparison.
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women
eavesdropping
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Mindy Kaling |
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8ca19c7
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I knew the truth, which is if someone really wants to see you, they always find a way. Always. That
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Mindy Kaling |
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75fff42
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They gave you that trophy so you wouldn't feel bad, not because you deserved it. You should know the difference.
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Mindy Kaling |
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21eec81
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Edward Albee, our greatest living playwright, American treasure, who watched Doubt from beginning to end and loved it, all while a bored B. J. Novak slept on him.
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Mindy Kaling |
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b599b9d
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writing, at its heart, is a solitary pursuit, designed to make people depressoids, drug addicts, misanthropes, and antisocial weirdos
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Mindy Kaling |
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87675d9
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If you believe in yourself and work hard, your dreams will come true. Well...I guess the people who work hard whose dreams come true don't get to write books about it, so we never really find out what happens to them. So... If you believe in yourself and work hard, you have a fighting shot at having your dreams come true.
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life-lessons
humor
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Mindy Kaling |
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620c71d
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Cat Hats: Sixteen Paper Hats to Put on Your Unsuspecting Kitty.
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Mindy Kaling |
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69f9f0e
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Just as long as it pays enough to give me the option to go back to work part-time if I decide to pursue my hobby professionally, which is photographing cool manicures for Instagram.
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Mindy Kaling |
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f254a6a
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It felt to me like I was making more of an effort than he was, and when I sensed that, I pulled back, not returning his calls or texts because I felt hurt. But none of that mattered, because I knew the truth, which is if someone really wants to see you, they always find a way. Always. That hurt my heart, but I realized, unlike in past relationships when I was younger, it didn't need to be dramatic. Will and I didn't know each other that wel..
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Mindy Kaling |
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b283db6
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As a bridesmaid, on the morning of the wedding you will be unfolding the rusty metal legs of a banquet table and in the distance you will see a useless groomsman playing Frisbee with a dog. To rub salt in the wound, he might lightly ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" knowing full well no self-respecting bridesmaid will task him with any job because he will do it too slowly."
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Mindy Kaling |
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0b1bd7f
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I just sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that corporations are co-opting "girl confidence" language to rally girls into buying body wash. Be careful."
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Mindy Kaling |
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2afad09
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If I can give one bit of advice to any drama major, high school theater kid, or inmate who is reading this in a prison library with dreams of being cast in the prison play, it's this: write your own part. It is the only way I've gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny into your own hands. It forces you to think about what your strengths really are, and once you find them, you can showcase them, and no..
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Mindy Kaling |
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f15501e
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Teenage girls, please don't worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. Not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life.
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Mindy Kaling |
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1fd7fb8
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The idealism and adorability of Rob Lowe and Bradley Whitford had made me long for a civic-minded beau who is constantly making long, important speeches and taking principled stands.
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Mindy Kaling |
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66ca241
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GHOSTBUSTERS I always wanted the reboot of Ghostbusters to be four girl-ghostbusters. Like, four normal, plucky women living in New York City searching for Mr. Right and trying to find jobs--but who also bust ghosts. I'm not an idiot, though. I know the demographic for Ghostbusters is teenage boys, and I know they would kill themselves if two ghostbusters had a makeover at Sephora. I just have always wanted to see a cool girl having her fir..
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Mindy Kaling |
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fc3f0e9
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the Yankees were playing my hometown Red Sox on TV and I lost my cool at a guy who was loudly dissing them. I yelled, "Derek Jeter is baseball's Hitler!" This was in New York City. In a room full of Jewish sports fans. I don't even really like baseball that much! I have problems."
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Mindy Kaling |
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83f9929
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With no music to listen to, I just biked around in circles talking to myself like a kid on the cover of a Robert Cormier young adult novel,
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Mindy Kaling |
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77f098f
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I think widespread, online displays of female self-confidence are good for people, especially men, to see.
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Mindy Kaling |
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9cfe3b9
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As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends.
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Mindy Kaling |
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4cbd96a
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Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival.
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Mindy Kaling |
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90ca870
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Aspen was so expensive I was surprised it wasn't entirely populated with the children of Middle Eastern oil moguls.
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Mindy Kaling |
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4ad266e
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The truth is, if I were going to lose weight successfully, I would have to think about what I eat constantly. I cannot imagine a life more boring and a more time-consuming obsession than being preoccupied with watching what I eat.
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Mindy Kaling |
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3291131
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In my thirties, I gained a sense of calm that came from professional stability and, although this is not backed by science, a general slowing of my metabolism, which is why I can gain seven pounds from eating one heavy dinner.
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Mindy Kaling |
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01db946
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They're awful fears. They're sweat-through-your-nightgown-into-your-sheets fears. I don't wish them on any of you. But if you have them too, that makes me feel better. And if you feel better knowing that I have them, I'm happy.
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Mindy Kaling |
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00dec25
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People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you're succeeding. People do not get scared when you're failing. It calms them. That's why the show Intervention is a hit and everyone loves "worrying about" Amanda Bynes. But when you're winning, it makes them feel like they're losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should've tried to do something too, but now it's too late. And since they didn't, they want to sto..
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Mindy Kaling |
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060f9ad
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One of the great things about women's magazines is that they accept that drinking water and sitting quietly will make your breasts huge and lips plump up to the size of two bratwursts.
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Mindy Kaling |
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265240b
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Greta told me when I wore an outfit that was unflattering, which was how I knew she was real. And she would do it the best way anyone had ever given me an insult: "You have so much more to offer than that skirt. Find a skirt that deserves you."
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Mindy Kaling |
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fbe059c
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THOUGH I WENT to a very artsy private high school in Cambridge, Massachusetts, I wasn't raised by parents with a liberal attitude toward alcohol. There was no whimsical "sip of wine at Thanksgiving" for us kids while we were still teenagers, like we were in a Noah Baumbach movie. That was for the cool Jewish kids. This was the Clinton era, and my parents were already worried about the moral deterioration of the country. So I drank skim milk..
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Mindy Kaling |
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0ccea89
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And when she's at the door, Mark stops her and he says, "I like you, very much. Just as you are." It's ridiculous that I love this so much. It's so simple. It's not a witty, perfectly phrased, Ephron-y declaration by our charming, neurotic hero. It's so ... plain. But the idea is the most beautiful thing in the world. So, obviously, it makes me cry."
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Mindy Kaling |
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5744b5b
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So You've Just Finished Chelsea Handler's Book, Now What?
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Mindy Kaling |
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80d7e5f
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I'm pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don't break a beach chair.
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Mindy Kaling |
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395c297
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While I chewed on my eleven brioche rolls, I saw the likes of Gen. David Petraeus, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, and that guy from Magic Mike, who also played a hot werewolf and was supposed to have a huge wang. It was an extremely glamorous night.
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Mindy Kaling |
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0e31109
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but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life.
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Mindy Kaling |
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d7458c4
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and I went to Dartmouth to pursue my love of white people and North Face parkas.
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Mindy Kaling |
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70209e9
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Thrown-Together Disaster Funeral is my new HGTV show. It's a makeover funeral show where three flamboyant gay guys and a judgmental sassy broad (think Wanda Sykes) crash a tacky funeral and fix it. Wanda's catchphrase is "Nuh-huh. Everyone out of this church. This funeral is a disaster."
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Mindy Kaling |
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7ef9ad7
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I laughed because, as everyone knows, laughing is a great way to disguise heavy breathing.
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Mindy Kaling |
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e584ab5
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In an attempt to achieve the cheeky, gay-centric tone of the show, I had written a sample so over-the-top offensively gay that it actually reads like a propaganda sketch to incite antigay sentiment.
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Mindy Kaling |
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1814ecd
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Why didn't you talk about whether women are funny or not? I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn't. It would be the same as addressing the issue of "Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They're in the house anyway." I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues."
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Mindy Kaling |
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7f0d3f1
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my attitude toward alcohol was that it was a delicious and dangerous treat that, when obtained, needed to be ingested quickly in case someone tried to take it away. You know, the way a raccoon eats from a garbage
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Mindy Kaling |