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f617ea2
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How would I feel, he thought, If I woke up and she was making love to me? Why I believe that I would be pleasantly surprised.
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Christopher Moore |
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37c76a6
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How would I feel if I woke up and she told me that we had done it while I slept? I'd be fine with it. A little sad that I missed things, but I wouldn't be mad. I'd just ask her if I had a good time. Women are different, though.
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Christopher Moore |
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f5dddec
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En la tienda de mascotas eligio dos tortugas pintadas, cada una de ellas del ancho aproximado de la tapa de un frasco de mayonesa. Compro para ellas una bandeja grande en forma de rinon que tenia su propio islote, una palmera de plastico, algunas plantas acuaticas y un caracol. El caracol servia presumiblemente para reforzar la autoestima de las tortugas: "?Nosotras te parecemos lentas? Pues fijate en ese tipo". Del mismo modo, para apuntal..
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Christopher Moore |
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4d17154
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Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is "ho" always feminine and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be "stupid"?"
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Christopher Moore |
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3c0330f
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Sweet Pocket, you mustn't ask about my life before I came here. What I am now, I have always been, and everything I am is here with you." "Sweet Thalia," said I. "That is a fiery flagon of dragon toss."
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future
past
humor
life
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Christopher Moore |
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1a150ac
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It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death.
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humon
simon
vampires
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Christopher Moore |
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e678003
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I will not die for a long time." Joseph tugged at his gray beard. "My beard goes white, but there's a lot of life in me yet." "Don't be so sure, Abba," Joshua said. Joseph dropped the bowl he was working on and stared into his hands. "Run away and play, you two," he said, his voice little more than a whisper. Joshua stood and walked away. I wanted to throw my arms around the old man, for I had never seen a grown man afraid before and it fri..
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Christopher Moore |
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9573b4d
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A little girl's voice said, "I am become Death, destroyer of worlds!" Audrey held the phone out for Charlie. "It's for you."
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Christopher Moore |
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09d21f5
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The dull always seek to be clever at the fool's expense, to somehow repay him for his cutting wit, but never are they clever, and often they are cruel.
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Christopher Moore |
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3c46353
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You know what? You know what? You know what?' I was waving my finger under her nose. 'You scratched the Son of God. That's your ass, that's what.
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Christopher Moore |
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3124a80
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Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend some up-close and personal time with ninety pounds of barbarian woman-flesh! Sorry, I don't know how much that is in kilos."
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Christopher Moore |
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5a17a9e
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Sophie marched away in rhythm to her new chant, "not in the butt - not in the butt - not in the butt."
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Christopher Moore |
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1b61ede
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Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones.
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humor
series
vampires
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Christopher Moore |
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d692a2a
|
It is accepted science that God himself gave the French the gift of their cuisine, and while he was downstairs, cursed the English with theirs.
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Christopher Moore |
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bce7aee
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But I have known many women--many women indeed, and it is in their nature to confound us, Othello. They are all by their natures lovely lunatics.
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Christopher Moore |
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01c9a6c
|
Okey dokey, fire up the blender, let's make a furry-flurry smoothie out of that squirrel!
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Christopher Moore |
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c604efa
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and thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis.
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Christopher Moore |
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9ae2ebf
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There is no such thing as a conservative hero.
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Christopher Moore |
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8c49d53
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Theophilus Crowe wrote bad free-verse poetry and played a jimbai drum while sitting on a rock by the ocean. He could play sixteen chords on the guitar and knew five Bob Dylan songs all the way through, allowing for a dampening buzz any time he had to play a bar chord. He had tried his hand at painting, sculpture, and pottery and had even played a minor part in the Pine Cove Little Theater's revival of Arsenic and Old Lace. In all of these e..
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Christopher Moore |
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1e01519
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Minty now held his arms out to his sides, angry Jesus style, -- that look.
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secondhand-souls
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Christopher Moore |
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c2d8068
|
Wiggly Charlie lived in a big house with his friends Audrey and Big Charlie. He liked mozzarella cheese sticks, chasing his tennis ball, and putting his purple wizard hat on his willy and pretending they were friends.
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Christopher Moore |
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5d1648e
|
I'm not scared, Daddy. I just need some crunchy Cheese Newts up in this bitch.
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Christopher Moore |
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13f910e
|
Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it tends to be found in the New Age music section, as well as in tropical waters...)
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fluke
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Christopher Moore |
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f329ba8
|
Charlie found himself affecting the Emperor's formal speech patterns, as if somehow he had been transported to a royal court where a nobleman was distinguished by the crumbs in his beard and the royal guard were not above licking their balls.
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Christopher Moore |
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3b3a7d8
|
This is fucking magic, she thought. This isn't some story out of one of Tommy's books. This isn't something you can experiment with in the bathroom. This is not natural, and whatever I am, it isn't natural. A vampire is magic, not science.
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Christopher Moore |
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b81bce0
|
Tucker Case did not play golf. He'd tried it once, and although he'd enjoyed the drinking and driving the little electric car into the lake, he just didn't get the appeal. It seemed--and he'd examined the game closely because his father had loved it--an awful lot like a bunch of rich white guys in goofy clothing walking around on an absurdly large lawn hitting absurdly small white balls with crooked sticks.
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Christopher Moore |
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52fe5a0
|
he looked like one of those dried-up faces you carve out of an apple in third grade to teach you that time is cruel and we are all just going to shrivel up and die, so there's no point in getting out of bed.
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Christopher Moore |
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8fd6af4
|
you know those people in the movies who can just stop their lives to fall in love, chase after being in love like they don't have anything else to do?" "Yeah." "We're not those people. I have to get to work."
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Christopher Moore |
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1add95f
|
You motherfucking kitties need to step the fuck off!
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Christopher Moore |
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515fa33
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turning your ankle hurts like hell, even if you're a superhero.
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vampires
|
Christopher Moore |
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8495823
|
Everyone is happier if they have someone to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both. This is not only the Beta Male strategy for survival, but the basis for capitalism, democracy, and most religions.
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Christopher Moore |
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fabf45c
|
That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information." "Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?"
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viagra
internet
|
Christopher Moore |
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e9d268c
|
A wall is the defense of a country that values inaction. But a wall imprisons the people of a country as much as it protects them.
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Christopher Moore |
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c3357a9
|
Voila!" said the artist, in perfect fucking French."
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Christopher Moore |
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fd378ab
|
No." Tommy turned and headed toward the door. As he reached it he turned and said, "I'm not fucked." The Sartre reader looked up from his book and said, "We all are. We all are."
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Christopher Moore |
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8961b88
|
Nothing says Christmas like a burning meth lab.
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Christopher Moore |
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9f428ed
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Evolution doesn't really have a destination. It's just dicking around with possibilities.
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Christopher Moore |
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d7679ea
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Amy called the whale punkin.
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Christopher Moore |
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9f7db8a
|
Do not seek death. Death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment. --Dag Hammarskjold
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Christopher Moore |
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2c655f2
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The only difference between a pirate and a privateer is a flag,
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Christopher Moore |
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0860ac2
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Pain travels pretty well.
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Christopher Moore |
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aca85f9
|
Go away. Your feet are misshapen and your eyebrows grow together in a threatening way.
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Christopher Moore |
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54b5347
|
What's a Mennonite?" Vance asked. "Amish with blenders."
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Christopher Moore |
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5384047
|
Why are you lying on the floor?" "Solidarity. And we ran out of cognac. This is my preferred out of cognac posture."
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Christopher Moore |