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9413375
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Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.
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Christopher Moore |
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d487216
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I've won Satan's lottery.
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vampires
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Christopher Moore |
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69d94d3
|
Charlie had Sophie strapped to his chest like a terrorist baby bomb when he came down the back steps. She had just gotten to the point where she could hold up her head, so he had strapped her in face-out so she could look around. The way her arms and legs waved around as Charlie walked, she looked as if she was skydiving and using a skinny nerd as a parachute.
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Christopher Moore |
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eba7475
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He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.
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Christopher Moore |
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b386455
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The hip-hop guy nodded curtly, like he knew that, and despite appearances to the contrary, he had not been trippin', but had, in fact, been chillin' like a mo-fuckin' villain, so step the fuck off, wigga. He crossed against the light, limping slightly under the weight of the subtext.
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Christopher Moore |
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1d4d553
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Let me say right here, if I haven't made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so don't be surprised if you someday find me wandering the moors at midnight, a crazed look in my eye, babbling about albino Tater Tots nesting in Brillo pads and being pursued by sagging man ass, because that shit can happen when you've been traumatized.
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Christopher Moore |
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05f35fa
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By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.
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story
stories
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Christopher Moore |
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75b7d85
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There's always a bloody ghost.
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Christopher Moore |
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0280dd5
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This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank.
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humor
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Christopher Moore |
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5211c8c
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Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.
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Christopher Moore |
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8d50cd0
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Why is it one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere, but one must busta cap in someone's ass?
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Christopher Moore |
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4b24b00
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That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith."
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inspirational
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Christopher Moore |
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de13c74
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Only by being prepared for your death can you ever truly live.
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Christopher Moore |
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4d5ef7b
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I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something.
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political-correctness
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Christopher Moore |
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613917a
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Christmas Amnesty. You can fall out of contact with a friend, fail to return calls, ignore e-mails, avoid eye contact at the Thrifty-Mart, forget birthdays, anniversaries, and reunions, and if you show up at their house during the holidays (with a gift) they are socially bound to forgive you--act like nothing happened. Decorum dictates that the friendship move forward from that point, without guilt or recrimination. If you started a chess g..
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Christopher Moore |
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516e162
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I've got to think that that was unethical," Joshua said. "Josh, faking demonic possession is like a mustard seed." "How is it like a mustard seed?" "You don't know, do you? Doesn't seem at all like a mustard seed, does it? Now you see how we all feel when you liken things unto a mustard seed? Huh?"
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mustard-seeds
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Christopher Moore |
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836fafc
|
But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age." "I thought you liked redheads." "I do. What's your point?"
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redheads
moore
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Christopher Moore |
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256b3af
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Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.
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Christopher Moore |
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efd6e52
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Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.
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Christopher Moore |
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4d5e13c
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No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.
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Christopher Moore |
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53211c3
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Animals might put up with that smiley shit, but people will eventually kill you for it.
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Christopher Moore |
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a4ef0f1
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And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
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Christopher Moore |
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9b7d647
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The Winter Woman is as wild as a blizzard, as fresh as new snow. While some see her as cold, she has a fiery heart under that ice-queen exterior. She likes the stark simplicity of Japanese art and the daring complexity of Russian literature. She prefers sharp to flowing lines, brooding to pouting, and rock and roll to country and western. Her drink is vodka, her car is German, her analgesic is Advil. The Winter Woman likes her men weak and ..
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Christopher Moore |
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8f2a320
|
We've been rehearsing a classic from antiquity, , the story of a young prince of Denmark who goes mad, drowns his girlfriend, and in his remorse, forces spoiled breakfast on all whom he meets.
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hamlet
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Christopher Moore |
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b47bf38
|
Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.
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Christopher Moore |
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59abf09
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I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.
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Christopher Moore |
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9c0a8c2
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You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I'm okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it's unsettling.
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Christopher Moore |
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5abec9d
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Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy
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Christopher Moore |
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0efd909
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I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm all "Oh, please excuse me, kind sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way." -The Chronicles of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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769b2d0
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I'll bet he was myrrh. Bastard, he brings the cheapest gift and now he wants to sodomize me.
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Christopher Moore |
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63791db
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Heinous Fuckery, most foul!
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Christopher Moore |
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14326d4
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I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
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humor
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Christopher Moore |
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085c627
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Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy"."
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humour
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Christopher Moore |
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73a7a5d
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So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety."
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humor
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Christopher Moore |
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ccb10c6
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Don't be so hard on yourself, You're doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was when you needed her and she was there, the one she was when she didn't understand. Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves. When someone dies, they all integrate into the soul - the essence of who we are, beyond the different ..
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love-h
mother
soul
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Christopher Moore |
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5b22661
|
What is your name?" asked Lear. Caius," said Kent. And whence do you hail?" From Bonking, sire." Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?"
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fool
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Christopher Moore |
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c330ed8
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May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.
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insult
humor
malediction
irs
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Christopher Moore |
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512ab29
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You bitch! You killed me! You suck!
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Christopher Moore |
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d16540c
|
as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.
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sex
teddy-bear
orgy
vampire
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Christopher Moore |
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9c84df0
|
She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked.
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Christopher Moore |
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08941d1
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She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
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writer
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Christopher Moore |
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be1bf32
|
The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. [...] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.
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Christopher Moore |
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6f7789c
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Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?
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fool
|
Christopher Moore |
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4ea3ef7
|
Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.
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Christopher Moore |