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Kindness is a powerful bridge builder which unifies teams, bonds friends, supports loved ones, and spreads goodwill. Tending to your bridges will fortify your relationships in such way that you will keep your invitations coming and your options open for future opportunities.
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When it comes to meeting new people, playing well with others, and connecting on deeper levels, there are inherent gaps which can be closed only by being brave. When is bravery needed?
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A high-pitched voice may sound less authoritative, more youthful, and less experienced, whereas, a lower pitched voice may be perceived as being more authoritative, confident, and credible. It is unfortunate that listeners will make assumptions based on these differences before even knowing the depth and value of your message. Play with your ranges and find a comfortably low pitch. Practice it to see if it makes a difference in conveying more authority and brilliance.
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Susan C. Young |
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When your speaking style is clear, confident, and concise, your listeners will perceive you as such.
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Developing your eloquence and enunciation will reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation and misunderstanding, making your delivery more powerful.
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Susan C. Young |
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By your practice of active listening, everyone involved benefits because you . . . * are more engaged and engaging; * demonstrate that you are interested in others and what they have to say; * make others feel important, respected, understood, and appreciated; * improve your memory and retention; * affirm to others that you are an authentic, caring, and compassionate person; make a great first and last impression
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Susan C. Young |
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If the skill of participatory listening came effortlessly and easy for everyone, there would not be so many misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, irritations, and frustrations.
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Susan C. Young |
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Active listening is key to all healthy and effective communication, however, it doesn't necessarily come easily.
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Susan C. Young |
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Through the years, I have heard that the average person speaks at about 150-160 words per minute, but can listen at a rate of about 1,000 words per minute. What is going on during all that extra mind time? * Our minds are racing ahead and preparing for the next thing we are going to say. * We are preoccupied with other thoughts, priorities, and distractions. * Our subconscious filters are thumbing through our database of memories, judgments, experiences, perspectives, and opinions to frame how we are going to interpret what we think someone is saying.
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Susan C. Young |
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While active listening is crucial for optimal communication, we are faced with a dilemma which can perplex even the sincerest and engaged of individuals.
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"You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening. These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . . 1. The Sensual Plane: You're aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it. 2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel. 3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form."
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Susan C. Young |
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When you become an actively engaged listener, you will develop the mindful awareness that active listening involves multiple layers and distinct levels.
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Susan C. Young |
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To make matters even more complicated, research has shown that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. This inclination not only compromises our connection with another person, but we can fail to retain vital information. All this evidence demonstrates that it is imperative that we intentionally pay closer attention and strive to become an in-depth listener.
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Susan C. Young |
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UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener * Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do. * Allowing your emotional reactions to take over. * Interrupting the person talking. * Replying before you hear all the facts. * Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. * Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next. * Getting defensive or being over-eager. * One-upmanship--feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share. * Imposing an unsolicited opinion. * Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.
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Susan C. Young |
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Being Present Years ago, I attended a conference where the keynote speaker encouraged everyone to BE HERE NOW! It grabbed people's attention and reminded us that living, loving, listening, and laughing all occur in the present moment.
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Become keenly aware of these three layers to discover whether you're listening with interest and intent for excellent communication and understanding--or are you unintentionally sabotaging potentially phenomenal conversations. Knowledge of the listening planes will raise your awareness. And as you apply these, enjoy the surprising difference.
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Susan C. Young |
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When my son Nick was five years old, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while I prepared dinner. In typical busy mother fashion, I was multitasking--cooking, cleaning, running the laundry, answering the phone, and attempting to listen to what he had to say.
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Susan C. Young |
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Listening is one of the finest ways to demonstrate our love for another human being. How many marriages could be saved, friendships healed, careers made, and opportunities enjoyed if people would simply stop what they are doing and listen deeply to what another person has to say. If practiced by everyone, this principle could be a world-changer!
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The process of attentive listening makes the other person feel important, valued, and heard. For Nick, listening was, and still is, love. I've never forgotten that precious moment--and the lesson!
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Susan C. Young |
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Think about the people in your life with whom you have the most engaging dialogue--the ones who will listen to you and consider your opinions regardless of the topic. They'll stop whatever they are doing to give you their full attention. They become completely present and hear you.
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The Physical Language of Listening Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . . * Make eye contact. * Nod your head; confirm. * Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention. * Lean forward. * Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity. * Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.
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Susan C. Young |
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Now let's look at the flip side. When a diligent and caring person receives your complaint, they have the power to turn a challenge into a triumph. Through active listening, they demonstrate that your satisfaction is their top priority. They not only seek to solve your problem, but they are dedicated to re-earning your trust, your respect, and keeping your business.
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Susan C. Young |
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Smiling is truly one of the most generous gifts you can give to another. You never know when your smile may inspire the sad, encourage the hopeless, heal a heart, or change someone's world for the better.
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Susan C. Young |
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A genuine smile is your best fashion accessory and the most important thing you can wear.
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Susan C. Young |
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Research by the Income Center for Tradeshows found that people are twice as likely to remember you if you shake hands. According to the American Management Association, it takes only one-fortieth of a second to create a human bond. Whether you shake someone's hand, squeeze their arm, or touch their shoulder, make these moments count to be remembered favorably.
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To cultivate bravery and courage, try something new for the first time. Take a chance. Stretch beyond your familiar limits by taking risks that move you out of your old mindset and into a new perspective. Once accomplished, trying something new bolsters your confidence and boosts your ability to be brave.
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And as is often the case, the people who would benefit the most from reading a book like this are the ones least likely to buy and read it. For you, however, this chapter will serve as a sterling reminder to make your manners shine.
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Being brave requires taking deliberate action and doing something new that stretches you beyond your comfort zone.
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Any time you put yourself on the line, you risk (and maybe fear) failing, falling, being embarrassed, or looking stupid--none of which are comfortable.
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If being brave were easy, more people would be.
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It is unimpressive to not return what's been borrowed. Whether you have borrowed money, folding chairs, yard tools, or a popular book, always make sure you return to another person what is rightfully theirs. Lending it to you in the first place was a gift of trust and assistance. Being slow to give back in return may be considered rude.
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Susan C. Young |
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communication skills, quotes by Susan C Young, relationship quotes, how to be complimentary, motivational speaker Susan Young, positivity quotes, positive first impression quotes, susanspeaks.com, find the best in others
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Make a list of positives: Whether you would like to nurture a healthy relationship or improve a toxic one, make a list of positives which you admire about the other person. Begin by identifying, acknowledging, and focusing on their good qualities. Your perspective and how you feel about the person will begin to shift. You will find it much easier to polish the gold from a perspective of gratitude and appreciation.
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Susan C. Young |
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Brag about their accomplishments in front of others: For years, I have shared that the definition of a good friend is someone who says nice things about you behind your back. And the definition of a GREAT friend is someone who says GREAT things to others in front of you. One of the kindest things a husband or wife can do for their relationships is to brag about their partner's qualities to other people.
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Susan C. Young |
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Be complimentary: Find something positive to say to compliment another person. Whether they are being a great parent, dressing nicely, maintaining a gorgeous yard, or winning a recent 5K run, pick something to acknowledge which is noteworthy.
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With your mind alert and your eyes wide open, you will be better able to assess your space and your place for optimizing exchanges and your communication impressions.
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When you are socially aware, you will realize whether you are forcing yourself into a conversation or have actually been invited to participate.
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"It is unimpressive to interrupt another person while they are talking. Interrupting someone in mid-sentence demonstrates that your focus is on yourself, not the person talking. I had a friend who used a humorous retort whenever someone would interrupt him. He would graciously, albeit sarcastically, say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak while you were interrupting." It always got a laugh, yet he was cleverly letting the intruder know of his infraction without being too confrontational."
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Polishing the gold in others is easy to do and a valuable habit to develop to transform your relationship results. People will usually rise to the occasion and live up to your positive expectations.
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Susan C. Young |
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Say something nice! My wise mother raised us with the philosophy that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. That is a Southern custom if there ever was one! It is easy to find fault, criticize, condemn, and complain--but none of these behaviors will help you enjoy positive relationship results.
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Susan C. Young |
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"To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Catch people doing things right: Outstanding leaders know that people will be more engaged, perform at higher levels, and be more loyal when they are appreciated and celebrated. Jeff West, international speaker and author of The Unexpected Tour Guide, shares that "People will jump over high hurdles, fight fires and break through walls for leaders who find them doing things right. Building that kind of chemistry is essential if a team is going to jell." Capitalize on the opportunity to notice what people are doing right at work and at home and they will deliver their best. As the old saying goes, "A person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected."
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Susan C. Young |
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What are the key elements for a fabulous, well-delivered compliment? You . . . * are sincere and genuine. * give it freely without expecting anything in return. Your compliment is a selfless gift, not a boomerang. * are specific and detailed. * elaborate on why you like something. * describe how their positive virtue has positively impacted you. * can use adjectives for more colorful descriptions. * keep it positive. * say it like you mean it with intentional impact. * use discretion and good judgment. * leave no room for misinterpretation or misunderstanding. * say the right thing at the right moment and let it flow organically. Finding sincere ways to compliment others is a powerful way to make a great first and last impression.
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Susan C. Young |
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"According to the "universality studies" conducted by psychologists Paul Ekman, Carroll Izard, and Friesen (1969-1972), the words Happiness. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Contempt. Surprise. Disgust. describe the natural expressions of emotion shared by the entire human race."
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