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d05bc4f
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People, generally, suck.
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Christopher Moore |
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30aff97
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If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
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sanity
insanity
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Christopher Moore |
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821cd5e
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Children see magic because they look for it.
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magic
imagination
search
children
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Christopher Moore |
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92be699
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Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....
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Christopher Moore |
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38c750a
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It's sarcasm, Josh." "Sarcasm?" "It's from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren't really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it." "Well, if the village idiot named it, I'm sure it's a good thing." "There you go, you got it." "Got what?" "Sarcasm." "No, I meant it." "Sure you did." "Is that sarcasm?" "Irony, I think." "What's the difference?" "I haven't the slightes..
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irony
sarcasm
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Christopher Moore |
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de2e115
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It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
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Christopher Moore |
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e5aeee1
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Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.
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Christopher Moore |
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5404301
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Blessed are the dumbfucks.
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Christopher Moore |
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cc9d73b
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There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.
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humor
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Christopher Moore |
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d79e3af
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Love: the sickest of Irony's sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.
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Christopher Moore |
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34a8be4
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That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.
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sarcasm
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Christopher Moore |
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1b31edd
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If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it. If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil. If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape. If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions. All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not. May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them. May you find perf..
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Christopher Moore |
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9cf7791
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I love you above all things, even pie.
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Christopher Moore |
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9849cfb
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Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.
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Christopher Moore |
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f81e110
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She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.
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Christopher Moore |
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7db0433
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Stop," I said. "Please do not further endorken yourself to me. You have great hair and a car that is most fly, and you have just saved me with your mad ninja driving skills, so do not sully your heroic hottie image in my mind by further reciting your nerdy scholastic agenda. Don't tell me what you're studying, Steve, tell me what's in your soul. What haunts you?" And he was like, "Dude, you need to cut back on the caffeine."
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Christopher Moore |
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92ef0a9
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Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.
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love
tumor
rose
fool
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Christopher Moore |
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72705de
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Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give. You should be nice to people, even creeps. And if you: a) believed that Joshua was the Son of God (and) b) he had come to save you from sin (and) c) acknowledged the Holy Spirit within you (became a..
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speeches
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Christopher Moore |
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6b66624
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I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.
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insult
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Christopher Moore |
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e167c6b
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Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.
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funny
inspirational
boredom
crazy
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Christopher Moore |
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9edb005
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You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.
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opening-lines
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Christopher Moore |
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cf47f56
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Josh: "What is this thing?" Gasper: "It's a Yeti. An abominable snowman." Biff: "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep?" Josh: "Not an abomination, abominable."
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Christopher Moore |
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689a2c5
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The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots.
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you-suck
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Christopher Moore |
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25b46e4
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Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.
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humor
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Christopher Moore |
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d6eb98f
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I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.
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Christopher Moore |
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b98f942
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Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.
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fluke
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Christopher Moore |
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cc3c3ab
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I've tried to get the angel to watch MTV so I can learn the vocabulary of your music, but even with the gift of tongues, I'm having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all tha..
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Christopher Moore |
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40ec750
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It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.
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Christopher Moore |
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e406207
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It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?
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Christopher Moore |
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bcefd9f
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She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.
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you-suck
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Christopher Moore |
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948f29b
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She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.
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Christopher Moore |
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5151bac
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Charlie Asher: I accidently shagged a monk last night. Minty Fresh: Sometimes, in times of crisis, that shit cannot be avoided.
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Christopher Moore |
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e921980
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Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.
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Christopher Moore |
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4093620
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This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.
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Christopher Moore |
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b365e75
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Charlie noted that more and more lately, he had a hard time resisting the urge to fuck with people, especially when they insisted upon behaving like idiots.
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Christopher Moore |
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9cb2691
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He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.
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Christopher Moore |
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508c33a
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He was a writer and words were his weapons.
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words
writer
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Christopher Moore |
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2de87db
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You're trying to be tricky. What's morality?" "It's the difference between what's right and what you can rationalize."
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humans
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Christopher Moore |
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31fa044
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So nerds rule.
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Christopher Moore |
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c3cc234
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Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.
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gullibility
sarcasm
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Christopher Moore |
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6742c4f
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Routine feeds the illusion of safety...
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Christopher Moore |
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8461b30
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Oh, I get it," I said. "It's a parable. Cute. Let's go eat."
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Christopher Moore |
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0583263
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How do you know, when you think blue -- when you say blue -- that you are talking about the same blue as anyone else? You cannot get a grip on blue. Blue is the sky, the sea, a god's eye, a devil's tail, a birth, a strangulation, a virgin's cloak, a monkey's ass. It's a butterfly, a bird, a spicy joke, the saddest song, the brightest day. Blue is sly, slick, it slides into the room sideways, a slippery trickster. This is a story about the c..
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color
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Christopher Moore |
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2fe826a
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The Emperor decided to make a proclamation to his troops about the importance of compassion in the face of the rising tide of heinous fuckery and political weaselocity in the nearby kingdom of the United States.
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Christopher Moore |