Site uses cookies to provide basic functionality.

OK
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 ▲ ▼
Link Quote Stars Tags Author
ff65dc7 And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged. humour humor star-trek-references grammar-humor space-travel science-fiction grammar Douglas Adams
8b701dd What a strange family you are! Is your name Lettie too? humor lettie-hatter Diana Wynne Jones
58e7c3a We were just looking at maps... humor map Rick Riordan
fcb0919 "Perhaps there isn't anything Alec is afraid of." Magnus glanced at Alec and raised his eyebrows. "Boo," he said. Jace was grinning. "Come on, surely you've got a phobia or two. What scares you?" Alec thought for a moment. "Spiders," he said. Clary turned to Luke. "Have you got a spider anywhere?" Luke looked exasperated. "Why would I have a spider? Do I look like someone who would collect them?" "No offense," Jace said, "But you kind of do." "You know"---Alec's tone was sour---"Maybe this was a stupid experiment." "What about the dark?" Clary suggested. "We could lock you in the basement." "I'm a demon hunter," Alec said, with exaggerated patience. "Clearly, I am not afraid of the dark." fear humor jace-lightwood fearless Cassandra Clare
6519c85 "Sunshine, I... Starla's voice broke off as she entered the room and caught sight of him standing naked in the corner. She eyed him in an odd, detached way, as if he were an interesting piece of furniture. Talon and modesty were strangers, but the way she stared at him made him damned uncomfortable. In spite of the sunlight, Talon grabbed the pink blanket off the bed and clutched it to his middle. You know, Sunshine, you need to find a man like that to marry. Someone so well hung that even after three or four kids, he'd still be wall to wall. Talon gaped. Sunshine laughed. "Starla, you're embarrassing him." humor paranmoral-romance Sherrilyn Kenyon
dabb607 Having solved all the major mathematical, physical, chemical, biological, sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological and psychological problems of the Universe except for his own, three times over, [Marvin] was severely stuck for something to do, and had taken up composing short dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one was a lullaby. Marvin droned, He paused to gather the artistic and emotional strength to tackle the next verse. humor marvin h2g2 hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy sci-fi Douglas Adams
d56a06e His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action. politics humor Jennifer Crusie
3d046f3 "Jessamine flushed. "I do . I mean, I did not. I mean--ugh! Charlotte, Will's being vexing." "And the sun has come up in the east," said Jem, to no one in particular." humor tattling Cassandra Clare
4c98217 One can never have enough socks harry-potter true humor J.K. Rowling
5ec6d23 "Tohru: "Call a doctor, or a vet, or something! Mr. Postman! It's terrible! You see?! They're animals!" Mailman: "Well, uh, yes, they certainly are. Here's your mail." Tohru: "No, no, we've got to do something!" (Shigure in dog form grabs the letter.) Mailman: "I wish my dog was as smart. Good day!" humor manga tohru-honda natsuki-takaya tohru Natsuki Takaya
c5650d4 "A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?" giant humor children-s the-bfg gas farting roald-dahl friendly Roald Dahl
9d82480 Bite me, faerie fruitcake. humor Jim Butcher
cea1602 "Otis," I said. "Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis." "I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay." Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam." humorous humour funny humor humorous-quoations humorous-quotes Rick Riordan
cb37c41 "I realized then what had happened. She had turned us--all of us, except for Mouse--into great, gaunt, long-legged hounds. Wonderful!" Lea said, pirouetting upon one toe, laughing. "Come, children!" And she leapt off into the jungle, nimble and swift as a doe. A bunch of us dogs stood around for a moment, just sort of staring at one another. And Mouse said, in what sounded to me like perfectly understandable English, "That ." humor mouse leanansidhe karrin-murphy sanya thomas-raith molly-carpenter Jim Butcher
066d432 A certain man once lost a diamond cuff-link in the wide blue sea, and twenty years later, on the exact day, a Friday apparently, he was eating a large fish - but there was no diamond inside. That's what I like about coincidence. humor insightful Vladimir Nabokov
a320680 Hearts can't be broken because they're made of marzipan. romance humor inspirational food creativity Kerstin Gier
36f9220 "And what about us? Do you want a vampire boyfriend?" He laughed bitterly. "Because I forsee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin pina colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin." fun humor love city-of-ashes clary-fray the-mortal-instruments simon-lewis cassandra-clare vampire Cassandra Clare
aee72c6 I take my hat off to you -- or I would, if I were not afraid of showering you in spiders. humor spiders J.K. Rowling
b509d74 "Every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase "happily ever after." Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational women to set her straight." marriage humor happily-ever-after Catherine Gilbert Murdock
482287b I'm not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star. humor inspirational Sojourner Truth
f7f5c06 As far as informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, full-length wizard's robes, and pointed hat, stretched out on a beach somewhere, rubbing suntan lotion onto his long crooked nose. harry-potter humor J.K. Rowling
454168a I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story. humor Jonathan Safran Foer
a679a8c On the first day Coraline's family moved in, Miss Spink and Miss Forcible made a point of telling Coraline how dangerous the well was, and they warned her to be sure she kept away from it. So Coraline set off to explore for it, so that she knew where it was, to keep away from it properly. humor Neil Gaiman
a65296d It's the perfect solution. We argue all the time. We can't stand each other. It's like we're already married. marriage humor hathaways leo Lisa Kleypas
ae0a77a Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not. be-yourself acting adage adages aphorisms audacity axiom axioms balls cojones conforming courageousness dictum dictums fit-in hardihood heroism herself human-being intrepidity made-me-think make-you-think maxims motivated moxie murder murdered oneself persons pluckiness pretender pretenders profound provoke-thought quotation spunk standout themselves true-grit daring humour bravery courage inspired people human fear quote inspiration inspire death motivational humor inspirational fearful actor saying lemons conform animal pluck courageous lemon plants nerve boldness motive plant words-to-live-by killed gnomes nonconformity orange maxim tree brave actors façades act grit epigram epigrams gnome produce deep fitting-in valour proverbs facade aphorism pretending quotations sayings pretend conformity gallantry peoples guts standing-out trees animals satire satirical self thought-provoking person himself yourself quotes human-beings thoughtful insightful proverb humans kill fearlessness dead fruit fruits die Mokokoma Mokhonoana
90b03c9 "Promise me, Amelie, that you'll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love." "I hardly think there's any chance of that," Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity." funny humor eve-rosser myrnin michael-glass ghost-town morganville-vampires rachel-caine shane-collins teacher vampire vampires Rachel Caine
9215ed3 "I am ever a gentle maiden," she shouted. "Damn if I'm not." humor julie-garwood romance-novels Julie Garwood
2079e24 No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot humor the-patriotic-murders Agatha Christie
b3cafba Get up, you useless lump, get up! humor j-k-rowling J.K. Rowling
5f1094d "Will!" Charlotte threw up her hands. "Why didn't you say so?" "You know, the books on demon pox are in the library," Will said with an injured tone. "I wasn't preventing anyone from reading them" humor will-herondale Cassandra Clare
3d36b1c "Ash paused as he entered the house to find the three women lined up and... singing to... dear gods, anything but this. "Fergilicious." All he needed was for Simi to be here and off-key with them since it was her favorite song and he'd spent the better part of the last year cursing whoever was dumb enough to introduce that song to a hormonal teenaged demon. Worst part? Simi wanted him to call her Similicious." humor simi Sherrilyn Kenyon
1408637 You are a terror, aren't you? Leave this yard alone. I know just where everything is in it, and I won't be able to find the things I need for my transport spells if you tidy them up.' So there was probably a bundle of souls or a box of chewed hearts somewhere out here, Sophie thought. She felt really thwarted. 'Tidying up is what I'm for!' she shouted at Howl. 'Then you must think of a new meaning for your life,' Howl said. humor howl-s-moving-castle sophie howl Diana Wynne Jones
ae6770c "Hermes gazed up at the stars. "My dear young cousin, if there's one thing I've learned over the eons, it's that you can't give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it. It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the Internet-" "You invented the Internet?" , Martha said. , George said. "It was my idea!" Hermes said. "I mean the Internet, not the rats." humor rat george martha percy-jackson hermes internet patience Rick Riordan
f54670f "Hermes's eyes twinkled. "Martha, may I have the first package, please?" Martha opened her mouth ... and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister-an old-fashioned lunch box thermos with a black plastic top. The sides of the thermos were enameled with red and yellow Ancient Greek scenes-a hero killing a lion; a hero lifting up Cerberus, the three-headed dog. "That's Hercules," I said. "But how-" "Never question a gift," Hermes chided. "This is a collector's item from Hercules Busts Heads. The first season." "Hercules Busts Heads?" "Great show." Hermes sighed. "Back before Hephaestus-TV was all reality programming. Of course, the thermos would be worth much more if I had the whole lunch box-" humor collectible tv gift martha hercules percy-jackson hermes Rick Riordan
d058a14 However, because they have no actual interests of their own (or if they do, they squelch them in order to fit in) and merely pursue those that they think will look best on their college apps, they're zombies. humor indiviualism Meg Cabot
cc4f9ce " !" said Harry in a fierce voice. " -- --" "MUUUUUUM!" howled Dudley, "He's doing you know what!" magic fantasy humor J.K. Rowling
3572515 A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. humor Victor Hugo
a547cac No headboards were broken. humor twilight John Green
ec00f5d I don't believe in faeries! humor Jim Butcher
6b2d2cf You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. irony humorous funny humor witty-quotes satire wit Terry Pratchett
5aabdb5 ...only someone who'd never been an animal would put up a sign saying not to feed them.... humor Jonathan Safran Foer
4330736 In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this? money humor medicine Terry Pratchett
ed5ebaf "For Frito-Lay!" - Newel and Doren" humor doren frito lay newel satyrs fablehaven mull Brandon Mull
79a5c3a "Yuki: "What can I learn from a stupid cat like you? You didn't even know that Jason isn't really a bear. He's a character in a horror film." humor jason-voorhees manga yuki kyo fruits-basket natsuki-takaya horror Natsuki Takaya
cd7f5e1 He specialized in the murder of dreams, Hazel Grace... humor hazel-grace John Green
bd95f1f "To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago." irony shakespeare humor Roger Zelazny
e169059 "See?" she heard Shane yell at the kitchen. "She doesn't stomp around like a cattle stampede!" "Bite me, Collins! No bacon for you, either!" humor morganville-vampires shane-collins Rachel Caine
94d01a4 I couldn't claim that I was smarter than sixty-five other guys--but the average of sixty-five other guys, certainly! humor intelligence statistics mathematics Richard P. Feynman
e5a6c15 "Come work for me, and I'll tell you." My eyes went to his. "You are a thief, a cheat, a murderer, and a not-nice man," I said calmly. "I don't like you." He shrugged, the motion making him look utterly harmless. "I'm not a thief," he said. "And I don't mind manipulating you into working for me when I need it." He smiled, showing me perfect teeth. "I enjoy it, actually." humor trent rachel Kim Harrison
e195460 To be really mediaeval one should have no body. To be really modern one should have no soul. To be really Greek one should have no clothes. humor wilde clothing greeks soul Oscar Wilde
2217188 "Amy, Dan, and Nellie were sitting at a table in a conference room, examining reproductions of Franklin documents-some so rare, the librarians told her, the only copies existed in Paris. "Yeah, here's a rare grocery list," Dan muttered. "Wow." humor cahill rare sarcasm Rick Riordan
6a845fa "Sometimes I forget how much I like riding the bike." Most chicks do," I said. "Roar of the engine and so on." Murphy's blue eyes glittered with annoyance and anticipation. "Pig. You really enjoy dropping all women together in the same demographic, don't you?" It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels." women humor karrin-murphy Jim Butcher
207d6df I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland. humor Jim Butcher
912b6ff "There you go, Harry!" Ron shouted over the noise. "You weren't being thick after all -- you were showing moral fiber!" humor ron-weasley J.K. Rowling
be65cca Don't count your owls before they are delivered. humor inspirational dumbledore J.K. Rowling
5aa9f63 I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else. humor Oscar Wilde
6ea65b3 All I really wanted to do was cuddle back under the blankets, maybe with a certain stuffed toy penguin I knew. Yeah, hiding sounded good. humor Laurell K. Hamilton
32ceca1 It was one thing to snuggle a little when the world seemed about to end, and quite another to explain to her parents that she wanted to date an ancient magical horse. humor Brandon Mull
285767d "I thought you said you were the one in charge!" Ce'Nedra exclaimed. I lied." Silk said. "It's a vice I have." humor prince-kheldar silk David Eddings
daaaef5 Forgive me if I stare, I knew you were young, but even then I was expecting someone a little more, well, more. humor Christopher Paolini
5370a53 "What's next? The size of my cock?" "Hey, even pencils can get the job done--I've heard the moaning from your room to prove it." humor vishous butch J.R. Ward
ac7a28b "And then, in boating supplies, Margo located an air horn. She took it out of the box and held it up in the air, and I said, "No," and she said, "No what?" And I said, "No don't blow the air horn," except when I got to the in , she squeezed on it and it let out an excruciatingly loud honk that felt in my head like the auditory equivalent of an aneurysm, and then she said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. What was that?" And I said, "Stop b-" and then she did it again." -- humor John Green
1c3659b On Wednesday, when the sky is blue humor inspirational A.A. Milne
9acade1 Uh-oh,' said Gazzy, but Angel was so nauseated she didn't have time to leap to a safe distance, or grab a gas mask Bbbbbrrrrrrrttthhhhhhttttttt. 'Mother of God, no!' Total cried, doing a fast belly-crawl to the pool and throwing himself in. 'You said it wasn't your digestive system!' 'What was that?' Dylan asked. He winced and threw an arm oer his nose and mouth. ... 'Sorry,' Gazzy said miserably, but he couldn't help a tiny grin. Nudge was clawing at a stack of towels to cover her face. 'Nice one, Gaz,' said Iggy. ... 'Wait-that was Gazzy? Is that why you call him...Oh, crap,' Dylan said weakly. humor James Patterson
646c1ae Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin. sex humor technophobes wit technology Robert A. Heinlein
55c7c04 It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required. writing humor bad-writing dullness P.G. Wodehouse
41ffdb9 I knew you were crazy, but I didn't realize that you were out of your goddamned mind!! humor Cassandra Clare
a972050 "Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "if you were a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful." "yes," said jace. "or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats." humor city-of-fallen-angels jace Cassandra Clare
db3dc75 "Don't blame you," said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later." humor marvin h2g2 robots science-fiction Douglas Adams
d34e7a2 "Nosoi?" Percy planted his feet in a fighting stance. "You know, I keep thinking, I have now killed every single thing in Greek mythology. But the list never seems to end." "You haven't killed me yet," I noted. "Don't tempt me." humor greek-mythology fighting percy-jackson Rick Riordan
7c2ee03 By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer's icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it. christianity spirituality bible humor philosophy apple-computer-inc forbidden-fruit garden-of-eden macintosh original-sin jesus-shock old-testament laptop apple steve-jobs mac catholicism theology genesis sarcasm peter kreeft
7a08bb0 Jenks enthusiastically leaned against the counter and opened the box. Bypassing the plastic knife, he broke off about a third of it and took a huge bite. Ivy watched, appalled, and I shrugged. His mouth moving as he hummed, Jenks finished unpacking the sacks. I was half dead, Ivy was whoring herself to keep me safe, but Jenks was okay as long as he had chocolate. romance humor pixy vampire supernatural Kim Harrison
45e6faa Horses are of a breed unique to Fantasyland. They are capable of galloping full-tilt all day without a rest. Sometimes they do not require food or water. They never cast shoes, go lame or put their hooves down holes, except when the Management deems it necessary, as when the forces of the Dark Lord are only half an hour behind. They never otherwise stumble. Nor do they ever make life difficult for Tourists by biting or kicking their riders or one another. They never resist being mounted or blow out so that their girths slip, or do any of the other things that make horses so chancy in this world. For instance, they never shy and seldom whinny or demand sugar at inopportune moments. But for some reason you cannot hold a conversation while riding them. If you want to say anything to another Tourist (or vice versa), both of you will have to rein to a stop and stand staring out over a valley while you talk. Apart from this inexplicable quirk, horses can be used just like bicycles, and usually are. Much research into how these exemplary animals come to exist has resulted in the following: no mare ever comes into season on the Tour and no stallion ever shows an interest in a mare; and few horses are described as geldings. It therefore seems probable that they breed by pollination. This theory seems to account for everything, since it is clear that the creatures do behave more like vegetables than mammals. Nomads appears to have a monopoly on horse-breeding. They alone possess the secret of how to pollinate them. humor horses Diana Wynne Jones
44d936c All of those faeries and duels and mad queens and so on, and no one quoted old Billy Shakespeare. Not even once. humor Jim Butcher
1cca91a "...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' feminism women humor Tina Fey
a6941b5 "Bite me, Goth princess," Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything." "Maybe you should say that to Michael." "Not funny, Eve," Michael said. Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit," she said." funny humor eve-rosser myrnin michael-glass ghost-town morganville-vampires rachel-caine shane-collins teacher vampire vampires Rachel Caine
8d0a1d8 A horse must be a bit mad to be a good cavalry mount, and its rider must be completely so. humor Steven Pressfield
4942e89 When I was One humor inspirational A.A. Milne
66dd6a1 Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness. humor intelligence wisdom autism wisdom-vs-nerdiness sense-of-humor nerds nerd wit Nassim Nicholas Taleb
10c1ae9 "I already have one Sheepbiter here," said Eragon, and laid a hand on Saphira. "Why would I need another?" Angela broke out into a wide smile. "So you're not entirely devoid of wit after all! There just might be hope for you." And she danced off toward the keep, twirling her doublebladed staff by her side and muttering, "Fire? Bah!" A soft growl emanated from Saphira, and she said, " -- humor Christopher Paolini
a721da4 "Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there's any mud on them?" I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you're featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn't yet realize you had. You're dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy." I turned to face the door again. "I wouldn't waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots." humor molly-carpenter Jim Butcher
1422d54 "Jane's stories are too sensible. Then Diana puts too much murders into hers. She says most of the time she doesn't know what to do with the people so she kills them off to get rid of them." -Anne Shirley" reading writing friends humor L.M. Montgomery
d0d5288 A totally nondenominational prayer: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that I be forgiven for anything I may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which I may be eligible after the destruction of my body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen. prayer funny religion humor agnosticism bureaucracy mythology parody Roger Zelazny
96e17da You're some freaky shit, my brother. You really are humor love rhage brothers J.R. Ward
9865a4b Like every other creature on the face of the earth, Godfrey was, by birthright, a stupendous badass, albeit in the somewhat narrow technical sense that he could trace his ancestry back up a long line of slightly less highly evolved stupendous badasses to that first self-replicating gizmo---which, given the number and variety of its descendants, might justifiably be described as the most stupendous badass of all time. Everyone and everything that wasn't a stupendous badass was dead. humor stephenson neal wwii internet Neal Stephenson
b7409f2 When the telephoned me at home on Valentine's Day 1989 to ask my opinion about the Ayatollah Khomeini's , I felt at once that here was something that completely committed me. It was, if I can phrase it like this, a matter of everything I hated versus everything I loved. In the hate column: dictatorship, religion, stupidity, demagogy, censorship, bullying, and intimidation. In the love column: literature, irony, humor, the individual, and the defense of free expression. Plus, of course, friendship--though I like to think that my reaction would have been the same if I hadn't known Salman at all. To re-state the premise of the argument again: the theocratic head of a foreign despotism offers money in his own name in order to suborn the murder of a civilian citizen of another country, for the offense of writing a work of fiction. No more root-and-branch challenge to the values of the Enlightenment (on the bicentennial of the fall of the Bastille) or to the First Amendment to the Constitution, could be imagined. President George H.W. Bush, when asked to comment, could only say grudgingly that, as far as he could see, no American interests were involved... enlightenment irony literature hate stupidity religion friendship humor love bastille demagogy fatwa first-amendment satanic-verses washington-post united-states-constitution george-hw-bush iran khomeini theocracy intimidation dictatorship united-states rushdie individualism fascism principles bullying free-speech censorship Christopher Hitchens
4b842d1 Sometimes the most remarkable things seem commonplace. I mean when you think about it jet travel is pretty freaking remarkable. You get in a plane it defies the gravity of a entire planet by exploiting a loophole with air pressure and it flies across distances that would take months or years to cross by any means of travel that has been significant for more than a century or three. You hurtle above the earth at enough speed to kill you instantly should you bump into something and you can only breathe because someone built you a really good tin can that seems tight enough to hold in a decent amount of air. Hundreds of millions of man-hours of work and struggle and research blood sweat tears and lives have gone into the history of air travel and it has totally revolutionized the face of our planet and societies. But get on any flight in the country and I absolutely promise you that you will find someone who in the face of all that incredible achievement will be willing to complain about the drinks. humor Jim Butcher
39c5023 "And Poppy, remember that someday you will meet a frog who will turn into a handsome prince." "Good," Beatrix said. "Because all she's met so far are princes who turn into frogs." "Mr. Bayning is not a frog," Poppy protested. "You're right," Beatrix said. "That was very unfair to frogs, who are lovely creatures." humor hathaways poppy courtship Lisa Kleypas
5f8898a "No," said Hermione shortly. "Have either of you seen my copy of ?" "Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading," said Ron, but very quietly." humor out-of-character quips hermione-granger ron-weasley J.K. Rowling
2b5b32a "This did not seem to reassure Nico. "I don't like being in the dark," he muttered. An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant." humor puns nico-di-angelo Rick Riordan
969e53f If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do: You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew. And you must sew my holey socks, And soothe my troubled mind, And develop the knack for scratching my back, And keep my shoes spotlessly shined. And while I rest you must rake up the leaves, And when it is hailing and snowing You must shovel the walk...and be still when I talk, And-hey-where are you going? humor true-to-life marriage-advice Shel Silverstein
4fa90ae "We drove 22 miles into the country around Farmington. There were meadows and apple orchards. White fences trailed through the rolling fields. Soon the sign started appearing. THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED BARN IN AMERICA. We counted five signs before we reached the site. There were 40 cars and a tour bus in the makeshift lot. We walked along a cowpath to the slightly elevated spot set aside for viewing and photographing. All the people had cameras; some had tripods, telephoto lenses, filter kits. A man in a booth sold postcards and slides -- pictures of the barn taken from the elevated spot. We stood near a grove of trees and watched the photographers. Murray maintained a prolonged silence, occasionally scrawling some notes in a little book. "No one sees the barn," he said finally. A long silence followed. "Once you've seen the signs about the barn, it becomes impossible to see the barn." He fell silent once more. People with cameras left the elevated site, replaced by others. We're not here to capture an image, we're here to maintain one. Every photograph reinforces the aura. Can you feel it, Jack? An accumulation of nameless energies." There was an extended silence. The man in the booth sold postcards and slides. "Being here is a kind of spiritual surrender. We see only what the others see. The thousands who were here in the past, those who will come in the future. We've agreed to be part of a collective perception. It literally colors our vision. A religious experience in a way, like all tourism." Another silence ensued. "They are taking pictures of taking pictures," he said." photography humor satire don-delillo white-noise tourism Don DeLillo
909601f Mr Lorry asks the witness questions: Ever been kicked? Might have been. Frequently? No. Ever kicked down stairs? Decidedly not; once received a kick at the top of a staircase, and fell down stairs of his own accord. humor dickens witness lie Charles Dickens
b3fe7c2 "Well," he said with an affected sigh, "you have my approval, at least." "Why?" Hyacinth asked suspiciously. "It would be an excellent match," he continued. "If nothing else, think of the children." She knew she'd regret it, but still she had to ask. "What children?" He grinned. "The lovely lithping children you could have together. Garethhhh and Hyathinthhhh. Hyathinth and Gareth. And the thublime Thinclair tots." Hyacinth stared at him like he was an idiot. Which he was, she was quite certain of it. She shook her head. "How on earth Mother managed to give birth to seven perfectly normal children and one freak is beyond me." "Thith way to the nurthery." Gregory laughed as she headed back into the room. "With the thcrumptious little Tharah and Thamuel Thinclair. Oh, yeth, and don't forget wee little Thuthannah!" humor siblings Julia Quinn
62800b7 "We drove 22 miles into the country around Farmington. There were meadows and apple orchards. White fences trailed through the rolling fields. Soon the sign started appearing. THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED BARN IN AMERICA. We counted five signs before we reached the site. There were 40 cars and a tour bus in the makeshift lot. We walked along a cowpath to the slightly elevated spot set aside for viewing and photographing. All the people had cameras; some had tripods, telephoto lenses, filter kits. A man in a booth sold postcards and slides -- pictures of the barn taken from the elevated spot. We stood near a grove of trees and watched the photographers. Murray maintained a prolonged silence, occasionally scrawling some notes in a little book. "No one sees the barn," he said finally. A long silence followed. "Once you've seen the signs about the barn, it becomes impossible to see the barn." He fell silent once more. People with cameras left the elevated site, replaced by others. We're not here to capture an image, we're here to maintain one. Every photograph reinforces the aura. Can you feel it, Jack? An accumulation of nameless energies." There was an extended silence. The man in the booth sold postcards and slides. "Being here is a kind of spiritual surrender. We see only what the others see. The thousands who were here in the past, those who will come in the future. We've agreed to be part of a collective perception. It literally colors our vision. A religious experience in a way, like all tourism." Another silence ensued. "They are taking pictures of taking pictures," he said." -- photography humor satire don-delillo white-noise tourism Don DeLillo
9306711 "Tyrion let the eunuch help him mount. "Lord Varys," he said from the saddle, "sometimes I feel as though you are the best friend I have in King's Landing and sometimes I feel you are my worst enemy." "How odd. I think quite the same of you." friendship humor lord-varys tyrion-lannister George R.R. Martin
0b09867 States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends to hurt my feelings. I guess what bugs me is that it was put to a vote in the first place. If you don't want to marry a homosexual, then don't. But what gives you the right to weigh in on your neighbor's options? It's like voting whether or not redheads should be allowed to celebrate Christmas. humor gay-lesbian homosexual David Sedaris
109775e You've got an awfully kissable mouth. kissing kiss relationships romance humor love kissing-quotes flapper lust F. Scott Fitzgerald
bcfabfa "There are some dogs which, when you meet them, remind you that, despite thousands of years of man-made evolution, every dog is still only two meals away from being a wolf. These dogs advance deliberately, purposefully, the wilderness made flesh, their teeth yellow, their breath a-stink, while in the distance their owners witter, "He's an old soppy really, just poke him if he's a nuisance," and in the green of their eyes the red campfires of the Pleistocene gleam and flicker." humor terror Neil Gaiman
ced79c5 "It was only when the giant got halfway down the incline that he suddenly, happily, burst into flame and continued his trip saying, "NO SURVIVORS, NO SURVIVORS!" in a manner that could only indicate deadly sincerity. It was seeing him happily burning and advancing that startled the Brute Squad to screaming. And once that happened, why, everybody panicked and ran..." humor William Goldman
26de42f What you call idiot points, I call awesome dollars. ~Seth humor Brandon Mull
e6cdb56 "Black Court vampires. I just shortened it some." Ebenezar tsked. "Blampires. That's the problem with you young people. Shortening all the words." -- humor harry-dresden Jim Butcher
c90a652 "I've missed you, Sebastian." "Have you, love?" He unfastened the buttons of her robe, the light eyes glittering with heat as her skin was revealed. "What part did you miss the most?" "Your mind," she said, and smiled at his expression. "I was hoping for a far more depraved answer than that." "Your mind is depraved," she told him solemnly. He gave a husky laugh. "True." sex marriage humor sebastian Lisa Kleypas
32fdde9 "I wish you would thrash him. He deserves it." She looked back at him. "I will one day, sir. I'm getting tired of falling down." humor justice Tamora Pierce
c5bc224 "I want to see the front of you." "That's what all the girls say." "Do you expect me to roll you over? 'Cuz I will." "Your mate's not going to like this." "As if that's going to bother you?" "True. It actually makes it worth the effort." With a groan, he shoved his palms into the shimmering silver pool of blood beneath him, and flopped over like the side of beef he was. "Wow," she breathed. "I know, right? Hung like a horse." "If you're really nice--and you live through this--I'll promise not to tell V." "About my size." She laughed a little. "No, that you assumed I'd look at you in any fashion other than professionally." -- humor physical-perfection lassiter flirting teasing J.R. Ward
fb07e11 Life is All About How you Handle Plan humor inspirational Suzy Toronto
523b2f1 If you don't make a few ememies now and then, you're a coward-or worse. Besides, it as worth it to see his reaction. Oh, he was angry! - Angela to Eragon bravery humor cowardice Christopher Paolini
17222e7 "Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there. YOU HAVEn'T HEARD Og' THE BAY Og' MAnTE, HAVE YOU? he said. "No, sir," said Mort. FAMOUs sHIPWRECK THERE. "Was there?" THERE WILL BE, said Death, Ig' I CAn g'InD THE DAMn PLACE." humor Terry Pratchett
c3e962f "Why are we bringing him along, again?" Will inquired, of the world in general as well as his sister. Cecily put her hands on her hips. "Why are you bringing Tessa?" "Because Tessa and I are going to be married," Will said, and Tessa smiled; the way that Will's little sister could ruffle his feathers like no one else was still amusing to her. "Well, Gabriel and I might well be married," Cecily said. "Someday." Gabriel made a choking noise, and turned an alarming shade of purple. Will threw up his hands. "You can't be married Cecily! You're only fifteen! When I get married, I'll be eighteen! An adult!" Cecily did not look impressed. "We may have a long engagement," she said. "But I cannot see why you are counseling me to marry a man my parents have never met." marriage humor p-541 gabriel-lightwood william-herondale tessa-gray Cassandra Clare
250bac2 I remembered my little brother, Allyn, had appeared so innocent and angelic when he slept--similar to Kerrick. It must be a survival tactic. If Allyn hadn't looked so sweet, we would have killed him while he slept. He had been pure evil when he was awake--similar to Kerrick. sleep humor appearances brothers innocence survival Maria V. Snyder
83658cf The where the story happened was a world on the back of four elephants perched on the shell of a giant turtle. That's the advantage of space. It's big enough to hold practically , and so, eventually, it does. People think that it is strange to have a turtle ten thousand miles long and an elephant more than two thousand miles tall, which just shows that the human brain is ill-adapted for thinking and was probably originally designed for cooling the blood. It believes mere size is . There's nothing amazing about size. Turtles are amazing, and elephants are quite astonishing. But the fact that there's a big turtle is far less amazing than the fact that there is a turtle . myth wonder humor Terry Pratchett
27c0c7b "Not entirely fair?" His voice became that of the inferno: a rushing, booming howl of icy evil that flew around the great cavern, as swift and cold as the Wendigo on skates. "I am Satan, also called Lucifer the Light Bearer..." Cabal winced. What was it about devils that they always had to give you their whole family history? "I was cast down from the presence of God himself into this dark, sulfurous pit and condemned to spend eternity here-" "Have you tried saying sorry?" interrupted Cabal. "No, I haven't! I was sent down for a sin of pride. It rather undermines my position if I say 'sorry'!" humor johannes necromancer devil Jonathan L. Howard
12087b9 "Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending." humor Eoin Colfer
47dbc18 "Annoyed?" said Sophie. "Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me?" humor howl-s-moving-castle sophie-hatter Diana Wynne Jones
9090227 "Yes, Harry Potter!" said Dobby at once, his great eyes shining with excitement. "And if Dobby does it wrong, Dobby will throw himself off the topmost tower, Harry Potter!" "There won't be any need for that," said Harry hastily." harry-potter humor J.K. Rowling
31b8b9f Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass. shakespeare humor braggart bragging parroles ass humility pride William Shakespeare
e40aa88 "Simon turned to Jordan, who was lying down across the futon, his head propped against one of the woven throw pillows. "How much of that did you hear?" "Enough to gather that we're going to a party tonight," said Jordan. "I heard about the Ironworks event. I'm not in the Garroway pack, so I wasn't invited." "I guess you're coming as my date now." Simon shoved the phone back into his pocket. "I'm secure enough in my masculinity to accept that," said Jordan. "We'd better get you something nice to wear, though," he called as Simon headed back into his room. "I want you to look pretty." funny humor ironworks jordan-kyle city-of-fallen-angels the-mortal-instruments simon-lewis date masculinity Cassandra Clare
512f171 Of all the idiots I have met in my life, and the Lord knows they have not been few or little, I think that I have been the biggest. humor inspirational Isak Dinesen
a43ab88 "He can read your mind without even knowing." Dee's face went from pale to bright cherry. "Oh God." "What?" She smacked her hands over her face. "Well, the whole time we were downstairs, I was picturing him naked." romance humor Jennifer L. Armentrout
a53af60 People think first love is sweet, and never sweeter than when that first bond snaps. You've heard a thousand pop and country songs that prove the point; some fool got his heart broke. Yet that first broken heart is always the most painful, the slowest to mend, and leaves the most visible scar. What's so sweet about that? humor Stephen King
efb494a "Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron," Sebastian said approvingly. "Excellent choice." "You have read this?" Alexei asked. "It's not as good as Miss Davenport and the Dark Marquis, of course, but worlds better than Miss Sainsbury and the Mysterious Colonel." Harry found himself rendered speechless. "I'm reading Miss Truesdale and the Silent Gentleman right now." "Silent?" Harry echoed. "There is a noticeable lack of dialogue," Sebastian confirmed." humor Julia Quinn
0d5152f "He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap. "Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security....Turn around, please." "What?" "Turn around, Claire. It's a secure password!" "You have GOT to be kidding." "Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn." funny humor myrnin ghost-town morganville-vampires rachel-caine vampire vampires Rachel Caine
dac8c6b She is a peacock in everything but beauty! insult humor Oscar Wilde
751ffc9 You have no right to make jigsaws of people. humor Diana Wynne Jones
ea8b2a2 "Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive," that's your cue." humor magnus-chase Rick Riordan
4295f61 "After a long silence, Dodge cleared his throat. "I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'Huh?'" -Dodge(obviously)" seeing humor cleared confused dodge huh throat frank glass redd wars looking Frank Beddor
0384feb "Purple light passed over the paper, but nothing happened. "Next!" Amy said. She was sure the man in black was going to burst in on them any second. "Whoa!" Dan said. Amy gripped his arm. "You found it?" "No, but look! This whole essay - 'To the Royal Academy.' He wrote a whole essay on farts!" Dan grinned with delight. "He's proposing a scientific study on different fart smells. You're right, Amy. This guy was a genius!" humor ben-franklin dan-cahill essay fart Rick Riordan
06e4292 What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for? jesus humor Salman Rushdie
aa7bcac "Bean finds the best apple in our tree and hands it up to me. "You know what this tastes like when you first bite into it?" she asks. "No, what?" "Blue sky." "You're zoomed." "You ever eat blue sky?" "No," I admit. "Try it sometime," she says. "It's apple-flavored." humor life inspirational obvious Rodman Philbrick
55a6e99 Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it... women fantasy humor Terry Pratchett
40b46eb As Hazel marched down the hill, she cursed in Latin. Percy didn't understand all of it, but he got , , and a few choice suggestions about where Octavian could stick his knife. humor octavian the-son-of-neptune percy-jackson percy-jackson-and-the-olympians hazel-levesque insults Rick Riordan
64ce439 Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume--which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile. humor tohrment J.R. Ward
f8ccef0 Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans! humor coffee Terry Pratchett
b4ed737 "[Leo] lunged at Passalos, but the red-furred dwarf was too quick. He sprang from his chair, bounced off Jason's head, did a flip, and landed next to Leo, his hairy arms around Leo's waist. "Save me?" the dwarf pleaded. "Get off!" Leo tried to shove him away, but Passalos did a backward somersault and landed out of reach. Leo's pants promptly fell around his knees. He stared at Passalos, who was now grinning and holding a small zigzaggy strip of metal. Somehow, the dwarf had stolen the zipper right off Leo's pants. "Give--stupid--zipper!" Leo stuttered, trying to shake his fist and hoist up his pants at the same time. "Eh, not shiny enough." Passalos tossed it away." humor passalos zipper jason-grace leo-valdez Rick Riordan
e0bf1c1 "And if you don't think I can hold my own against all those eighteenth-century mortals you were out tagging, then you're a fool, Casanova." ... "Oh, yes, I know all about you." He went still. "What are you talking about?" "I was alive back then. And all the Lore heard about the ruthless warlord brothers from Estonia. The general, the scholar, the enigma, and . . . the manwhore." humor fey valkyrie immortals-after-dark kresley-cole paranormal-romance vampires Kresley Cole
bc305dc The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain. women beauty humor plainness making-love Oscar Wilde
85955d1 Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French. humor englishmen languages french P.G. Wodehouse
60188d1 I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die. family humor Oscar Wilde
5c3d231 The wacky thing about those bad guys is that you can't count on them to be obvious. They forget to wax their mustaches and goatees, leave their horns at home, send their black hats to the dry cleaner's. They're funny like that. humor harry-dresden Jim Butcher
dcd0023 "Emilio appeared with wine before Cal could say anything, and Min beamed at him, grateful for the rescue. "Emilio, my darling. I forgot to mention cake boxes. Two hundred cake boxes." "Already on it," Emilio said. "Nonna said you'd need them. She said to get four-inch-square boxes for three-inch-square cakes." "I'm getting the boxes," Min said, nodding. "Sure. Great. Fine. Your grandmother is an angel and you are my hero. And of course, a genius with food." "And you are my favorite customer." Emilio kissed her cheek and disappeared back into the kitchen. "I love him," she told Cal. "I noticed," Cal said. "Been seeing him behind my back, have you?" "Yes," Min said. "We've been having conversations about cake." "Whoa," Cal said. "For you, that's talking dirty." humor jennifer-crusie Jennifer Crusie
de7bee1 Why can't these American women stay in their own country? They are always telling us that it is the paradise for women. It is. That is the reason why, like Eve, they are so excessively anxious to get out of it. escape women humor eve paradise sarcasm Oscar Wilde
885b5a6 "I am not forgotten, you know, no, I still receive a very great deal of fan mail. . . . Gladys Gudgeon writes . . . . I just wish I knew . . . ." He paused, looking faintly puzzled, then beamed again and returned to his signing with renewed vigor. "I suspect it is simply my good looks. . . ." harry-potter humor gilderoy lockehart rowling J.K. Rowling
3dbc04a "Oh! What thing? A thing with Daemon, and if you say yes, please tell me that thing starts with an s and ends with an x." I opened my eyes and frowned. "Geez, you're worse than a dude." humor Jennifer L. Armentrout
c41ff74 And I provide much- needed eye candy. humor uriah handsome Veronica Roth
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 ▲ ▼