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7710d50
|
I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald] He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad sports a woody as stout as a mooring pin. Ask your lady." I nodded in agreement with the puppet, for he is most wise for having a brain of sawdust. Impudent! Impudent! Not impotent!" said Oswald, frothing a bit now."
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fool
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Christopher Moore |
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ee4420d
|
in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers.
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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00e900f
|
Like last year I took Advance Foods class (which is like cooking for nerds) after lunch, and so I usually took a nap. Which was fine, because I'm not even thrilled about regular foods, so, you know, what do I need with like advanced digital HD wi-fi foods and whatnot? -Abby
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you-suck
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Christopher Moore |
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6dd6ef6
|
You think too much. Thinking will bring you nothing but suffering. Be simple.
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Christopher Moore |
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7cb68ac
|
Of course they won't bloody remember, they'll be dead.' Then she called him a name in a dead language that translated, roughly, to 'poop on a stick,' but sounded more succinct, like this: 'Of course they won't bloody remember, they'll be dead, Poopstick.
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Christopher Moore |
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14aff58
|
She can be a whirlwind of tits and terror when she puts her mind to a purpose, can't she, sir?
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female-empowerment
terror
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Christopher Moore |
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faa8024
|
So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?
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humor
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Christopher Moore |
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2099902
|
They were both lean and blond and weather-beaten, and one evening, as they were portaging gear from their respective Zodiacs, Libby unzipped her survival suit and tied the sleeves around her waist so she could move more freely. Nate said, "You look good in that." No one, absolutely no one, looks good in a survival suit (unless a Day-Glo orange marshmallow man is your idea of a hot date), but Libby didn't even make the effort to roll her eye..
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love
flirting
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Christopher Moore |
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ed51038
|
This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
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kurt
|
Christopher Moore |
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99e0a23
|
Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a," she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants."
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fluke
|
Christopher Moore |
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50fe9e2
|
Mr. Asher, you can resist who you are for only so long. Finally, you just decide to go with fate.
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fate
life
ínpirational
|
Christopher Moore |
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6a308ab
|
Religion was supposed to be a matter of faith. Gods were not supposed to jump on your desk and snarl at you. They weren't supposed to sit in your office smoking cigarettes. God's didn't do anything. They were supposed to ignore you and let you suffer and die having never known whether your religion was a waste of time. Faith.
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inspirational
|
Christopher Moore |
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72ec320
|
Abby: I could be a slave to your darkest desires. I can do things. Anything you want. Tommy: Well, that's terrific, because we have a lot of laundry piled up and the apartment is a wreck. Abby: Anything you desire, my lord. I can do laundry, clean, bring you small creatures to quench your thirst until I am worthy.
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Christopher Moore |
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a14c86f
|
For it is written that "if the wise man appears always stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise."
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inspirational
|
Christopher Moore |
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dd74fa6
|
An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.
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Christopher Moore |
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9ad15b6
|
Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene. Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. "Do you think they mind?" The officer shook his head. "No, sir." Cavuto blew a stream of smoke at Gilbert [a dead guy]. "And him, do you think he minds?" No, sir." And you, Patrolman Jeeter, you don't mind, do you?" Jeeter cleared his throat. "Uh...no, sir." Well, good," Cavuto said. "Look, ..
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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1f283ac
|
Just because he was pretty didn't mean he couldn't be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory
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|
Christopher Moore |
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7280bcd
|
Is it so hard for you to give up what you never had?
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Christopher Moore |
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88f1ffb
|
Mankind, I suppose, is designed to run on - to be motivated by - temptation. If progress is a virtue then this is our greatest gift. (For what is curiosity if not intellectual temptation? And what progress is there without curiosity?) On the other hand, can you call such profound weakness a gift,or is it a design flaw? Is temptation itself at fault for man's woes, or it simply the lack of judgment in response to temptation? In other words, ..
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Christopher Moore |
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0d42ba7
|
If manta rays are going to be harmless, they should look more harmless, Pardee thought. Fuckers look like aquatic Draculas.
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Christopher Moore |
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928db9b
|
I like a girl with a substantial bottom,' said Renoir, drawing in the air the size bottom he preferred.
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renoir
|
Christopher Moore |
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a6145af
|
An embrace from him left scratches on my back that sometimes wept blood, yet my brothers and I fought to be the first in his arms when he returned from work each evening. The same injuries inflicted in anger would have sent us crying to our mother's skirts. I fell asleep each night feeling his hand on my back like a shield. Fathers.
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Christopher Moore |
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b1e743c
|
Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination. Every time you give them a new metaphor, a mustard seed, a field, a garden, a vineyard, it's like pointing something out to a cat - the cat looks at your finger, not at what you're pointing at. They don't need to understand it, they only need to believe, and they do. They imagine the kingdom as they need it to be, they don't need to grasp it, it's there already, they can let it..
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Christopher Moore |
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a795d18
|
Success in America doesn't require any special talent or any kind of extra effort. You just have to be consistent and not fuck up. That's how most people fail. They can't stand the pressure of getting what they want, so when they see that they are getting close they engineer some sort of fuckup to undermine their success.
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Christopher Moore |
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9dfea1a
|
Fate does not favor the dim.
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Christopher Moore |
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a84d07d
|
The three jewels of Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility. Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership.
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courage
leadership
tao
generosity
moderation
humility
|
Christopher Moore |
|
d146f43
|
The Holy Mother has many faces, but you know it's her from her blue cloak. She is said to be the spirit in all women." "Look, here she is naked and the baby Jesus has wings, " said Lucien. "That is not the Holy Mother, that's Venus and that's not Jesus, that is Cupid, the Roman god of love." "Wouldn't she have the spirit of the Holy Mother as well?" "No, she is a pagan myth." "What about Maman? Is the spirit of the Holy Mother in her?" "No..
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Christopher Moore |
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18fca7e
|
Any freedom that can be given can be taken away.
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Christopher Moore |
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2731a03
|
If you come to a river and find a boat at the edge, you will use that boat and it will serve you well, but once across the river, do you put the boat on your shoulders and carry it with you on the rest of your journey?
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Christopher Moore |
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9ab17a7
|
Life is an irritation.
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Christopher Moore |
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77306d2
|
Angels are just pretty insects.
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Christopher Moore |
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f4dc705
|
When war makes commerce and commerce is law, profit rules prudence and justice is flawed.
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Christopher Moore |
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80790d7
|
Everyone thinks that it was the big strong caveman who got the girl, and for the most part, that may have been true, but physical strength doesn't explain how our species created civilization. I think there was always some scrawny dreamer sitting at the edge of the firelight, who had the ability to imagine dangers, to look into the future in his imagination and see possibilities, and therefore survived to pass his genes on to the next gener..
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science
|
Christopher Moore |
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411ee81
|
I like my tea like I like my men," Audrey said. Jane looked at her quizzically. "Weak and green," Charlie said."
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Christopher Moore |
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57f3c4e
|
And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.)"
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humorous
|
Christopher Moore |
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b1c05a8
|
Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet.
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Christopher Moore |
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b95c175
|
I'm fucked. We're fucked. Together. Like Romeo and Juliet, only we get to be in a sequel.
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Christopher Moore |
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be3d140
|
Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?
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humor
series
vampires
|
Christopher Moore |
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26b9523
|
Hope is merely another face of desire.
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|
Christopher Moore |
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45b9abd
|
Which isn't, like, as bad as it sounds, because the general public kind of sucks ass.
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Christopher Moore |
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5624794
|
No theory ever benefited by the application of data, Amy. Data kills theories. A theory has no better time than when it's lying there naked, pure, unsullied by facts. Let's just keep it that way for a while." "So you don't really have a theory?" "Clueless." "You lying bag of fish heads." "I can fire you, you know. Even if Clay was the one that hired you, I'm not totally superfluous to this operation yet. I'm kind of in charge. I can fire yo..
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whales
|
Christopher Moore |
|
31267fe
|
He wanted her to experience all the glorious cheese of life.
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|
Christopher Moore |
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72c2ebd
|
Growl, you live in a slime lair and maintain an identity as the mysterious overlord of an undersea city, you command a fleet of meat dreadnaughts with crews of humanoid whale people, and you're currently reclining in a pulsating mass of gelatinous goo that looks like it escaped from hell's own Jell-O mold--so excuse the fuck out of me if I question your motives.
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Christopher Moore |
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a59b87b
|
I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, "Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together" and make me finish in front of everyone."
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Christopher Moore |