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1cae96d
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Mrs. Zuppa was coming in from bingo just as I was leaving the building. "Looks like you're going to work," she said, leaning heavily on her cane. "What are you packin'?" "A thirty-eight." "I like a nine-millimeter myself." "A nine's good." "Easier to use a semiautomatic after you've had hip replacement and you walk with a cane," she said. One of those useful pieces of information to file away and resurrect when I turn eighty-three."
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Janet Evanovich |
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9cd4d62
|
My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?" "That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "Isn't it a pip?" One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?" "Company cars," I said. "Oh?" "Anal sex is not involved," I told her. My mother and grandmother both gasped. "Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out." "I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandm..
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janet evanovich |
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a8823de
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Fuck," Ranger said. Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open.."
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ranger
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Janet Evanovich |
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bc96a8a
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If you buy chocolate with loose change the calories don't count.
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Janet Evanovich |
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1f92491
|
He had a body like batman
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Janet Evanovich |
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c8da953
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I was driving by, doing a security check... and I smelled leg of lamb." Morelli"
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Janet Evanovich |
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e89ed44
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I don't know much about cars," Joyce said, "but I think someone took my engine."
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Janet Evanovich |
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3000ba3
|
Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me. It was a great kiss, but I didn't know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.
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Janet Evanovich |
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b979ac6
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My mother drove back to the intersection. "Who are you dating?" "Don't ask," I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman."
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Janet Evanovich |
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f0f50a4
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Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.
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Janet Evanovich |
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01b4142
|
Ranger's gonna hate this," Tank said. "Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel."
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Janet Evanovich |
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d466e41
|
I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. "I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look," Morelli said. "It's floor," I told him. "I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake."
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Janet Evanovich |
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8f3dd0f
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I thought you wanted to date other women?" "I didn't want to date other women. We decided in the heat of the moment that were no longer exclusively attached." "And I could date other men." Morelli was starting to look annoyed. "Have you been dating other men?" "Maybe." "As long as it isn't Ranger," Morelli said. "I don't think Ranger dates."
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Janet Evanovich |
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be4138e
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My mother had been slicing up the chicken. She took a drumstick and dropped it on the floor. She kicked it around a little, picked it up and put it on the edge of the plate. "There," she said, "we'll give him this drumstick." "Deal."
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stephanie-plum
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Janet Evanovich |
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e79808e
|
I could use some help with an FTA. What's your problem? He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him.
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Janet Evanovich |
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7c512b3
|
One of the men gave Butch a bunch of volts with a stun gun. The Rangeman didn't move fast enough, and Butch grabbed the gun and threw it across the room. "Hunh," Rangeman guy said. "Yeah," I said. "Been there, done that." "Are you sure he's human?" "Maybe you could hook a chain to the FlexiCuffs on his ankles and drag him behind your car," I said. "We tried that once, and Ranger didn't like it," the guy said. "You do something twice th..
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Janet Evanovich |
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d095bb2
|
That's one of the things I like about Mary Lou. She's willing to believe the worst about anyone.
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Janet Evanovich |
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3a2588e
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Stephanie: "I have a list of Kenny's friends. I'm going to run through it." Morelli: "Where'd you get this list?" Stephanie: "Privileged information." Morelli: "You broke into his apartment and stole his little black book." Stephanie: "I didn't steal it. I copied it." Morelli: "I don't want to here any of this. You're not carrying concealed, are you?" Stephanie: "Who, me?" Morelli: "Shit, I must be crazy to work with you" --
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stephanie-plum
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Janet Evanovich |
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3b12266
|
Do you have someone watching her house?" (Stephanie) "That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We're so underbudgeted we're one step away from holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)"
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Janet Evanovich |
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9eb8592
|
It wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight." - Stephanie Plum"
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stephanie-plum
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Janet Evanovich |
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a5eea1a
|
Bullets are creepy." Stephenie"
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Janet Evanovich |
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b36c8ff
|
Personally, I'm a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don't have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It's magic. End of discussion.
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supernatural
|
Janet Evanovich |
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5514ba2
|
And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus. And the Virgin Mary. And Ozzy Osbourne.
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Janet Evanovich |
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0522fef
|
Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs."
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Janet Evanovich |
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d6ac96b
|
There are some men who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever.
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Janet Evanovich |
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94676c9
|
He doesn't look very smart," Diesel said. "He's not even giving me the finger." "Can monkey's do that?" Hal asked. Carl gave him the finger. "Cool!" Hal said."
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Janet Evanovich |
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d172a3a
|
Diesel rocked back on his heels and grinned at the monkey. "Carl?" "Eep!" The monkey stood, squinted at Diesel, and gave him the finger. "Looks like you know each other," I said. "Our paths crossed in Trenton," Diesel said. "How did he get here?" "Monkey Rescue," Glo told him. "He was abandoned." "Figures," Diesel said. The monkey gave him the finger again. "Does he do that all the time?" I asked Diesel. "Not all the time." "I got ..
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Janet Evanovich |
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ffcbc3a
|
My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He'd probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers.
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Janet Evanovich |
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a3a3938
|
I can give you a better 'and then'," Ranger said."
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Janet Evanovich |
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b1d9a4e
|
life is a jelly donut. You don't really know what it's about till you bite into it. And then, just when you decide it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best t-shirt.
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Janet Evanovich |
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d3e7997
|
Hey," Lula said to Ranger's man."You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don't need plaster in it. Next time just shoot a hole is this punk-ass loser, will you?"
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Janet Evanovich |
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3219fdd
|
Sorry about Bender," Lula said, letting the Trans Am idle at the curb. "Maybe we could tell Vinnie he died. We could say we were all set to bring Bender in, and he died. Bang. Dead as a doorknob." "Better yet, why don't we just go back and kill him," I said. I opened the door to leave, caught my toe in the floor mat, and fell out of the car, face first. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the stars. "I'm fine," I said to Lula. "Maybe I'l..
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Janet Evanovich |
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18135b7
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Diesel was about to place the cockroach on the casket, and my purse rocked out with "Thriller" again. "Excuse me," I said. And I answered my phone. "I'm beginning to appreciate Hatchet," Wulf said to Diesel. Diesel smiled. "She has her moments. And she makes cupcakes." I disconnected and stuffed my phone into my pocket. "Well?" Diesel asked. "It was Glo. Her broom ran away again." "I would appreciate it if we could get on with this w..
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Janet Evanovich |
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d79202c
|
Babe!" Ranger shouted from the bathroom. "Come get your grandmother." Ranger was standing in the glass-enclosed shower with the door open, looking out at Grandma. He was dripping wet and seemed not especially concerned that he was naked. "It's like she's paralyzed," he said. "Amazing," Grandma said, eyes wide, staring in unblinking stupefaction. I yanked Grandma out and closed the bathroom door. "It was mesmerizing," Grandma said. "It was l..
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Janet Evanovich |
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0768bc2
|
As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects."
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stephanie
lula
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Janet Evanovich |
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d6e757c
|
You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?" ~ Morelli"
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morelli
joe-morelli
stephanie-plum
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Janet Evanovich |
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a2430ec
|
Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure." -Morelli And Stephanie"
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humor
morelli
stephanie-plum
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Janet Evanovich |
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69bd7cc
|
Grandma was wearing a blond Marilyn Monroe wig, a hot pink tank top, black Pilates pants, and black kitten heels. She looked like the senior version of an inflatable sex toy doll that needed more air.
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Janet Evanovich |
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260d1d2
|
I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities.
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rangers
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Janet Evanovich |
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9e3369c
|
Men!" I said. "You all a bunch of chauvinist morons" Stephanie Plum - Ten Big Ones"
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Janet Evanovich |
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a41897b
|
Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.
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Janet Evanovich |
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2972e7f
|
Shirley's gonna be pissed," Gazarra said. "She hates when I get shot." To my recollection, the only other time Gazarra was shot was when he was playing quick draw in the police station elevator and his gun accidentally discharged. The bullet ricocheted off the elevator wall and lodged in Gazarra's right buttock."
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Janet Evanovich |
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8abf626
|
THE NOTE said the first clue was "in the big one." I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn't do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds."
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Janet Evanovich |
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4228624
|
I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.
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Janet Evanovich |