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63eb562
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Charlie said, "Mr. Mainheart was pretty broken up." "Well, I guess so," Lily said. "He married a complete fucktard."
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Christopher Moore |
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828dd87
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So, there on the front step, he decided to go with total hysteria. He started breathing hard, pumping up some tears, got a good whimpering sob going, then opened the door with a dieseling back sniffle. He fell onto the welcome mat and let loose with a full fire-truck-siren wail.
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Christopher Moore |
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7136cb3
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For it is written that 'if the wise man always appears stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise.
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Christopher Moore |
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f9d0984
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Whistler," Manet called. "How's your mother?"
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Christopher Moore |
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9218c7c
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We'll help," said one boy, his finger far enough up his nose to tickle a memory nesting in his frontal lobe."
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Christopher Moore |
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0af53e1
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Outside the bedroom Jane fumbled around and in her purse and produced a pack of cigarettes, but couldn't figure out whether to smoke one or not. "Holy Motown Jesus with Pips, what the fuck is going on in there?"
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Christopher Moore |
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d116703
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And whence do you hail?" "From Bonking, sire." "Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?" --
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Christopher Moore |
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ead8d3e
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All women are the same; a man needs to simply find his ideal and marry her to have all the women in the world.
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Christopher Moore |
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9ee1251
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He was very desperate for Audrey not to think of him as a bad guy. Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.
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Christopher Moore |
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ed9706a
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you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. The key--and this is very relevant in our case--is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.
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Christopher Moore |
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4e0826a
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But Nestle's Crunch is a fine choice," said Sam, trying to buy time, and keep the guy from going off on him. "A bit naive, but an undergrowth of ambergris and walnut gives it legs."
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Christopher Moore |
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660eb4d
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once brought a frog home, hoping to keep him as a pet. Not a large frog, a one-handed frog, quiet and well mannered. My mother made me release him, then cleanse myself in the immersion pool (the mikveh) at the synagogue. Still she wouldn't let me in the house until after sunset because I was unclean.
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Christopher Moore |
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f76aa34
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Rescued me from the darkest heart of the forest, fought off brigands, pygmies, and a brace of tigers to bring me here. But don't let him talk his Welsh at you, one tiger was vanquished in a sluice of phlegm and mortally beaten with consonants.
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Christopher Moore |
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1a17b17
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Being a shepherd seems easy. I went with Kaliel last week to tend his flock. The Law says that two must go with the flock to keep an abomination from happening. I can spot an abomination from fifty paces." Maggie smiled. "And did you prevent any abominations?" "Oh yes, I kept all of the abominations at bay while Kaliel played with his favorite sheep behind the bushes." "Biff," Joshua said gravely, "that was the abomination you were supposed..
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Christopher Moore |
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6f66433
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I said," said Lear, "most pernicious monstress, perfect in her perfidy!" Kent mimed a set of generous bosoms on himself and raised an eyebrow as if to ask, "Boobs?" I shrugged as if to say, "Aye, boobs sounds right." "Aye, most pernicious perfidy indeed, sire," said I. "Aye, most bouncy and jiggling perfidy,"3 said Kent."
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Christopher Moore |
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e001421
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While Charlie's Beta Male imagination may have often turned him toward timidity and even paranoia, when it came to accepting the unacceptable it served him like Kevlar toilet paper--bulletproof, if a tad disagreeable in application.
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Christopher Moore |
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c6c4dcb
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3. In order to hold off the Forces of Darkness, you will need a number two pencil and a calendar, preferably one without pictures of kitties on it. Keep it near you when you sleep.
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Christopher Moore |
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8289dc6
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LIke many artists, Estelle lived in an atmosphere of chaotic funk, taken by observers to be artistic charm, but in fact no more than a civilized way of dealing with the relative poverty and uncertainty of cannibalizing one's imagination for money. (15/142)
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Christopher Moore |
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3764b6b
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Have you never met anyone who works in a record store? There's no greater repository of unjustified arrogance in the world. I'd poison my employees if I thought I could find replacements.
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Christopher Moore |
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f92739f
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The loft looked as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy-bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.
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Christopher Moore |
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27b8dc3
|
Chet looked like a big-eyed, potbellied, protohuman in fur-lined, duct-tape space boots - the feline love child of Gollum and Dobby the house-elf.
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Christopher Moore |
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6f2f9eb
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Drool has sprouted an erection. Let's ask him what he's thinking about. Had his way with a knotted oak on the way here. A right spectacular tree-shagging it was, too. Knocked down enough acorns to feed the village for a week. They wanted to have a special feast day in honor of the git--declare him god of the tree-shag--more fertility symbols there than you can shake a stick at, innit?
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Christopher Moore |
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ddb41df
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And in retrospect, the flannel shirt may have been a mistake. He looked like he'd shown up at the sacrificial mass of the damned ready to fix the dishwasher.
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Christopher Moore |
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870393e
|
Finding her boyfriend tied naked to an upright bed frame, covered in blood, with a dead, blue dominatrix at his feet would be enough to rattle some women's confidence in the stability of their relationship. Some women might even take it as a sign of trouble. But Jody had been single for a number of years - she'd dated rock musicians and stockbrokers - and was conditioned to unusual bumps on the road of romance, so she simply sighed and kick..
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Christopher Moore |
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024e1ec
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Hey, Barry, climb off, motherfucker, I'm up next, then it's Jeff's turn. I put it on the board. Blue, don't let him do that to your ear, baby, you won't hear for a month.
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Christopher Moore |
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78da25b
|
You should never pass up an opportunity to be kind. You should never not thank someone. You should never not say something nice when you think it." "I don't." --
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Christopher Moore |
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c2f7ddc
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Is it the fault of a girl bright with the light of romance that she falls in love with a rascal? Is the love any less pure? Any less heartfelt? Any less painful when lost?
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Christopher Moore |
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ee48e4c
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She changed your oil and put the chill on you all in one night?
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Christopher Moore |
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f9e1f73
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As lovely as she was, sarcasm did not wear well on her. Still, she was a bright girl, and in our short time together we had built a bond of petty resentments that usually takes a lifetime to develop.
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Christopher Moore |
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291e5e0
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You see," I explained to Joshua, "what Joy is doing is ironic, yet that's not her intent. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm."
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Christopher Moore |
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4e87962
|
was drafted as a shortstop right out of high school by the Giants and sent to their double-A team in Richmond, Virginia, the Flying Squirrels, which is where I got my nickname--the squirrel--
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Christopher Moore |
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ba3161b
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so here, in not too many pages, someone is going to dispatch the miserable son of a bitch with a shovel. That's the spirit of Christmas yet to come in these parts. Ho, ho, ho.
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Christopher Moore |
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fd70e64
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Louvre's a little pious, isn't it? Can't throw a round of darts in there without scoring three Madonnas and a baby Jesus.
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Christopher Moore |
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2d4fc8d
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JULY
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Christopher Moore |
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1b7ea9b
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I've known him for seventy years. I'll vouch for his lack of character
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Christopher Moore |
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ae7f4b2
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Style can't be denied, Lemon. That's the difference between you and me: you a slave to fashion and I'm a sultan of style.
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Christopher Moore |
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24b47b5
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It happens again and again. I've seen people come out of a coma and sing their favorite songs, and all I can tell you is to enjoy it. People see the light come back into eyes that have been dull for months, and they start to place hope on it. It's not a sign of getting well, it's an opportunity to say good-bye. It's a gift.
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Christopher Moore |
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fd35e79
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Relajate, no puede comerselo. Ni siquiera tiene dientes. Y, ademas, no hay ningun Teletubby gimiendo de placer al otro lado. Ay, Dios, voy a necesitar un buen trago de tequila para quitarme esa imagen de la cabeza.
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Christopher Moore |
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edf49bf
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The three jewels of the Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility. Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership.
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Christopher Moore |
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dbe5231
|
These poor souls. These poor pathetic souls." The Emperor gestured toward the passersby. "I don't understand," Tommy said. "Their time has passed and they don't know what to do. They were told what they wanted and they believed it. They can only keep their dream alive by being with others like themselves who will mirror their illusions." "They have really nice shoes," Tommy said. "They have to look right or their peers will turn on them lik..
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metaphor
reality
humor
happiness
emperor-of-san-francisco
shoes
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Christopher Moore |
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8638bda
|
Chrysler and stood him up behind the Ford, where
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Christopher Moore |
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6a3e392
|
It's a note. Let me read it for you. 'Couldn't anyone else see that they were all slaves of Satan? I had to cleanse the world of their evil. I am the hand of God. Why else would security have let me into the building with an assault rifle in my suitcase? I am a divine instrument.'" Tommy paused and looked up. "That's all I have so far, but I'll guess I end it with an apology to my mom. What do you think?"
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writing
humor
evil
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Christopher Moore |
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c9c5861
|
Tommy had been dealing with more than a few adjustments since he'd come west from his hometown of Incontinence, Indiana--not the least of which had been finding a girlfriend, who, while smart, sexy, and quick-witted, drank his blood and tended to fall unconscious at the exact moment of sunrise.
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Christopher Moore |
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9ea0b2d
|
Fucksocks! It's Chet the huge shaved vampyre cat, down on the street. He looks bigger, and I think he ate a meter maid. Her little cart is running and there's an empty uniform on the curb. Bad kitty!
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humor
vampire-kitties
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Christopher Moore |