funny

Link	Quote	Tags	Author
0594adb	"Shergahn and friend lay like poleaxed steers, and the Daranfelian's greasy hair was thick with potatoes, carrots, gravy, and chunks of beef. His companion had less stew in his hair, but an equally large lump was rising fast, and Brandark flipped his improvised club into the air, caught it in proper dipping position, and filled it once more from the pot without even glancing at them. He raised the ladle to his nose, inhaled deeply, and glanced at the cook with an impudent twitch of his ears. "Smells delicious," he said while the laughter started up all around the fire. "I imagine a bellyful of this should help a hungry man sleep. Why, just look what a single ladle of it did for Shergahn!"	laughter sleep good humorous defeat funny humor lump steer yummy stew triumph delicious shame bully food	David Weber
17215e3	You watch pro ball and those guys spend so much time with their hands on each other's rear ends, you'd think they were feeling for diamonds or something.	funny humor football	Catherine Gilbert Murdock
0d842b8	With the long hours of daylight in the Alaska summers, the gardens served up a cornucopia of amazing and extra-large produce.	romance funny clean sweet	Debbie Macomber
560fa25	Okay. Oh-kay. Re-cap. He just had a man come in his mouth. He liked it. He may be embarking on anal sex, soon, if he was reading the subtext right. Options: stay or leave. Pros of staying: first experience with anal sex. Cons of staying: first experience with anal sex. No, no. That isn't right. Pros of staying: first experience with anal sex. Cons of staying: not being able to face Pete the next day. Maybe ever. The thing about sex, though, as Ryan is discovering, is that it's a goddamn persuasive motivator. It fucks with people's minds.	funny m-m	Dominique Frost
d9acae6	"Okay, you gotta be nice to him, " I say, coaxing the white fur-ball into my hands. "I will," Nate says, and I smile over my shoulder. "I was actually talking to Mr. Pippi. He's a bit of a butthole."	funny	Cassie Mae
8235210	"I think we ought to find something else to do," said Mandy. "But Alecto my love, you're the first person to notice my retro diner kitchen. When my parents saw it, they thought I was creating a weird art project." "I like it. It's got that let's-drown-ourselves-in-better-days type ambiance," Alecto declared, his gray eyes narrowed."	funny friendship love ambience better-days fifties retro cape-breton nova-scotia diner drowning pollution art parents kitchen nostalgia	Rebecca McNutt
09dc99d	"I know what you're thinking," said Root. "Why am I picking on you every day? Why don't I ever bawl out those other layabouts?" Holly said nothing, but agreement was written all over the face. "I'll tell you why, shall I? Holly risked a nod. "It's because you're a girl." Holly felt her fingers curl into fists. She knew it!"	funny	Eoin Colfer
0632139	Whenever a woman smiled his way, she'd already begun dividing her life into trimesters.	funny	Ta-Nehisi Coates
c2d91d5	"Who said that?" asked Sir Grummore.	funny talkative sword	T.H. White
240f1db	The British were unhinged by the colonists' unorthodox fighting style and shocking failure to abide by gentlemanly rules of engagement. One scandalized British soldier complained that the American riflemen 'conceal themselves behind trees etc. till an opportunity presents itself of taking a shot at our advance sentries, which done, they immediately retreat. What an unfair method of carrying on a war!	war funny humor revolutionary-war	Ron Chernow
606c6ef	The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.	humour funny diversion	Eoin Colfer
36282ff	"And what if the other kids laugh at me?" Kerry complained to her parents as she nibbled on a piece of toast that morning. "I have a Cape Breton accent! They'll know I'm from Canada and they'll start asking me if I lived in an igloo or ate maple syrup, bacon and seal meat every day!" "You're really overreacting," Susan chuckled, sipping on a glass of orange juice. "Canada is a lot like the States and the only thing separating both countries is an imaginary boarder! If anyone laughs at you, tell them it doesn't snow year-round, you got free health care while you were there and that you never rode a polar bear to school. Besides, do you know how many popular movies and TV shows from the States were filmed in Canada?" "It's not just the Canada stuff mom," Kerry sighed worriedly. "I'm from Dym, it's an industrial dump!" "Yeah, and have you looked at Pittsburgh lately?" Susan asked. "Full of coal mines and steel mills, just like Sydney was when we lived there! I actually rather came to like the pollution, I don't think I'd ever want to leave it."	funny wisdom pittsburgh polar-bear seal cape-breton nova-scotia canada united-states weird morning girl teenager parents stereotype teen joke nostalgia school	Rebecca McNutt
4b1465b	"Bernie cursed and swore like a sailor sometimes, even around young children, to the point where he was kicked out of Disney World during a trip to Orlando, Florida one year. To boot, he'd jabbed a sewing needle into the helium Mickey Mouse balloons of at least twenty kids before a park worker dressed as Cinderella finally called security. "Disney's a greedy, bloodsucking corporation," was Bernie's half-assed excuse. Tony wasn't sure that even Bernie himself knew why he had an attitude like that."	kids funny corporation disney cinderella swear needle weird excuse	Rebecca McNutt
9d01ef4	Tropical trees had been planted throughout the room, along with bright flowering plants that were busy committing the olfactory floral equivalent of aggravated assault.	funny smell flowers	Jim Butcher
0a5f656	he dragged her like a string of cans behind the wedding car	funny visual-writing	Eoin Colfer
1ec9d2d	There is no spoon.	illusion funny matrix wizard	Jim Butcher
adb4623	"Kendrick walked over to her purposefully, hauled her up into his arms and gave her a mock frown. "I hunger, wench." Genevieve put her arms around his neck. "Well? What are you going to hunt us for dinner?" "I'll slay a few steaks from the freezer." "You're so brave."	funny genevieve kendrick stardust-of-yesterday	Lynn Kurland
8017097	So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land	funny wales welsh english hiraeth	Richard Llewellyn
263d817	"That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane." Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then?"	marriage funny love	Jim Butcher
f07621c	Why would any writer in her right mind ever consider making a movie instead? That's like going from being a monk or a nun to serving as a camp counselor for hundreds of problem children.	funny	Amy Tan
5a88290	"Yen Sid surveyed the young villains in front of him. ,,What you are about to do is very dangerous." Carlos perked up. ,,That's fine, my middle name is-" ,,Oscar" said Evie. ,,We know."	funny descendants	Melissa de la Cruz
caafafc	Artemis hooked the speaker over one ear, adjusting the mike stem so it wound across his mouth. 'Foaly? Are you listening?' 'Are you kidding?' came the reply. 'This is better than human soap operas.	funny soap-operas	Eoin Colfer
b724084	What the hell kind of Hell was this supposed to be?	funny ghost hell	Jim Butcher
df94972	"As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in."	clever humour funny humor make-me-laugh silly epic witty	Garth Nix
5628271	Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.	funny lunatics nice kind	Eoin Colfer
d2a7afd	Maximus coughed a while longer, but in the middle of the night towards the end of the week, they were all woken by a terrible squealing, distant shrieks of terror and fire; in a panic they burst out from the tents to discover Maximus attempting guiltily to sneak unnoticed back into the parade grounds, with as much success as was to be expected in this endeavor, and carrying in his already-bloodied jaws a spare ox. This he hurriedly swallowed down almost entire, on finding himself observed, and then pretended not to know what they were talking about, insisting he had only got up to stretch his legs and settle himself more comfortably.	funny humor maximus sneaking	Naomi Novik
1409e3e	"['L]ook, of course I know you and your family have "beliefs",' began Howard uneasily, as if 'beliefs' were a kind of condition, like oral herpes."	funny values	Zadie Smith
829f1b7	... where there's one there's ten.' That's crazy math.	funny maths	Emma Donoghue
3e7eef6	Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appelles cela betrugen? Corriger la fortune, l'enchainer sous ses doits, etre sur de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrugen? betrugen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak fur ein arm Sprak! fur ein plump Sprak!	humorous funny german	Gotthold Ephraim Lessing
81832a3	"No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits."	humour funny	Nick Hornby
ae54105	My bare foot sounded like a sad trout flapping against the marble floor.	funny trout	Kevin Hearne
f173772	[I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to fling other kinds of poo around? I mean, you get opposable thumbs and this is what you do with them?]	funny oberon monkeys	Kevin Hearne
b4c61e0	An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers.	funny fashion-humor fashion	Aimee Bender
ed73317	You're drunk as four skunks, you idiot.	funny	Sherwood Smith
69d2f27	Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities.	humour romance funny	Robyn Carr
f2f1b19	"Then Beverley Brook stepped onto the footplate and pointed a shotgun straight at the Queen's head - I recognised the Purdey from my trunk. It was nice to see it getting an airing. Beverley herself was wearing an oversized leather jerkin and jeans. Her dreads had been tied into a plait down her back and a pair of antique leather and brass goggles were pushed up onto her brow.	funny foxglove-summer peter-grant	Aaronovitch Ben
c22034c	I sure wasn't going to ask Aunt Sally, because if she told me once that getting your period was like a moth becoming a butterfly, she'd probably say that sexual intercourse was like a deer getting antlers or something.	sex funny antlers deer deer-getting-antlers humerous period sexual-intercourse teen-girl puberty butterfly moth questioning changes girl teen	Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
5ce2628	Wahrend Alek zuschaute, begriff er, wie primitiv er das Gerat benutzt hatte, so wie eine Katze, die Klavier spielt.	funny was-für-ein-vergleich	Scott Westerfeld
b2558b5	I stared at MacFinn for a long moment. I believed that he was telling me the truth. That he didn't have much control, if any, over his actions when he transformed. Though it occurred to me that if he wanted someone dead, he could probably point his monster-self in the right direction before he lost control. Note to self: Do not cut MacFinn off in traffic.	funny	Jim Butcher
b115a8f	This was another skill women were meant to learn: when a man's story had come to an end. Mostly, it wasn't a problem, as the end was thumpingly obvious; or else the narrator started snorting with laughter in advance, which was always a pretty good clue. Martha had long ago decided only to laugh at things she found funny. It seemed a normal sort of rule; but most men found it rebuking.	men women funny	Julian Barnes
43bb6ae	Once I stand and watch helplessly while some rug rat pulls everything he can reach off the racks, and the thought that abortion is wasted on the unborn must show on my face, because his mother finally tells him to stop.	kids funny nickel-and-dimed	Barbara Ehrenreich
0c0dca4	When she looked at him with those dark eyes, Nassar felt the urge to say something intelligent and deeply impressive. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind came to mind.	romance funny humor	Ilona Andrews
b37efb6	Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty.	humour funny music humor rhythm	Mitch Albom
defd5ec	"So who else did you convince?" "Well, I got Joe to potty train himself, and then I convinced Anna to leave the kids at home and go with me on a vacation to Jamaica."	funny dreams life boldness	Kim Stanley Robinson
32940b6	"He gave a good yell, for Baba Yaga at her best caused strong windows to crack and fall out of their frames." From "Baba Yaga and the Sorcerer's son"	funny	Patricia A. McKillip
c397147	"You nearly killed him-" "You do dwell on details" --	funny	Patricia A. McKillip
c75324d	Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about this to my golden retriever, and I'll punch your lights out.)	funny	P.J. O'Rourke
e23b684	Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.	humour funny dessert joke food	Carl Hiaasen
19d1265	Weightlessness is like heroin, or how I imagine heroin must be. You try it once, and when it's over, all you can think about is how much you want to do it again. But apparently the thrill wears off.	funny science humor mary-roach space sci-fi	Mary Roach
59bd752	...for if she had two characteristics in her natural state of health, they were a facility of eating and sleeping. If she could neither eat nor sleep, she must be indeed out of spirits and out of Health.	sleep funny health eat	Elizabeth Gaskell
951fdfe	Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.	funny scifi-adventure drugs dark-humor	James S.A. Corey
75549b0	No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce.	funny food	Christopher Moore
6d30868	"The only fault he found with her was that she did not sing at her work. "Folks should always sing at their work," he insisted. "Sounds cheerful-like." "Not always," retorted Valancy. "Fancy a butcher singing at his work. Or an undertaker."	funny contradiction singing	L.M. Montgomery
2acdf0b	There are just people going about what they always do. Talking. Parking crooked.	people funny humor location-3548 parking human-nature	Markus Zusak
982957a	He felt about as useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest	funny	Karin Slaughter
f891871	It was not as natural as it appeared. It was more like milking a cow, easy as long as someone else was doing it.	funny inspiration just-do-it judgments random	Ann Patchett
da32e30	Remember, good things come to those who wait.	romance funny clean sweet	Debbie Macomber
c8c479a	It seemed that it was not only live magicians which Mr. Norrell despised. He had taken the measure of all the dead ones too and found them wanting.	magic funny magicians	Susanna Clarke

0594adb

"Shergahn and friend lay like poleaxed steers, and the Daranfelian's greasy hair was thick with potatoes, carrots, gravy, and chunks of beef. His companion had less stew in his hair, but an equally large lump was rising fast, and Brandark flipped his improvised club into the air, caught it in proper dipping position, and filled it once more from the pot without even glancing at them. He raised the ladle to his nose, inhaled deeply, and glanced at the cook with an impudent twitch of his ears. "Smells delicious," he said while the laughter started up all around the fire. "I imagine a bellyful of this should help a hungry man sleep. Why, just look what a single ladle of it did for Shergahn!"

laughter sleep good humorous defeat funny humor lump steer yummy stew triumph delicious shame bully food

David Weber

17215e3

You watch pro ball and those guys spend so much time with their hands on each other's rear ends, you'd think they were feeling for diamonds or something.

funny humor football

Catherine Gilbert Murdock

0d842b8

With the long hours of daylight in the Alaska summers, the gardens served up a cornucopia of amazing and extra-large produce.

romance funny clean sweet

Debbie Macomber

560fa25

Okay. Oh-kay. Re-cap. He just had a man come in his mouth. He liked it. He may be embarking on anal sex, soon, if he was reading the subtext right. Options: stay or leave. Pros of staying: first experience with anal sex. Cons of staying: first experience with anal sex. No, no. That isn't right. Pros of staying: first experience with anal sex. Cons of staying: not being able to face Pete the next day. Maybe ever. The thing about sex, though, as Ryan is discovering, is that it's a goddamn persuasive motivator. It fucks with people's minds.

funny m-m

Dominique Frost

d9acae6

"Okay, you gotta be nice to him, " I say, coaxing the white fur-ball into my hands. "I will," Nate says, and I smile over my shoulder. "I was actually talking to Mr. Pippi. He's a bit of a butthole."

funny

Cassie Mae

8235210

"I think we ought to find something else to do," said Mandy. "But Alecto my love, you're the first person to notice my retro diner kitchen. When my parents saw it, they thought I was creating a weird art project." "I like it. It's got that let's-drown-ourselves-in-better-days type ambiance," Alecto declared, his gray eyes narrowed."

funny friendship love ambience better-days fifties retro cape-breton nova-scotia diner drowning pollution art parents kitchen nostalgia

Rebecca McNutt

09dc99d

"I know what you're thinking," said Root. "Why am I picking on you every day? Why don't I ever bawl out those other layabouts?" Holly said nothing, but agreement was written all over the face. "I'll tell you why, shall I? Holly risked a nod. "It's because you're a girl." Holly felt her fingers curl into fists. She knew it!"

funny

Eoin Colfer

0632139

Whenever a woman smiled his way, she'd already begun dividing her life into trimesters.

funny

Ta-Nehisi Coates

c2d91d5

"Who said that?" asked Sir Grummore.

funny talkative sword

T.H. White

240f1db

The British were unhinged by the colonists' unorthodox fighting style and shocking failure to abide by gentlemanly rules of engagement. One scandalized British soldier complained that the American riflemen 'conceal themselves behind trees etc. till an opportunity presents itself of taking a shot at our advance sentries, which done, they immediately retreat. What an unfair method of carrying on a war!

war funny humor revolutionary-war

Ron Chernow

606c6ef

The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.

humour funny diversion

Eoin Colfer

36282ff

"And what if the other kids laugh at me?" Kerry complained to her parents as she nibbled on a piece of toast that morning. "I have a Cape Breton accent! They'll know I'm from Canada and they'll start asking me if I lived in an igloo or ate maple syrup, bacon and seal meat every day!" "You're really overreacting," Susan chuckled, sipping on a glass of orange juice. "Canada is a lot like the States and the only thing separating both countries is an imaginary boarder! If anyone laughs at you, tell them it doesn't snow year-round, you got free health care while you were there and that you never rode a polar bear to school. Besides, do you know how many popular movies and TV shows from the States were filmed in Canada?" "It's not just the Canada stuff mom," Kerry sighed worriedly. "I'm from Dym, it's an industrial dump!" "Yeah, and have you looked at Pittsburgh lately?" Susan asked. "Full of coal mines and steel mills, just like Sydney was when we lived there! I actually rather came to like the pollution, I don't think I'd ever want to leave it."

funny wisdom pittsburgh polar-bear seal cape-breton nova-scotia canada united-states weird morning girl teenager parents stereotype teen joke nostalgia school

Rebecca McNutt

4b1465b

"Bernie cursed and swore like a sailor sometimes, even around young children, to the point where he was kicked out of Disney World during a trip to Orlando, Florida one year. To boot, he'd jabbed a sewing needle into the helium Mickey Mouse balloons of at least twenty kids before a park worker dressed as Cinderella finally called security. "Disney's a greedy, bloodsucking corporation," was Bernie's half-assed excuse. Tony wasn't sure that even Bernie himself knew why he had an attitude like that."

kids funny corporation disney cinderella swear needle weird excuse

Rebecca McNutt

9d01ef4

Tropical trees had been planted throughout the room, along with bright flowering plants that were busy committing the olfactory floral equivalent of aggravated assault.

funny smell flowers

Jim Butcher

0a5f656

he dragged her like a string of cans behind the wedding car

funny visual-writing

Eoin Colfer

1ec9d2d

There is no spoon.

illusion funny matrix wizard

Jim Butcher

adb4623

"Kendrick walked over to her purposefully, hauled her up into his arms and gave her a mock frown. "I hunger, wench." Genevieve put her arms around his neck. "Well? What are you going to hunt us for dinner?" "I'll slay a few steaks from the freezer." "You're so brave."

funny genevieve kendrick stardust-of-yesterday

Lynn Kurland

8017097

So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land

funny wales welsh english hiraeth

Richard Llewellyn

263d817

"That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane." Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then?"

marriage funny love

Jim Butcher

f07621c

Why would any writer in her right mind ever consider making a movie instead? That's like going from being a monk or a nun to serving as a camp counselor for hundreds of problem children.

funny

Amy Tan

5a88290

"Yen Sid surveyed the young villains in front of him. ,,What you are about to do is very dangerous." Carlos perked up. ,,That's fine, my middle name is-" ,,Oscar" said Evie. ,,We know."

funny descendants

Melissa de la Cruz

caafafc

Artemis hooked the speaker over one ear, adjusting the mike stem so it wound across his mouth. 'Foaly? Are you listening?' 'Are you kidding?' came the reply. 'This is better than human soap operas.

funny soap-operas

Eoin Colfer

b724084

What the hell kind of Hell was this supposed to be?

funny ghost hell

Jim Butcher

df94972

"As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in."

clever humour funny humor make-me-laugh silly epic witty

Garth Nix

5628271

Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.

funny lunatics nice kind

Eoin Colfer

d2a7afd

Maximus coughed a while longer, but in the middle of the night towards the end of the week, they were all woken by a terrible squealing, distant shrieks of terror and fire; in a panic they burst out from the tents to discover Maximus attempting guiltily to sneak unnoticed back into the parade grounds, with as much success as was to be expected in this endeavor, and carrying in his already-bloodied jaws a spare ox. This he hurriedly swallowed down almost entire, on finding himself observed, and then pretended not to know what they were talking about, insisting he had only got up to stretch his legs and settle himself more comfortably.

funny humor maximus sneaking

Naomi Novik

1409e3e

"['L]ook, of course I know you and your family have "beliefs",' began Howard uneasily, as if 'beliefs' were a kind of condition, like oral herpes."

funny values

Zadie Smith

829f1b7

... where there's one there's ten.' That's crazy math.

funny maths

Emma Donoghue

3e7eef6

Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appelles cela betrugen? Corriger la fortune, l'enchainer sous ses doits, etre sur de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrugen? betrugen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak fur ein arm Sprak! fur ein plump Sprak!

humorous funny german

Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

81832a3

"No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits."

humour funny

Nick Hornby

ae54105

My bare foot sounded like a sad trout flapping against the marble floor.

funny trout

Kevin Hearne

f173772

[I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to fling other kinds of poo around? I mean, you get opposable thumbs and this is what you do with them?]

funny oberon monkeys

Kevin Hearne

b4c61e0

An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers.

funny fashion-humor fashion

Aimee Bender

ed73317

You're drunk as four skunks, you idiot.

funny

Sherwood Smith

69d2f27

Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities.

humour romance funny

Robyn Carr

f2f1b19

"Then Beverley Brook stepped onto the footplate and pointed a shotgun straight at the Queen's head - I recognised the Purdey from my trunk. It was nice to see it getting an airing. Beverley herself was wearing an oversized leather jerkin and jeans. Her dreads had been tied into a plait down her back and a pair of antique leather and brass goggles were pushed up onto her brow.

funny foxglove-summer peter-grant

Aaronovitch Ben

c22034c

I sure wasn't going to ask Aunt Sally, because if she told me once that getting your period was like a moth becoming a butterfly, she'd probably say that sexual intercourse was like a deer getting antlers or something.

sex funny antlers deer deer-getting-antlers humerous period sexual-intercourse teen-girl puberty butterfly moth questioning changes girl teen

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

5ce2628

Wahrend Alek zuschaute, begriff er, wie primitiv er das Gerat benutzt hatte, so wie eine Katze, die Klavier spielt.

funny was-für-ein-vergleich

Scott Westerfeld

b2558b5

I stared at MacFinn for a long moment. I believed that he was telling me the truth. That he didn't have much control, if any, over his actions when he transformed. Though it occurred to me that if he wanted someone dead, he could probably point his monster-self in the right direction before he lost control. Note to self: Do not cut MacFinn off in traffic.

funny

Jim Butcher

b115a8f

This was another skill women were meant to learn: when a man's story had come to an end. Mostly, it wasn't a problem, as the end was thumpingly obvious; or else the narrator started snorting with laughter in advance, which was always a pretty good clue. Martha had long ago decided only to laugh at things she found funny. It seemed a normal sort of rule; but most men found it rebuking.

men women funny

Julian Barnes

43bb6ae

Once I stand and watch helplessly while some rug rat pulls everything he can reach off the racks, and the thought that abortion is wasted on the unborn must show on my face, because his mother finally tells him to stop.

kids funny nickel-and-dimed

Barbara Ehrenreich

0c0dca4

When she looked at him with those dark eyes, Nassar felt the urge to say something intelligent and deeply impressive. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind came to mind.

romance funny humor

Ilona Andrews

b37efb6

Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty.

humour funny music humor rhythm

Mitch Albom

defd5ec

"So who else did you convince?" "Well, I got Joe to potty train himself, and then I convinced Anna to leave the kids at home and go with me on a vacation to Jamaica."

funny dreams life boldness

Kim Stanley Robinson

32940b6

"He gave a good yell, for Baba Yaga at her best caused strong windows to crack and fall out of their frames." From "Baba Yaga and the Sorcerer's son"

funny

Patricia A. McKillip

c397147

"You nearly killed him-" "You do dwell on details" --

funny

Patricia A. McKillip

c75324d

Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about this to my golden retriever, and I'll punch your lights out.)

funny

P.J. O'Rourke

e23b684

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.

humour funny dessert joke food

Carl Hiaasen

19d1265

Weightlessness is like heroin, or how I imagine heroin must be. You try it once, and when it's over, all you can think about is how much you want to do it again. But apparently the thrill wears off.

funny science humor mary-roach space sci-fi

Mary Roach

59bd752

...for if she had two characteristics in her natural state of health, they were a facility of eating and sleeping. If she could neither eat nor sleep, she must be indeed out of spirits and out of Health.

sleep funny health eat

Elizabeth Gaskell

951fdfe

Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.

funny scifi-adventure drugs dark-humor

James S.A. Corey

75549b0

No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce.

funny food

Christopher Moore

6d30868

"The only fault he found with her was that she did not sing at her work. "Folks should always sing at their work," he insisted. "Sounds cheerful-like." "Not always," retorted Valancy. "Fancy a butcher singing at his work. Or an undertaker."

funny contradiction singing