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The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: 'I'm a fraud! Oh god, they're on to me! I'm a fraud!
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It comes from gratitude for what's good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck. It comes from analyzing how we process grief and from simply accepting that grief. Sometimes we have less control than we think. Other times we have more. I
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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At Dave's funeral, I said that if on the day I walked down the aisle with him, someone had told me that we would have only eleven years together, I would still have walked down that aisle. Eleven years of being Dave's wife and ten years of being a parent with him is perhaps more luck and more happiness than I could ever have imagined. I am grateful for every minute we had.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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This helps explain why for many women, speaking honestly in a professional environment carries an additional set of fears: Fear of not being considered a team player. Fear of seeming negative or nagging. Fear that constructive criticism will come across as just plain old criticism. Fear that by speaking up, we will call attention to ourselves, which might open us up to attack (a fear brought to us by that same voice in the back of our heads..
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Within traditional institutions, success has often been contingent upon a woman not speaking out but fitting in, or more colloquially, being "one of the guys."
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Author Bruce Feiler believes the problem lies in the offer to "do anything." He writes that "while well meaning, this gesture unintentionally shifts the obligation to the aggrieved. Instead of offering 'anything,' just do something."
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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I also know that in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Currently, only 24 percent of women in the United States say that they consider themselves feminists. Yet when offered a more specific definition of feminism--"A feminist is someone who believes in social, political, and economic equality of the sexes"--the percentage of women who agree rises to 65 percent."
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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The costs of placing a four-year-old and an infant in child care exceed annual median rent payments in every state. Despite
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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If you do please everyone, you aren't making enough progress.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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When I don't feel confident, one tactic I've learned is that it sometimes helps to fake it.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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One of the things I tell people these days is that there is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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We move closer to the larger goal of true equality with each woman who leans in.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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I learned that friendship isn't only what you can give, it's what you're able to receive.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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One day she woke up and understood we are all in this together.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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We all want the same thing: to feel comfortable with our choices and to feel validated by those around us. So let's start by validating one another. Mothers who work outside the home should regard mothers who work inside the home as real workers. And mothers who work inside the home should be equally respectful of those choosing another option. A
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Not only do we learn more from failure than success, we learn more from bigger failures because we scrutinize them more closely. Long
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Option A is not available. So let's just kick the shit out of Option B." Life is never perfect. We all live some form of Option B. This book is to help us all kick the shit out of it."
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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755fb11
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What helped him build resilience the most, he told me, was overcoming pervasiveness: "Extreme compartmentalization may be my biggest superpower," he said, laughing. If a project doesn't turn out the way he wanted, Byron remembers that things could always be worse. "I say to myself and to others all the time, 'Is anyone gonna die?' That's the worst--I'm not afraid of failure." Byron"
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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I'm giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them." Now"
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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A day of
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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She was undergoing daily radiation treatments, which were physically draining and made her forgetful. "In any version of picturing this moment--that fantasy of what you want to be--I would have been strong, smart, and inspiring confidence," she told me. "I wanted to be a role model in that perfect 'put together' sense. Instead, I told them I had cancer and would need their support." Their"
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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He discovered that his own reaction to his disability influenced how others reacted, which meant he could control how he was perceived.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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I turned to her and said, "I can't believe you are going through this again. How are you okay? How can you possibly be okay?" She said, "I didn't die. Mel did and Dave did, but I am alive. And I am going to live." She put her arm around me and said, "And you are going to live too." Then she completely stunned me by adding, "And you are not only going to live, but you are going to get remarried one day--and I am going to be there to celebrat..
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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While they suffered an irreparable loss, my children are still fortunate. Nothing will bring their father back, but our circumstances have softened the blow. This is not the case for many children facing heartbreaking difficulties. Two out of ten U.S. children of all backgrounds live in poverty, and one-third of black and close to one-third of Latino children are poor. Forty-three percent of children of single mothers live in poverty. More ..
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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We can start by helping children develop four core beliefs: (1) they have some control over their lives; (2) they can learn from failure; (3) they matter as human beings; and (4) they have real strengths to rely on and share. These
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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3d946c0
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I almost hate to say this, but I am the happiest I have ever been in my life," she told me. "Sometimes it takes going through something so awful to realize the beauty that is out there in this world." Brain"
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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b5182d9
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Hundreds of studies have shown that children and adults recover more quickly when they realize that hardships aren't entirely their fault, don't affect every aspect of their lives, and won't follow them everywhere forever.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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53b7f2b
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After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P's can stunt recovery: (1) personalization--the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness--the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence--the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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b5c9f1d
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If a woman is competent, she does not seem nice enough. If a woman seems really nice, she is considered more nice than competent. Since people want to hire and promote those who are both competent and nice, this creates a huge stumbling block for women.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Most of the trip was a blur, but on the last day, I sat down for breakfast with several of the roommates, including Jeff King, who had been diagnosed years earlier with multiple sclerosis. Dave and I had discussed Jeff's illness many times with each other, but that morning I realized that I had never actually spoken with Jeff about it. Hello, Elephant. "Jeff," I said, "how are you? I mean, really, how are you? How are you feeling? Are you s..
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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when something terrible happens, it can be important to consider how things could be worse.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Although pundits and politicians, usually male, often claim that motherhood is the most important and difficult work of all, women who take time out of the workforce pay a big career penalty. Only 74 percent of professional women will rejoin the workforce in any capacity, and only 40 percent will return to full-time jobs.14 Those who do rejoin will often see their earnings decrease dramatically. Controlling for education and hours worked, w..
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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7b123d0
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Our culture needs to find a robust image of female success that is first, not male, and second, not a white woman on the phone, holding a crying baby.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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As psychologist David Caruso observes, "American culture demands that the answer to the question 'How are you?' is not just 'Good.'...We need to be 'Awesome.' " Caruso adds, "There's this relentless drive to mask the expression of our true underlying feelings." Admitting that you're having a rough time is "almost inappropriate." Anna"
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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To quote the Roman philosopher Seneca (and the song "Closing Time"): "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Employed mothers and fathers both struggle with multiple responsibilities, but mothers also have to endure the rude questions and accusatory looks that remind us that we're shortchanging both our jobs and our children.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Cancer is another forbidden or "whisper" topic. I read about a writer named Emily McDowell who said the worst part of being diagnosed with lymphoma wasn't feeling sick from chemo or losing her hair. "It was the loneliness and isolation I felt when many of my close friends and family members disappeared because they didn't know what to say, or said the absolute wrong thing without realizing it." In response, Emily created "empathy cards." I ..
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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That's the thing about faith...it helps you know that sooner or later this too shall pass.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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True equality will only be achieved when we all fight the stereotypes that hold us back.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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It is a painful truth that one of the obstacles to more women gaining power has sometimes been women already in power.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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Often without realising it, women internalise disparaging cultural attitudes and then echo them back. As a result, women are not just victims of sexist, they can also be perpetrators.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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da68239
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Of Yale alumni who had reached their forties by 2000, only 56 percent of the women remained in the workforce, compared with 90 percent of the men.13 This exodus of highly educated women is a major contributor to the leadership gap.
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Sheryl Sandberg |
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When a couple announces that they are having a baby, everyone says, "Congratulations!" to the man and "Congratulations! What are you planning on doing about work?" to the woman. The broadly held assumption is that raising their child is her responsibility. In more than thirty years, this perception has changed very little. A survey of the Princeton class of 1975 found that 54 percent of the women foresaw work-family conflict compared to 26 ..
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Sheryl Sandberg |