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c827d5f
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And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's d..
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Christopher Moore |
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894e1fa
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Nate had been born and raised in British Columbia, and Canadians hate, above all things, to offend. It was part of the national consciousness. "Be polite" was an unwritten, unspoken rule, but ingrained into the psyche of an entire country. (Of course, as with any rule, there were exceptions: parts of Quebec, where people maintained the "dismissive to the point of confrontation, with subsequent surrender" mind-set of the French; and hockey, ..
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humor
whales
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Christopher Moore |
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f93a303
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So I'm all, "Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!" Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.)" --
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Christopher Moore |
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d32a90a
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They were told what they wanted and they believed it. They can only keep their dream alive by being with others like themselves who will mirror their illusions.
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Christopher Moore |
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831f8ba
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In fact, he sorely hoped that it would happen, because otherwise, the world made no sense, there was no justice, and life was just a tangled ball of chaos.
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Christopher Moore |
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e5d6c3c
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A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried to force a fart, but my bum tumpet could find no note.
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fool
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Christopher Moore |
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865cdbc
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You sure about this writer thing son?
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writer
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Christopher Moore |
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2def6d0
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Sometimes this high-tech world calls for low-tech solutions.
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Christopher Moore |
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20173b4
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People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he's always eight, and he's still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes.
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Christopher Moore |
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80e3099
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So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need
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Christopher Moore |
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eb530c9
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When it appeared that even the most passive-aggressive attempts would not work, Charlie resorted to the ultimate Beta Male Attack, which was to tolerate Alvin and Mohammed's presence, but to resent the hell out of them and drop snide remarks whenever he had the chance.
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Christopher Moore |
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786597f
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The Painting is not shit,' said Lucien. 'I know,' said Henri. 'That was just part of the subterfuge. I am of royal lineage; subterfuge is one of the many talents we carry in our blood, along with guile and hemophilia.
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Christopher Moore |
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a5c0ac0
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You should never pass up an opportunity to be kind. You should never not thank someone. You should never not say something nice when you think it.
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Christopher Moore |
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0ce68fb
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The Greeks believe the Fates are three sisters: one is Order, who spins out the linear thread of a life from the beginning; another is Irony, who gently cocks up the thread, marking it with some peculiar sense of balance, like justice, only blind drunk with a scale that's been bunged into the street so it never quite settles; and the third, Inevitability, simply sits in the corner taking notes and criticizing the other two for being shamele..
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Christopher Moore |
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e21fcdf
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You know, there's a 12 step program for gambling. You should look into that. Twelve steps. Coyote laughed. I'll bet I can do it in six.
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Christopher Moore |
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7510cab
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I'm beginning to wonder," said Kent, sitting down now on an overturned wooden tub. "Who do I serve? Why am I here?" You are here, because, in the expanding ethical ambiguity of our situation, you are steadfast in your righteousness. It is to you, our banished friend, that we all turn--a light amid the dark dealings of family and politics. You are the moral backbone on which the rest of us hang our bloody bits. Without you we are merely wigg..
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morality
kent
fool
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Christopher Moore |
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3e8f4eb
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Yeah, that's right, Lash. Because I'm Chinese I have a deep-seated need to nosh house pets. Now why don't you let him in before my inner Chinaman forces me to kung-fu your bitch ass.
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Christopher Moore |
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019893d
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Privacy is a wonderful thing. Like love, privacy is most manifest in its absence.
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Christopher Moore |
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43234d0
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Why understand when you can believe?
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Christopher Moore |
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a64f23e
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Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of "Tangled Up in Blue" in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan." --
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the-stupidest-angel
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Christopher Moore |
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5d3b328
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Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.
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Christopher Moore |
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4db4dc1
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Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit
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hope
truth
christopher-moore
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Christopher Moore |
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3615f21
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Author's Warning If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don't blame me. I told you.
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Christopher moore |
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c535cea
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Tommy moved on. "Lash, your people have been oppressed for hundreds of years. It's time to strike back. Look, you don't have your MBA yet - they haven't completely juiced you of your usefulness yet. Would Martin Luther King back down from this challenge? Malcolm X? James Brown? Don't you have a dream? Don't you feel good, like you knew that you would, now?"
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christopher-moore
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Christopher Moore |
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998da1a
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You can't just accidentally penis somebody.
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Christopher Moore |
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377248c
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In order to hold off the Forces of Darkness, you will need a number two pencil and a calendar, preferably one without pictures of kitties on it.
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Christopher Moore |
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26dfe8c
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He always had a problem with the purity of others. Never his own.
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Christopher Moore |
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2bf0b9d
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This Roberto. He no like the light.
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Christopher Moore |
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0006b51
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Fine, as the tailor said to the broke and naked knight, suit yourself.
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Christopher Moore |
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7e6efa5
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There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.
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Christopher Moore |
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d64fcfe
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Latin, Greek, and English, plus a smattering of Italian and fucking French." "Fucking French, you say? Well . . ." "Oui," said I, in perfect fucking French."
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Christopher Moore |
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bfadd79
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How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.
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Christopher Moore |
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c624c20
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One of them hissed-not the hiss of a cat, a long, steady tone-more like the hiss of air escaping the rubber raft that is all that lies between you and a dark sea full of sharks, the hiss of your life leaking out at the seams.
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Christopher Moore |
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65a5534
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Next out of the hall came the sisters and their husbands. Before I could say anything, the captain had clamped his hand over my mouth and was lifting me off my feet as I kicked. Cornwall made as to draw his dagger, but Regan pulled him away. "You've just won a kingdom, my duke, killing vermin is a servant's task. Leave the bitter fool stew in his own bile." She wanted me. It was clear."
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fool
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Christopher Moore |
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d2e5e3d
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Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [...] -Pocket"
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fool
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Christopher Moore |
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ecb8c4a
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Oh my God, you're like Obnoxious and Annoying had an ass baby!
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Christopher Moore |
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1dc6c92
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The medium obscured the message.
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Christopher Moore |
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e33fd98
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So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, "Oh chill, it's a stress thing, everyone does it. I'm flicking the bean under the table right now just to dial the tension back a little. Yes. Yes. Yes! Oh-zombie-jeebus-fuck-me-Simba-lion-king-hakuna-matata! Yes!" --The Chronicles of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
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Christopher Moore |
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f68c4dc
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Little-boy love...the cleanest pain I've ever known. Love without desire, conditions, or limits - a pure and radiant glow in the heart that could make me giddy and sad and glorious all at once. Where does it go? Why, in all their experiments, did the Magi never try to capture that purity in a bottle? Perhaps they couldn't.
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Christopher Moore |
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411d26d
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God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.
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Christopher Moore |
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73932d7
|
Whistler,' Manet called. 'How's your mother?
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whistler
manet
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Christopher Moore |
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ecb6d54
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Even a mentally challenged shark would figure out that sea turtles did not wear boxer shorts printed in flying piggies, and no sea turtle would be yattering streams of obscenities between chain-smoker gasps of breath.
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island-of-the-sequined-love-nun
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Christopher Moore |
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9c329b5
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then he looked at my T-shirt and saw Byron's picture on it and he quoted "She Walks in Beauty," which is like my favorite poem next to the one by Baudelaire about his girlfriend being nothing but worm food, except that Lily called that one first because Baudelaire is her fave poet and so she got the shirt with him on it, even though Byron is way more scrumptious and I would do him on sharp gravel if I had the chance. --from The Chronicles o..
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you-suck
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Christopher Moore |
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bebbdef
|
Lash had been explaining to her that it's impolite to refer to an African American as a nigga, unless one was another African American, when Troy Lee came in and said, "She only speaks Cantonese." "She does not. She keeps coming in and saying 'What's up my nigga?'" "Oh yeah. She does that to me, too. Did you give her a pound?" "No. I didn't give her a pound, motherfucker. She called me a nigga." "Well, she's not going to quit unless you giv..
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humourous-situations
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Christopher Moore |