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5bc4651
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A theory has no better time than when it's lying there naked, pure, unsullied by facts.
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Christopher Moore |
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861fd4e
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It's a yeti," said Gaspar from behind me, obviously having been roused from his trance. "An abominable snowman." "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep!?" I exclaimed. "Not an abomination," Josh said, "abominable." The yeti licked him on the cheek."
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Christopher Moore |
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a02a198
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y mas palido que la Muerte follandose un muneco de nieve.
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Christopher Moore |
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eacfa87
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Kona was in tears, wailing like Bob Marley in a bear trap---inconsolable.
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Christopher Moore |
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0715595
|
We've been tagged twice by that Bruce Mate guy from Oregon State. That guy's a menace. Probably has a satellite tag on his wife to track her trips to the can.
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Christopher Moore |
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f102244
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believe his choice was a blond one.) I have to admit that I felt some sympathy for the scarecrow, although I don't believe I would have been singing about the lack of a brain. In fact, amid all the musical laments over not having a heart, a brain, or the nerve, did anyone notice that they didn't have a penis among them? I think it would have shown on the Lion and the Tin Man, and when the Scarecrow has his pants destuffed, you don't see a f..
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Christopher Moore |
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7798736
|
Ah, Lazarus," said the Emperor, scratching his charge behind the ears, "if we had even half the courage of our small comrade, we would go into that drain and find him. But what are we without him, our courage, our valor? Steady and righteous we may be, my friend, but without courage to risk ourselves for our brother, we are but politicians - blustering whores to rhetoric."
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Christopher Moore |
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3e93fc5
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She turned her head and there was such sadness, such kindness in her pity for me, that I knew at once how the bold Othello, pirate and soldier--that hard, scarred, killing thing--had lost his heart.
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Christopher Moore |
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667a383
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If it be not destiny, then surely there is plausible deniability, which in the parlance of politics is the same thing.
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Christopher Moore |
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97f5cec
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killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.
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Christopher Moore |
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2b476c7
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She looked like she was being towed through the store by two submarines," said Simon. "Major hooters," said Troy Lee. "Major-league hooters." Tommy said, "Can't you guys see more in a woman than T and A?" "Nope," said Troy. "No way," said Simon."
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Christopher Moore |
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59e8a88
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You want broccoli?" asked Mrs. Korjev. "Is there orange broccoli?" Sophie asked. "Green broccoli is good for you, make you strong, like bear." "But it's not vegan." "We put on Cheez Whiz, make vegan for you." "Okay, broccoli," said Sophie." --
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Christopher Moore |
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9e1c3ab
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He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.
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Christopher Moore |
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d13d240
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And I'm all, "Do you want to get coffee? I have a bag of blood and ten thousand dollars in my messenger." The nosferatu can totally drink lattes as long as they put some blood in it, unless they're lactose intolerant. And he stops and looks at me. He's like, "Really, ten thousand? Think that will be enough?" And I'm like, "Well, you'll have to drink the cheap stuff, but I like to drink my lattes directly out of the veins of a toddler, and t..
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Christopher Moore |
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d0153d8
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but even with the gift of tongues, I'm having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just..
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Christopher Moore |
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1b4a1b6
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So kunde, o Muse, dein Klagen Von Trauer, Krieg und Tucke, Von verlogener Liebesmuh' und Liederlichstem Rumgeficke ...
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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1d3a5fa
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Sie erkennt hinter deinem attraktiven Ausseren die dustere, verkruppelte, gebrochene Bestie, die die Jahre aus dir gemacht haben - das triebhafte, kleine Tier, das du im Grunde deines Herzens bist. Wenn sie dich nimmt, nicht obwohl, sondern weil du ein freches Affchen bist - das ist Liebe?
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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3a844f1
|
Ach, leck mich doch. Ihr Mohammedaner mit eurem Widerwillen gegen den Trunk. Da wird der grosste Teil der westlichen Scheisswelt in Allahs Namen abgeschlachtet, aber wenn mal jemand auf euer Wohl anstossen mochte, ist die Rede plotzlich nur noch von Frommsein und Beten und kein Schweinefleisch und hangen wir unsere Frauen mit Gardinen zu.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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e62eb26
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Nicht, dass ich es dir verdenken konnte. Ich bin ausgesprochen koitabel - im Grunde das grosse Los. Eine Weile war ich sogar Konig.<< >>Wenn Worte Reichtum waren<<, seufzte der Mohr. >>Du warst ein Konig unter Konigen, aber im Moment bist du nur klein, nass und laut.<<
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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7cba4d2
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Edle Herren, seid so freundlich und verpisst Euch.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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7c3cb48
|
Wenn man erst anfangt, im Dunkeln irgendwelche Erscheinungen anzuschreien, hat man im Grunde schon aufgegeben, oder? Mehr oder weniger sagt man damit doch: >>Ich weiss, ich steck hier bis uber beide Augenbrauen in der Scheisse und raste gleich aus vor Angst, also wurde ich es vorziehen, wenn wir es so schnell und schmerzlos wie moglich hinter uns bringen konnten.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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cca72a2
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Ich mochte ihn im Joch der Ehe sehen, allein schon, um ihn aus dem Bett meiner eigenen Frau fernzuhalten.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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a7cb576
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Entscheidend ist: Ich bin klein und untrostlich.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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85a8333
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Ich sprach von der Menschheit allgemein. Mir geht das damliche Pack gehorig auf den Sack
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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3861779
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habt Ihr nicht selbst ein Weib? Die holde Emilia?<< >>Deshalb weiss ich ja, wovon ich spreche. Lug und Trug in hubscher Hulle, das sind sie alle. Wehe dem Mann, der anders denkt und ihnen traut.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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4e5e1ea
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Stets besteche mit der hochsten Summe, die du zu zahlen bereit bist, auf der niedersten Ebene des Befehls. Groll ist Goldes wert, wenn Treue zum Verkauf steht.
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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5785cea
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Meine Gunst? Ich sagte, er sei kein kompletter Schwachmat. Das ist keine Gunst, das ist nur ein wohlwollender Vergleich mit all den anderen, von denen du umgeben bist
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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cf064e5
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Die Realitat ist oft unkooperativ
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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f908599
|
Sie kam im schlichten Morgenmantel zur Tur, mit zerzausten Haaren und dem ungenierten Gahnen eines Menschen, der sich gezwungenermassen mit einem Geisteskranken auseinandersetzen muss, welcher unerklarlicherweise den Morgen als Beginn seines Tages betrachtet, statt - wie es rechtens ware - als dessen Ende
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der-schelm-von-venedig
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Christopher Moore |
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f1bd0cb
|
Well, you know, she was winded for a few minutes from kicking your ass, but she is just a little girl." The"
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Christopher Moore |
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eed17f8
|
It had been less than an hour since the cops led Abby away and already he missed her like a severed limb. It was embarrassing. How could hormones and hydrostatic pressure make you feel like this? Love
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Christopher Moore |
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c8f4374
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You're right, I have taught you nothing. I could teach you nothing. Everything that you needed was already there. You simply needed the word for it. Some need Kali and Shiva to destroy the world so they may see past the illusion to divinity in them, others need Krishna to drive them to the place where they may perceive what is eternal in them. Others may perceive the Divine Spark in themselves only by realizing through enlightenment that th..
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Christopher Moore |
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a342fd6
|
You're the one with almost an MBA," Barry, the short balding one, said to Lash. "You should know what to do." "They don't cover what to do with a dead hooker," Lash countered. "That's a whole different program. Political science, I think." Despite"
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Christopher Moore |
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5557626
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Medication and forgiveness can make for joyous moments with the dying--it
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Christopher Moore |
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b331ac1
|
The funeral was held at St. Mary's Catherdral of San Francisco, which has the distinction of being the only church in the world designed after a washing-machine agitator.
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Christopher Moore |
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75549b0
|
No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce.
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funny
food
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Christopher Moore |
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08f8ea2
|
Splendid," said the Emperor, without a hint of sarcasm. "I believe we've achieved a new level of doomed." Y"
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Christopher Moore |
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b06b337
|
With influence comes power, with power, abuse. Jakan was only the son of a Pharisee. He was only two years older than Joshua and me, but he was well on his way to mastering cruelty. If there is a single joy in having everyone you have ever known two thousand years dead, it is that Jakan is one of them. May his fat crackle in the fires of hell for eternity!
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Christopher Moore |
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259b455
|
Abby jumped into the Prius. Lily bundled the defibrillator into her friend's lap, then jumped in the Prius's back door behind her. "Go! Go! Go!" And with all the roaring fury of a golf cart escaping the back nine, they sped into the traffic"
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Christopher Moore |
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4ccd5c9
|
he'll tell me useless angel stories--of how Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis, or how Raphael snuck out of heaven to visit Satan and returned with something called a cell phone. (Evidently everyone has them in hell now.) He watches the television and when they show an earthquake or a tornado he'll say, "I destroyed a city with one of those once. Mine was better..
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Christopher Moore |
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5b4861d
|
A man attacked me, choked me, bit my neck, burned my hand, then stuffed my shirt full of money and put a dumpster on me and now I can see heat and hear fog. I've won Satan's lottery.
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Christopher Moore |
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7e3c523
|
Do not be afraid Everyone before you has died You cannot stay Any more than a baby can stay forever in the womb Leave behind all you know All you love Leave behind pain
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Christopher Moore |
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02f7cbc
|
But there was no gangrene or amputations like the doctors threatened, and we got a B, so I don't see what all the noise and counseling was about. Anyway,
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Christopher Moore |
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7125919
|
And then I see that the old vampyre is charred like Wile E. Coyote after a bad rocket shoes test.
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Christopher Moore |