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9e92512
|
Unless you can change the past, you're wasting the present on this guilt
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Christopher Moore |
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acf376c
|
I love you, Lucien, but I am a muse, you are an artist, I am here to make you comfortable.
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artists
suffering
passion
muses
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Christopher Moore |
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a475b68
|
After all the evidence is in--after you've run all the facts by everything you know--and you're still lost, you have to do some things on faith.
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Christopher Moore |
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f3852cd
|
Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy"
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you-suck
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Christopher Moore |
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9700b73
|
Hope is merely another face of desire. And desire is a motherfucker.
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Christopher Moore |
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b25cbc3
|
Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?" "Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with op..
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humorous
work
physical-labor
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Christopher Moore |
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fe96174
|
She set the course of his life with just a smile.
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Christopher Moore |
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5588858
|
She pulled down the blanket and aimed baby Sophie's bottom at him like she might unleash a fusillade of weapons-grade poopage such as the guileless Beta Male had never seen.
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Christopher Moore |
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d0694c7
|
All men are evil, that's what I was talking to my father about. What did he say? Fuck 'em. Really? Yeah. At least he answered you. I got the feeling that he thinks it's my problem now. Makes you wonder why he didn't burn that on one of the tablets. 'HERE, MOSES, HERE'S THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, AND HERE'S AN EXTRA ONE THAT SAYS FUCK 'EM.' He doesn't sound like that.
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Christopher Moore |
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31c2743
|
It's like he has this power over me--like I have an eating disorder and he's a package of Oreo Double Stuff cookies.
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love
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Christopher Moore |
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ae0904c
|
Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then, even if your paintings are shit, you will have loved them all."
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Christopher Moore |
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012e5f5
|
One Monday, just for sport, Charlie grabbed an eggplant that a spectacularly wizened granny was going for, but instead of twisting it out of his hand with some mystic kung fu move as he expected, she looked him in the eye and shook her head - just a jog, barely perceptible really - it might have been a tic, but it was the most eloquent of gestures. Charlie read it as saying: O White Devil, you do not want to purloin that purple fruit, for I..
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Christopher Moore |
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c69b6f5
|
We really have to get going," Sam said. "Can we leave the car here and pick it up later?" The monk said, "Does a dog have a Buddha nature?" Does a fish have a watertight asshole?" said Coyote."
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coyote-blue
dumb-questions
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Christopher Moore |
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82a0bfa
|
Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.
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tommy
|
Christopher Moore |
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af5f7d3
|
WARNING This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that's the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened..
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Christopher Moore |
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35aa73c
|
Tommy had felt alone in a crowd before, even inferior to everyone in a crowd, but now he felt, well, different. It wasn't just the clothes and the make up, it was the humanity. He wasn't part of it. Heightened senses or not, he felt like he had his nose pressed against the window, looking in. The problem was, it was the window of a donut shop.
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Christopher Moore |
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2c6b684
|
For a while he'd tried molding himself into the tragic Romantic hero, brooding and staring clench-jawed off into space as he composed dark verse in his head. But it turned out that trying to appear tragic in Incontinence, Indiana, was redundant, and his mother kept shouting at him and making him forget his rhymes. "Tommy, if you keep grinding your teeth like that, they'll wear away and you'll have to have dentures like Aunt Ester." Tommy on..
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Christopher Moore |
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1d4ec2d
|
Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won't break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon.
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Christopher Moore |
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eaa12bb
|
If they'd been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can't scratch.
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Christopher Moore |
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001abeb
|
Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn't it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid the archer's bolt. The others work their strategies and wait for the old man to fall. He has no power, yet all power moves in his orbit and to his mad whim. Do you know there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?" "Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves."
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Christopher Moore |
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c318726
|
his hero Millet had admonished. Auguste Renoir had told him. Ah, but what they hadn't said, hadn't warned him about, was you could see.
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painting
painters
|
Christopher Moore |
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64fdf34
|
When Charlie arrived home from his mother's funeral, he was met at the door by two very large very enthusiastic canines, who , undistracted by keeping watch over Sophie's love hostage, were now able to visit the full measure of their affection and joy upon their returning master. It is generally agreed, and in fact stated in the bylaws of the American Kennel Club, that you have not been truly dog-humped until you have been double-dog-humped..
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Christopher Moore |
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05019a6
|
It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man's talents with his personality.
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Christopher Moore |
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7dbed0a
|
Ydych chi'n cymryd cerdynnau credid?" said the highwayman, no doubt trying to frighten me further, his consonants chained like anal beads strung out of hell's own bunghole."
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consonants
fool
|
Christopher Moore |
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ba24aa5
|
Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food?
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Christopher Moore |
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0b1fd15
|
Pervy redundant, don't you think?" I asked the big gay cop, who wouldn't know a va-jay-jay if it bounced up to him and sang the "Star-Spangled Banner." (You ever notice that hardly anything besides the "Star-Spangled Banner" is spangled? There's no, like, the Raisin-Spangled Scone, or the Flea-Spangled Beagle. I'm just saying.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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ff47b35
|
Mr. Fresh sat down on the stool behind the counter and stared into the eyes of the cardboard cutout of Cher, hoping to find answers there. But the bitch was holding out.
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Christopher Moore |
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895215e
|
Anger is the spirits telling you that you are alive.
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Christopher Moore |
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ea8db59
|
The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans,Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens."I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting." Him." Pardon?" It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light." --
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humor
|
Christopher Moore |
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766e831
|
And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby"
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you-suck
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Christopher Moore |
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04e8ab7
|
You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems...
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Christopher Moore |
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4d8f8dd
|
she is too beautiful, I think, to not be inherently evil.
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Christopher Moore |
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daeed62
|
She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body." Detective Cavuto"
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Christopher Moore |
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b15ea8f
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She had a lot of nerve signing her note "Love." [...] But she sign it that way: "Love." What did that mean? Did she mean it, or was it habit? She probably signed all of her letters with "Love." Maybe not."
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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96aa867
|
In another Christmas story, Dale Pearson, evil developer, self-absorbed woman hater, and seemingly unredeemable curmudgeon, might be visited in the night by a series of ghosts who, by showing him bleak visions of Christmas future, past, and present, would bring about in him a change to generosity, kindness, and a general warmth toward his fellow man. But this is not that kind of Christmas story, so here, in not too many pages, someone is go..
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murder
humor
christmas
|
Christopher Moore |
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e8dc429
|
As a teacher of fourth-graders in a public school, where corporal punishement was not allowed, she had years of violence stored up and was, truth be told, sort of enjoying letting it out on Kona, who she felt could have been the poster child for the failure of public education.
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violence
education
moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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07bf556
|
I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.
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pain
love
hurt
self-mutilation
|
Christopher Moore |
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2e5c5fb
|
Moi?", said I, in perfect fucking French."
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Christopher Moore |
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f712394
|
I fink I gots deaf on me willie.
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Christopher Moore |
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5fd0758
|
Their names are Death, Disease, War, and Sparkle-Darkle Glitter-tits," Sophie said. "They're the four little ponies of the Apocalypse."
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Christopher Moore |
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c7a5f07
|
A woman's magazine quiz: Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, "Was it good for you?" You: a. Say, "God, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life" b. Say, "Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man." c. Put a Certs in your navel and say, "That's for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished"
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sex
|
Christopher Moore |
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82075c1
|
in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the Sex Fu is strong with this one. --The Chronicles of Abby Normal"
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you-suck
|
Christopher Moore |
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691fd75
|
She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.
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love
shame
|
Christopher Moore |
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d5e3d9f
|
Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff. --Being the Journal of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |