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adb4623 "Kendrick walked over to her purposefully, hauled her up into his arms and gave her a mock frown. "I hunger, wench." Genevieve put her arms around his neck. "Well? What are you going to hunt us for dinner?" "I'll slay a few steaks from the freezer." "You're so brave." funny genevieve kendrick stardust-of-yesterday Lynn Kurland
0594adb "Shergahn and friend lay like poleaxed steers, and the Daranfelian's greasy hair was thick with potatoes, carrots, gravy, and chunks of beef. His companion had less stew in his hair, but an equally large lump was rising fast, and Brandark flipped his improvised club into the air, caught it in proper dipping position, and filled it once more from the pot without even glancing at them. He raised the ladle to his nose, inhaled deeply, and glanced at the cook with an impudent twitch of his ears. "Smells delicious," he said while the laughter started up all around the fire. "I imagine a bellyful of this should help a hungry man sleep. Why, just look what a single ladle of it did for Shergahn!" bully defeat delicious food funny good humor humorous laughter lump shame sleep steer stew triumph yummy David Weber
88d612f Malory! You've got a chipmunk on your pussy! funny humor humorous Tamara Thorne
3a8ebea Algebra-Read pages 7-14. Do the odd numbered problems. From what I've seen, they're all pretty odd. funny David Lubar
c2d91d5 "Who said that?" asked Sir Grummore. funny sword talkative T.H. White
f4a1e6f Algebra-Readpages 7-14. Do the odd numbered problems. From what I've seen, they're all pretty odd. funny David Lubar
f44d1e7 The lawyer was a short, ugly, little man. He stood about three feet taller than his desk's two foot eight inch frame and he had dark eyes. Lois couldn't tell if they were black or an extremely dark brown. His hair was dirty blonde and very messy. He looked as if he had just crawled out of bed. His white button up shirt was tucked in on only one side and the other side hung out freely. He wore a pair of tan khakis and a pair of black loafers. His skin almost matched the khakis which was extremely creepy and Lois kept thinking the man wasn't wearing pants. crawl creepy frumpy funny khakis lawyer lazy loafers pants sleazy unprofessional Rebecca McNutt
560fa25 Okay. Oh-kay. Re-cap. He just had a man come in his mouth. He liked it. He may be embarking on anal sex, soon, if he was reading the subtext right. Options: stay or leave. Pros of staying: first experience with anal sex. Cons of staying: first experience with anal sex. No, no. That isn't right. Pros of staying: first experience with anal sex. Cons of staying: not being able to face Pete the next day. Maybe ever. The thing about sex, though, as Ryan is discovering, is that it's a goddamn persuasive motivator. It fucks with people's minds. funny m-m Dominique Frost
5a88290 "Yen Sid surveyed the young villains in front of him. ,,What you are about to do is very dangerous." Carlos perked up. ,,That's fine, my middle name is-" ,,Oscar" said Evie. ,,We know." descendants funny Melissa de la Cruz
442eb95 He had the whitest teeth I'd ever seen, which made me think his kisses would taste like Pep O Mint Life Savers. Joe's kisses probably tasted like pot and Funyuns. And failure. funny kiss love Tracey Garvis Graves
c4f4ea9 "In sum," Midlife said, giving the room his best you-the-jury baritone, "Our defense will be...?" He looked to Matt for the answer/ "Blame the other guy," Matt said. "Which other guy?" "Yes." "Huh?" "We blame whoever we can," Matt said. "The CFO, the COO, the C Choose-Your-Favorite-Two-Letter-Combination, the accounting firm, the banks, the board, the lower-level employees. We claim some of them are crooks. We claim some of them made honest mistakes that steamrolled." funny law Harlan Coben
0632139 Whenever a woman smiled his way, she'd already begun dividing her life into trimesters. funny Ta-Nehisi Coates
3af2c00 Mortimer Lindquist seemed to have finally given in to the inevitable. I'd seen him with a bad toupee, and with an even worse comb-over, but this was the first time I'd seen him sporting a full-on Charles Xavier. funny hair x-men Jim Butcher
8faed6f "I know you haven't burned down any buildings in a while," she said, "but if you start feeling the need..." fire funny wizard Jim Butcher
df94972 "As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in." clever epic funny humor humour make-me-laugh silly witty Garth Nix
5bc72c0 "The waitress walk away. Everyone look's at each other and then laugh. The laugh it feel so cathartic. It break the ice and sudenly the mood feel like old times. They may not have money now to aford food, but they still have each other. And forget what Maslow's "heirarchey of needs" say: some time's freindship is more important than nutrient's." funny Seinfeld 2000
e484835 Jary, Garge, Elane and Daved Pady emerge from the Lamborgini Veneno like sad clown's from the SICKEST clown car ever. funny humor Seinfeld 2000
8017097 So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land english funny hiraeth wales welsh Richard Llewellyn
c0e0f52 Be twice as funny as you are outrageous, because no one can resist the truth wrapped in a good joke. funny honesty truth Milo Yiannopoulos
09dc99d "I know what you're thinking," said Root. "Why am I picking on you every day? Why don't I ever bawl out those other layabouts?" Holly said nothing, but agreement was written all over the face. "I'll tell you why, shall I? Holly risked a nod. "It's because you're a girl." Holly felt her fingers curl into fists. She knew it!" funny Eoin Colfer
5628271 Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch. funny kind lunatics nice Eoin Colfer
caafafc Artemis hooked the speaker over one ear, adjusting the mike stem so it wound across his mouth. 'Foaly? Are you listening?' 'Are you kidding?' came the reply. 'This is better than human soap operas. funny soap-operas Eoin Colfer
0a5f656 he dragged her like a string of cans behind the wedding car funny visual-writing Eoin Colfer
606c6ef The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting. diversion funny humour Eoin Colfer
240f1db The British were unhinged by the colonists' unorthodox fighting style and shocking failure to abide by gentlemanly rules of engagement. One scandalized British soldier complained that the American riflemen 'conceal themselves behind trees etc. till an opportunity presents itself of taking a shot at our advance sentries, which done, they immediately retreat. What an unfair method of carrying on a war! funny humor revolutionary-war war Ron Chernow
19d1265 Weightlessness is like heroin, or how I imagine heroin must be. You try it once, and when it's over, all you can think about is how much you want to do it again. But apparently the thrill wears off. funny humor mary-roach sci-fi science space Mary Roach
3e7eef6 Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appelles cela betrugen? Corriger la fortune, l'enchainer sous ses doits, etre sur de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrugen? betrugen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak fur ein arm Sprak! fur ein plump Sprak! funny german humorous Gotthold Ephraim Lessing
f2f1b19 "Then Beverley Brook stepped onto the footplate and pointed a shotgun straight at the Queen's head - I recognised the Purdey from my trunk. It was nice to see it getting an airing. Beverley herself was wearing an oversized leather jerkin and jeans. Her dreads had been tied into a plait down her back and a pair of antique leather and brass goggles were pushed up onto her brow. foxglove-summer funny peter-grant Aaronovitch Ben
c75324d Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about this to my golden retriever, and I'll punch your lights out.) funny P.J. O'Rourke
829f1b7 ... where there's one there's ten.' That's crazy math. funny maths Emma Donoghue
f891871 It was not as natural as it appeared. It was more like milking a cow, easy as long as someone else was doing it. funny inspiration judgments just-do-it random Ann Patchett
c397147 "You nearly killed him-" "You do dwell on details" -- funny Patricia A. McKillip
b2558b5 I stared at MacFinn for a long moment. I believed that he was telling me the truth. That he didn't have much control, if any, over his actions when he transformed. Though it occurred to me that if he wanted someone dead, he could probably point his monster-self in the right direction before he lost control. Note to self: Do not cut MacFinn off in traffic. funny Jim Butcher
ed73317 You're drunk as four skunks, you idiot. funny Sherwood Smith
c8c479a It seemed that it was not only live magicians which Mr. Norrell despised. He had taken the measure of all the dead ones too and found them wanting. funny magic magicians Susanna Clarke
b115a8f This was another skill women were meant to learn: when a man's story had come to an end. Mostly, it wasn't a problem, as the end was thumpingly obvious; or else the narrator started snorting with laughter in advance, which was always a pretty good clue. Martha had long ago decided only to laugh at things she found funny. It seemed a normal sort of rule; but most men found it rebuking. funny men women Julian Barnes
32940b6 "He gave a good yell, for Baba Yaga at her best caused strong windows to crack and fall out of their frames." From "Baba Yaga and the Sorcerer's son" funny Patricia A. McKillip
43bb6ae Once I stand and watch helplessly while some rug rat pulls everything he can reach off the racks, and the thought that abortion is wasted on the unborn must show on my face, because his mother finally tells him to stop. funny kids nickel-and-dimed Barbara Ehrenreich
75549b0 No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce. food funny Christopher Moore
c22034c I sure wasn't going to ask Aunt Sally, because if she told me once that getting your period was like a moth becoming a butterfly, she'd probably say that sexual intercourse was like a deer getting antlers or something. antlers butterfly changes deer deer-getting-antlers funny girl humerous moth period puberty questioning sex sexual-intercourse teen teen-girl Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
6d30868 "The only fault he found with her was that she did not sing at her work. "Folks should always sing at their work," he insisted. "Sounds cheerful-like." "Not always," retorted Valancy. "Fancy a butcher singing at his work. Or an undertaker." contradiction funny singing L.M. Montgomery
2acdf0b There are just people going about what they always do. Talking. Parking crooked. funny human-nature humor location-3548 parking people Markus Zusak
5ce2628 Wahrend Alek zuschaute, begriff er, wie primitiv er das Gerat benutzt hatte, so wie eine Katze, die Klavier spielt. funny was-für-ein-vergleich Scott Westerfeld
69d2f27 Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities. funny humour romance Robyn Carr
951fdfe Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were. dark-humor drugs funny scifi-adventure James S.A. Corey
da32e30 Remember, good things come to those who wait. clean funny romance sweet Debbie Macomber
b4c61e0 An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers. fashion fashion-humor funny Aimee Bender
59bd752 ...for if she had two characteristics in her natural state of health, they were a facility of eating and sleeping. If she could neither eat nor sleep, she must be indeed out of spirits and out of Health. eat funny health sleep Elizabeth Gaskell
e23b684 Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty. dessert food funny humour joke Carl Hiaasen
b37efb6 Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty. funny humor humour music rhythm Mitch Albom
defd5ec "So who else did you convince?" "Well, I got Joe to potty train himself, and then I convinced Anna to leave the kids at home and go with me on a vacation to Jamaica." boldness dreams funny life Kim Stanley Robinson
1409e3e "['L]ook, of course I know you and your family have "beliefs",' began Howard uneasily, as if 'beliefs' were a kind of condition, like oral herpes." funny values Zadie Smith
0c0dca4 When she looked at him with those dark eyes, Nassar felt the urge to say something intelligent and deeply impressive. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind came to mind. funny humor romance Ilona Andrews
d2a7afd Maximus coughed a while longer, but in the middle of the night towards the end of the week, they were all woken by a terrible squealing, distant shrieks of terror and fire; in a panic they burst out from the tents to discover Maximus attempting guiltily to sneak unnoticed back into the parade grounds, with as much success as was to be expected in this endeavor, and carrying in his already-bloodied jaws a spare ox. This he hurriedly swallowed down almost entire, on finding himself observed, and then pretended not to know what they were talking about, insisting he had only got up to stretch his legs and settle himself more comfortably. funny humor maximus sneaking Naomi Novik
982957a He felt about as useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest funny Karin Slaughter
ae54105 My bare foot sounded like a sad trout flapping against the marble floor. funny trout Kevin Hearne
f173772 [I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to fling other kinds of poo around? I mean, you get opposable thumbs and this is what you do with them?] funny monkeys oberon Kevin Hearne
81832a3 "No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits." funny humour Nick Hornby
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