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254c784
|
Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out?" Lula"
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Janet Evanovich |
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305e5b7
|
You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you." "You are such a cop." "Tell me about it."
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stephanie
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Janet Evanovich |
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f7bf0e9
|
I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset." Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler."
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Janet Evanovich |
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367dfd8
|
Did you take Joyce's engine?' 'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.
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Janet Evanovich |
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684cdf6
|
I felt my cell phone buzz, and I looked at the screen. Ranger. "Your GPS just went blank," Ranger said when I answered. "The car exploded." There was a beat of silence. "Rafael won the pool," Ranger said. "Are you okay?" "Yes." "I'll send someone."
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Janet Evanovich |
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d2c558c
|
You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet." "You're lucky I didn't sue you." "You're lucky I didn't put the car into reverse and back over you three or four times."
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Janet Evanovich |
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338dafc
|
Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli. "No. Were discussing." "Are you sure?" "Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords on my neck standing out? Am I waving my arms around?" "No." "The were not fighting."
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stephanie
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Janet Evanovich |
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29f414c
|
I don't believe this," Morelli yelled. "I don't fucking believe this. What do you do, sit in bed at night and think about ways to fuck up my life?"
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stephanie-plum
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Janet Evanovich |
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ffe2569
|
Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton. [Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit loose in Trenton.
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new-jersey
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Janet Evanovich |
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eb49324
|
You could be the Mega Mage of wizards. You could rule Minionfire. Do you really think so?' Yeah, but you'd have to make a deal with the wood elves.'
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Janet Evanovich |
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a63cc3b
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I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down." Grandma Mazur" --
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Janet Evanovich |
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76cfb66
|
Ranger cradled my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. "The ceremony is over. Can you make it back to the car?" I nodded. "I'm okay now. Am I red and blotchy from crying?" "Yes," Ranger said, brushing a kiss across my forehead. "I love you anyway." "There's all kinds of love," I said. Ranger took me by the hand and led me back to the SUV. "This is the kind that doesn't call for a ring. But a condom might come ..
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lust
|
Janet Evanovich |
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94891f9
|
When I was a little girl I wanted to be a reindeer-the flying kind. I spent a couple years galloping around looking for lichen and fantasizing about boy reindeer. Then one day I saw Peter Pan and my reindeer phase was over. I didn't understand the allure of not growing up, because every little girl got boobs and go steady. I did understand that a flying Peter Pan was better than a flying reindeer. Mary Lou had seen Peter Pan too, but Mary L..
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Janet Evanovich |
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4ee82e2
|
You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said. "I just enter. I don't usually break." "You broke down Pitch's door." "Lost my temper." -Ranger and Stephanie"
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ranger
stephanie-plum
|
Janet Evanovich |
|
ca2a939
|
Omygod, I haven't got years. I'll have to hide in the Bat Cave." "Once you go to the Bat Cave it's forever, babe." Eeek."
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Janet Evanovich |
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288a689
|
You're a magnet for mess. I've never seen anything like it. Lula to Stephanie
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Janet Evanovich |
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8880974
|
There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect" Stephanie"
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Janet Evanovich |
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ca67336
|
You're such a cupcake.
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Janet Evanovich |
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447b97e
|
My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.
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Janet Evanovich |
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73ad9ea
|
The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting."
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grandma-mazur
|
Janet Evanovich |
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1c1325d
|
I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone to..
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stephanie-plum
|
Janet Evanovich |
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6ac5f46
|
It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence." Joe Morelli"
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Janet Evanovich |
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4e59b05
|
With the exception of dessert, food is food.
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Janet Evanovich |
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d53b1fd
|
I can't cut back. I've turned into a sex addict. I get within a foot of Ranger or Morelli and I'm ready to go ... and go, and go, and go, and go." "That's a lot of going. I'm a retired professional, and it'd be a lot of going even for me. What you need are granny panties. You put on a big ol' pair of ugly granny panties and you won't be dropping your drawers no more. And even if you forget in the heat of the moment, and you pull your skirt ..
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Janet Evanovich |
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528049e
|
God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.
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Janet Evanovich |
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000f71f
|
When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don't need ironing.
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Janet Evanovich |
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ee3b17b
|
Nice tackle, babe." Ranger"
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Janet Evanovich |
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6399fd2
|
He specializes in virgins! The brush of his fingertips turns virgins into slobbering mush." Mary Lou Molnar"
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|
Janet Evanovich |
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6369ca4
|
Holy Crap,' Carolli said. 'You shot Jesus. That's gonna take a lot of Hail Marys.
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Janet Evanovich |
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e83ecf0
|
Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked."
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|
romance
stephanie-plum-ranger
|
Janet Evanovich |
|
118ca6d
|
Valerie was crying, too. She was laughing and sniffling back sobs. "I'm going to marry my snuggy wuggums," she said. Morelli paused, his fork halfway to the roast chicken platter. He slid his eyes to me and leaned close. "If you ever call me snuggy wuggums in public I'll lock you in the cellar and chain you to the furnace." --
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Janet Evanovich |
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055bffa
|
Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either."
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Janet Evanovich |
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84e999e
|
You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym."
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sex
humor
mirror
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Janet Evanovich |
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3e0dc9e
|
Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now." She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh."
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stephanie
|
Janet Evanovich |
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7e7a513
|
Stephanie] 'You see, Mrs. Mayer was going on about George's lodge, and how he wanted to be buried with his ring, and so Grandma had to check the ring out, and in the process broke off one of George's fingers. Turns out the finger was wax. Somehow Kenny got into the mortuary this morning, left Spiro a note, and chopped off George's finger. And then while I was at the mall tonight with Mary Lou, Kenny threatened me in the shoe department. Tha..
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Janet Evanovich |
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fd6562b
|
Ranger Smiled. 'You want me to be Superman? Spend the night with me.
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|
Janet Evanovich |
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07ea091
|
The kid pulled a Buck knife out of his pants pocket. "How about giving me your purse, bitch?" Sally hiked up his skirt, reached into his briefs and pulled out a Glock. "How about using that knife to slice off your balls?" Lula whipped a gun out of her red satin purse and Grandma hauled out her .45 long-barrel. "Day my make, punk," Grandma said. "Hey, I don't want any trouble," the kid said. "We were just having some fun." "I want to s..
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Janet Evanovich |
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cba0a45
|
Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie"
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|
ranger
stephanie-plum
|
Janet Evanovich |
|
f0df9ae
|
We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits. - Joe Morelli
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joe
morelli
hard
|
Janet Evanovich |
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320c19e
|
I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost fell over backward.
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|
Janet Evanovich |
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9858891
|
I got out of the elevator and confronted Mr. Wexler. "Killing is wrong." "We kill chickens," Mr. Wexler said. "We kill cows. We kill trees. So big deal, we kill some drug dealers." It was hard to argue with that kind of logic because I like cows and chickens and trees much better than drug dealers."
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Janet Evanovich |
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cff277b
|
I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table
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|
Janet Evanovich |
|
503fbff
|
I was on my back, looking up at Morelli through cobwebs, and my first thought was that the 7-Eleven victim had exacted revenge on me, and I'd been stun gunned. The cobwebs cleared, and I discounted stun gunning. "What happened?" I asked Morelli. "You fainted." "That's ridiculous." "I agree, but if someone sent me a dead woman I might faint, too." He was down on one knee, bending over me. "Are you ready to get up?" "I need a moment." "Don't ..
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|
|
Janet Evanovich |
|
e6e23ff
|
And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.
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Janet Evanovich |