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Link Quote Stars Tags Author
e6002c9 Niemand hat je gesagt, dass das Universum normal ist. humor Dan Simmons
720acb7 "But when she was annoyed with me, she had a cold way of saying "Apparently" in answer to almost anything I said, making me feel stupid. "Um, I can't find the can opener." "Apparently." "There's going to be a lunar eclipse tonight." "Apparently." "Look, sparks are coming out of the wall socket." "Apparently." humour humor Donna Tartt
380e9a0 "Only a very careless father would be inclined to tell you what I'm going to tell you. I suppose I'm about to act like the disreputable uncle who everyone fears to leave the boys with because he encourages them to drink distilled spirits, stay up late, and do more than merely kiss girls." "Uh... what?" Mags replied, utterly bewildered now. "I am going," Jakyr said, leaning toward Mags, his eyes dancing with laughter, "to tell you how to please a woman." Max thought for a moment his face that caught fire, because surely it couldn't burn like that without some outside help." humor mentor Mercedes Lackey
0f3c2e0 The skin around the assistant director's eyes stretches. humor Anthony Doerr
c5becd5 Even Alf is not humorous at times. humor Jonathan Safran Foer
3abd390 However, I suppose VH1 *is* selling me something; they're selling nostalgia, which means they're selling my own memories back to me, which means they're selling me to me. humor nostalgia Chuck Klosterman
94cd7d9 To begin with, the room was not large enough for two. It looked out on a small courtyard. 'Looked out' means only that the room had two windows, against which the courtyard malevolently pressed, encroaching day by day, as though it had confused itself with a jungle. humor giovanni-s-room james-baldwin James Baldwin
e40c584 "This is the sixty-nine," I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers--two of them --on the action, so that he would not overlook it. "Why is it dubbed sixty-nine?" he asked, because he is a person hot on fire with curiosity. "It was invented in 1969. My friend Gregory knows a friend of the nephew of the inventor." "What did people do before 1969?" "Merely blowjobs and masticating box, but never in chorus." He will be made a VIP if I have a thing to do with it. This is where the story begins. But first I am burdened to recite my good appearance. I am unequivocally tall. I do not know any women who are taller than me. The women I know who are taller than me are lesbians, for whom 1969 was a very momentous year." humor everything-is-illuminated Jonathan Safran Foer
79268c8 "Lead the way. Just remember that I'm not a very good climber." "Not very good?" Beetledown laughed. "Like a dog with one leg, to put truth to it." humor physicality Tad Williams
dd1491d Objection! This defendant, evil genius that he is, has through his abhorrent actions managed to racially discriminate against every race all at the same time, to say nothing of his unabashed slaveholding. The state of California feels that it has more than enough evidence to prove that the defendant is in abject violation of the Civil Rights Acts of 1866, 1871, 1957, 1964 and 1968, the Equal Rights Act of 1963, the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments, and at least six of the goddamn Ten Commandments. history humor courtroom law Paul Beatty
31c3458 I've got some athletes who do best on 70% carbs, 20% protein, 10% fat. But they deserve their carbohydrates. They've got a great pancreas, they're in- sulin-sensitive, blah, blah, blah, they've got a lot of muscle mass. But some athletes, they're allowed 10 licks of a dried prune every 6 months. That's all they deserve and that's all they'll get. And after 6 months, they're actually al- lowed to look at calendar pictures of cakes once a week. humor workout weight Timothy Ferriss
827a153 Reach down inside yourself, Peabody, and get a grip on reality, however slippery. humor J.D. Robb
2fd1477 ...and while I had often said that I wanted to die in bed, what I really meant was that in my old age I wanted to be stepped on by an elephant while making love. humor Roger Zelazny
c8e633f Oops humor mistress-of-the-night Michael Chabon
7f97610 - ?Siempre es usted asi? - ?Como es asi? - sonrio Falco. - Tan engreido. Tan seguro de si mismo. Tan de todo. - Va por dias. - ?Y hoy es uno de esos dias? La miro con cara de buen chico. Directo a los ojos. - Depende de usted. humor Arturo Pérez-Reverte
8d0133d Imaginad el cuadro: seria vuestra merced tan amable de venir a la luz y destocarse, caballero, gracias, veo que sois el mas rubio, permitid que os introduzca una cuarta de acero toledano en los higadillos. humor Arturo Pérez-Reverte
65ee9e7 "Ha um morcego de papel da festa das bruxas pendurado num cordao acima de sua cabeca; ele levanta o braco e da um piparote no morcego, que comeca a girar. - Dia de outono bem agradavel - continua ele. Fala um pouco do jeito como papai costumava falar, voz alta, selvagem mesmo, mas nao se parece com papai; papai era um indio puro de Columbia - um chefe - e duro e brilhante como uma coronha de arma. Esse cara e ruivo, com longas costeletas vermelhas, e um emaranhado de cachos saindo por baixo do bone, esta precisando de dar um corte no cabelo ha muito tempo, e e tao robusto quanto papai era alto, queixo, ombros e peitos largos, um largo sorriso diabolico, muito branco e e duro de uma maneira diferente do que papai era, mais ou menos do jeito que uma bola de beisebol e dura sob o couro gasto. Uma cicatriz lhe atravessa o nariz e uma das macas do rosto, o luga em que alguem o acertou numa briga, e os pontos ainda estao no corte. Ele fica de pe ali, esperando, e, quando ninguem toma a iniciativa de lhe responder alguma coisa, comeca a rir. Ninguem e capaz de dizer exatamente por que ele ri; nao ha nada de engracado acontecendo. Mas nao e da maneira como aquele Relacoes Publicas ri, e um riso livre e alto que sai da sua larga boca e se espalha em ondas cada vez maiores ate ir de encontro as paredes por toda a ala. Nao como aquele riso do gordo Relacoes Publicas . Este som e verdadeiro. Eu me dou conta de repente de que e a primeira gargalhada que ouco ha anos. Ele fica de pe, olhando para nos, balancando-se para tras nas botas , e ri e ri. Cruza os dedos sobre a barriga sem tirar os polegares dos bolsos. Vejo como suas maos sao grandes e grossas. Todo mundo na ala, pacientes, pessoal e o resto, esta pasmo e abobalhado diante dele e da sua risada. Nao ha qualquer movimento para faze-lo parar, nenhuma iniciativa para dizer alguma coisa. Ele entao interrompe a risada, por algum tempo, e vem andando, entrando na enfermaria. Mesmo quando nao esta rindo, aquele ressoar do seu riso paira a sua volta, da mesma maneira com o som paira em torno de um grande sino que acabou de ser tocado - esta em seus olhos, na maneira como sorri, na maneira como fala. [1] - Meu nome e McMurphy, companheiros, R. P. McMurphy, e sou um jogador idiota. - Ele pisca o olho e canta um pedacinho de uma cancao : - .... " e sempre eu ponho ... meu dinheiro ... na mesa " - e ri de novo." humorous humor laughs mental-illness Ken Kesey
3d3312d "We could call it Herbie. And when she reaches adolescence, and goes boy-crazy, we can say "Herbie Goes Bananas" to each other over and over again, as you build the doorless turret we can lock her in." humor thoughtfulness weirdness Moran Caitlin
b1083b5 "Deceivingly, Miss Neville, the word vodka means 'little water.' The Russians are masters of the understatement." - Lord Nash" romance humor Liz Carlyle
2c4d405 "When someone makes a spectacular ass of himself, it's always in a French restaurant, never a Japanese or Italian one. The French are the people who slap one another with gloves and wear scarves to cover their engorged hickies. My understanding was that, no matter how hard we tried, the French would never like us, and that's confusing to an American raised to believe that the citizens of Europe should be grateful for all the wonderful things we've done. Things like movies that stereotype the people of France as boors and petty snobs, and little remarks such as "We saved your ass in World War II." Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos were born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are "We're number two!" humor usa french David Sedaris
3d18c80 Czesto sie twierdzi, ze ze wszystkich teorii powstalych w tym stuleciu najglupsza jest teoria kwantowa. Niektorzy uwazaja, ze na jej korzysc przemawia wylacznie to, iz jest niepodwazalnie poprawna. humor nauka Michio Kaku
8cb309a I once read a short story about some cannibals who didn't turn their victims into steaks and chops and roasts; they made them all into sausages. Because when you're eating a sausage you don't think so much about what you're eating. It's the same with communion wafers. .......... My point is, the miracle of the Holy Communion is when the priest turns these little white disks into the flesh of Jesus Christ. They call it transubstantiation. So, if you buy that, then the host the priest places on your tongue is actually a silver of Jesus meat. But they make the host as different from meat as they can, so even though communion is a form of cannibalism, nobody gets grossed out. Like with the sausages. religion god humor transubstantiation Pete Hautman
2f41abb Go Home. Cut your losses. Stay. Go for it. You are a republic of voices tonight. Unfortunately, that republic is Italy. All these voices waving their arms and screaming at one another. mind humor indecision italy Jay McInerney
97d2743 The only thing more pitiful than a middle-aged punk is a white Rastafarian. I did meet one of those once, and he was lonelier than I was. people humor Louis de Bernières
e415478 You're like crabgrass! Every time I turn around, you're on another part of the lawn! humor Gordon Korman
a1802fa "I think you're going to like these," she said, placing the stack on the table. "The whole class spent Monday and Tuesday painting them up." Raymond and Sean lifted up the top poster and stared. ARSE PRESENTS SUPER HALLOWEEN PARTY FOOD, DRINKS, GREAT MUSIC HALLOWEEN TRAMPOLINE COSTUME CONTEST FOR THE MYSTERY PRIZE DON'T MISS IT! She smiled proudly. "What do you think?" "Nice," said Sean, wondering why Raymond had suddenly gone so silent and so pale. Finally Raymond found his voice. "But Ashly, why does it say" --he pointed to the top line-- "that?" "That? That's us. Our initials--Ashly, Raymond, Sean, and Eckerman--I couldn't remember his first name." "I get it," said Sean. Raymond was positively white. "The other kids who worked on them--they didn't--say anything about the posters? The wording maybe?" "The whole class really liked them," said Ashley. "I think everyone's favorite part was the initials thing. They thought it was clever." Raymond looked up at the ceiling. "Oh, it was." clever humor initials posters unfortunate-acronym Gordon Korman
4f14022 Registration Day' by Gavin Gunhold (1899-- ) Toronto Review of Poetry, 1947 On registration day at taxidermy school I distinctly saw the eyes of the stuffed moose Move. poetry humor moose taxidermy taxidermy-school school Gordon Korman
9ea0b2d Fucksocks! It's Chet the huge shaved vampyre cat, down on the street. He looks bigger, and I think he ate a meter maid. Her little cart is running and there's an empty uniform on the curb. Bad kitty! humor vampire-kitties Christopher Moore
9d3c376 "I look through the old record collection my dad gave me. Stress relief. I shuffle through the albums feverishly and find what I'm looking for-the Proclaimers. I chuck it on and watch it spin. The ridiculous first notes of "Five Hundred Miles" come on, and I feel like going berserk. Even the Proclaimers are giving me the shits tonight. Their singing's an abomination." music humor location-1259 the-proclaimers record stress-relief singing stress Markus Zusak
c4238b3 "Oh, it'll definitely fool the Germans," Cess said. "There's no clearer proof that there's an army in the area than beer bottles and used condoms." humor wwii-fiction Connie Willis
9b1603e "It's only when you stop to think about it. I don't stop. - From "Morning" humor motion reflection introspection Donald Barthelme
2c9f187 Whatever happened, he wasn't just Mason anymore. He was Mason and something else. Like God's older brother, who takes God's money, steals his car, and fucks his girlfriend. That's Mason now. A guy who isn't afraid to pants God... humor Richard Kadrey
859c4b7 Tenemos putrefactores, plagas y oxidos capaces de atacar su alfabeto. Estos son la leche. Tenemos un producto quimico para encoger sus cabanas que penetra las fibras del bambu provocando que las chozas asfixien a sus ocupantes. Esto funciona solo despues de las diez de la noche, cuando la gente duerme. Sus matematicas estan a merced de un supurante numero sordo que hemos inventado. Tenemos una familia de peces entrenados para atacar a sus peces.Tenemos el mortal telegrama destructor de testiculos. Las companias de telecomunicaciones estan colaborando con el proyecto. Tenemos una sustancia verde que, bueno, mejor no hablo de esto. war humor Donald Barthelme
1321992 "Ci siamo trovati tutti coinvolti in una discussione sul genere di software che progetterebbero i cani, se potessero farlo. Secondo Marty, si tratterebbe di programmi per delimitare il territorio, con simulatori di pipi e interfacce lappabili. Antonella ha tirato fuori l'idea di un OssoFinder. Ad Harold e venuta in mente una cuccia fatta col CAD, tutto altamente cartone animato/sensoriale, con un sacco di elementi visuali. Poi naturalmente e saltata fuori la questione felina del catware. Antonella ha suggerito un programma di segreteria personale in grado di dire al mondo: "No, non voglio essere coccolato. E per favore, controlla tutte le telefonate prima di passarmele". Io ho suggerito un programma che dorme tutto il tempo" humor Douglas Coupland
e36be8b "There's no need to say anything to Mr. Turing. I was the one who wasn't watching where I was going" "You were the one?" Mavis said indignantly. "Turing never pays the slightest attention to where he's going. He simply plows through pedestrians" Elspeth nodded. "Someone needs to tell him he must be more careful! He could have injured you!" And I could have injured him, Mike thought. Or killed him. If Turing had lost control of his bicycle and crashed into a lamppost instead of the curb, or into a brick wall... Mavis said, "I've a good mind to tell Cap--" "No. There's no need to tell anybody. I'm Fine. No Harm done. Thank you for picking me up and dusting me off." He picked up his bag, which Mavis had carried in... "Watch out for Turing on your way there," Joan cut in. "And for Dilly," Elspeth said. "He's even worse about not watching where he's going, and he has a car! Whenever he comes to a crossing, he speeds up." "Dilly?" Mike said hoarsely. humor bad-drivers bletchley-park ultra wwii driving Connie Willis
666e41e Just think of it as a picnic with guns and monsters instead of mosquitoes and ants. Do we have fun or what? fantasy humor Laurence Yep
377b22c Anyway, the reason I hate communion isn't the meat-eating component. I get hungry enough, I'll eat anything. The reason I hate it is because everybody in the church except me, Jason Bock, stands up and gets in line for their little snack. I sit there alone in the pew while everybody stares at me as they file past. I sit there and burn under hellfire and damnation stare my father gives me. And I feel awful. But what choice do I have? According to Father Haynes, if a nonbeliever takes Holy Communion, he'll be damned for all eternity. Of course, being a nonbeliever damns me anyway, so I suppose it doesn't really matter, but I figure it's safer not to partake. Just in case I'm wrong about the whole God thing. So I sit and endure the stares and the pangs and twinges of Catholic guilt, knowing that I am doing the right thing if I'm right, and the right thing even if I'm wrong. Being Catholic is hard. Being ex-Catholic is even harder. humor godless communion Pete Hautman
0e0a46a None of my family is good at being patient. It's why we all become doctors. humor patience Anne McCaffrey
29e13a3 Ah, we shall never have a real aristocracy while this plebeian reluctance to live upon a parent or a wife continues the animating spirit of our youth. It strikes at the foot of the feudal system! youth humor Howells William Dean
24787d3 "Oh, God. Not again." Not again? "Do you make a habit of driving into people's houses?" humor life christina-dodd virtue-falls thriller suspense Christina Dodd
0c391ed "You can take him, right?" he asks a couple minutes later. humor Rodman Philbrick
31d0d58 "..."Holy crap!" Rachel wondered what it was about extreme disaster that made people invoke both religion and excrement - bookends to mark the polarities of human condition?" humor Douglas Coupland
6421b42 "God's agenda is so glorious, and His love and purposes for our lives are so great, that everything else pales in comparison. We should all be like Nehemiah, who, when the enemies of Israel tried to get him to come out of the city and talk with them on the Plain of Ono, said, "...I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work cease while I leave it and go down to you?" humor christian-values christian-living encouraging priorities Bill Johnson
1c6d704 "Where in the nine hells did you ever find the notion that I would fight fair?" -Drizzt Do'Urden" humor R.A. Salvatore
a184d2b He has not the faintest idea that I am ugly and we are very happy together. humor Jane Gardam
fc5906a Crud. What was she supposed to do? Protect herself or the pretzels? humor dilemmas pretzels Stephanie Rowe
5e1dbf3 "He smiled - a real smile. Damn. It was easier to deal with him when he was being thoroughly vile. "Look, I'm sorry for being so rude earlier today. Your presence came as something of a shock and I reacted badly." "Oh." Geared for battle, his apology took me utterly by surprise. I gaped. "Aunt Arabella spoke very highly of you," he added, heaping coals of fire on my head. "She was impressed by your work on the Purple Gentian." "Why all this sudden amiability?" I asked suspiciously, crossing my arms across my chest. "Are you always this blunt?" "I'm too tired to be tactful," I said honestly. "Fair enough." Stretching, Colin detached himself from the wall. "Can I make you some hot chocolate as a token of peace? I was just about to have some myself," he added. Suiting action to words, he loped over to the counter beside the sink and checked the level of water in a battered brown plastic electric kettle. Satisfied, he plugged it into the wall, flipping the red switch on the side. I followed him over to the counter, the linen folds of the nightgown trailing after me across the linoleum. "As long as you promise not to slip any arsenic in it." Colin rooted around in a cupboard above the sink for the cocoa tin and held it out to me to sniff. "See? Arsenic free." I leant back against the counter, my elbows behind me on the marble work surface. "I don't think arsenic is supposed to have a smell, is it?" "Damn, foiled again." Colin spooned Cadbury's instant hot chocolate into two mugs, one decorated with large purple flowers, and the other with a quotation that I thought might be Jane Austen, but the author's name was hidden around the other side of the mug. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I promise to do a very bad job hiding your body." "In that case, carry on," I yawned." humor arsenic eloise colin Lauren Willig
5c0866e She had only two modes of operation: complete control or complete insanity. humor insanity Ilona Andrews
2e469cc I was seeing something I didn't understand and did not want to. No I wasn't. I was seeing something I had always understood and wanted to understand better. humor growing-up Jane Gardam
0c0dca4 When she looked at him with those dark eyes, Nassar felt the urge to say something intelligent and deeply impressive. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind came to mind. romance funny humor Ilona Andrews
92c4409 "... I wonder why she hasn't spread the tale." "The only reason she would not is if she is ill or the story would somehow reflect badly on herself," replied Lady Badgery. "Otherwise, Portia Troutbridge has never been known to keep a scandal to herself." "Oh, I do hope she is ill!" exclaimed Truthful. "I mean, only just ill enough to keep the news quiet for a little longer. Is that too dreadful of me?" "Not at all," announced Lady Badgery. "It is a very reasonable desire. In the case of Portia Troutbridge I myself would wish for something much more severe. Scarlet fever, perhaps. Or the plague." humor tittle-tattle tattling Garth Nix
87ca5b9 I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts. women humor Jim Butcher
611c76f Jody screamed at him: a high, explosive, unintelligible expulsion of pure inhuman frustration--a Hendrix high note sampled and sung by a billion suffering souls in Hell's own choir. humor Christopher Moore
3212530 As Martin noted, to the detectives conducting his interview, it was a good thing he'd been inebriated, because otherwise he would have wasted time screaming and running about - especially once he realized he was standing in a pool of blood. Instead, with the slow methodical patience of the drunk and terrified, Martin Turner dialed 999 and asked for the police. humor Ben Aaronovitch
c1777bd "It started at one thirty on a cold Tuesday morning in January when Martin Turner, Street performer and, in his own words, apprentice gigolo, tripped over a body in front of the West Portico of St. Paul's at Covent Garden. Martin, who was none too sober himself, at first thought the body was that of one of the many celebrants who had chosen the Piazza as a convenient outdoor toilet and dormitory. Being a seasoned Londoner, Martin gave the body the "London once-over" - a quick glance to determine whether this was a drunk, a crazy or a human being in distress. The fact that it was entirely possible for someone to be all three simultaneously is why good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like BASE jumping or crocodile wrestling. Martin, noting the good quality coat and shoes, had just pegged the body as a drunk when he noticed that it was in fact missing its head." humor Ben Aaronovitch
1d1fe55 Fuck me,' I said out loud, 'I'm in fairyland. humor peter-grant Ben Aaronovitch
122328a "Despite what you think you know, most people don't want to fight, especially when evenly matched. ... That's why you see those young men doing the dance of "don't hold me back" while desperately hoping someone likes them enough to hold them back." humor paranormal-thriller series urban-fantasy Ben Aaronovitch
60c3c1c Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect. kids humor storm_front Jim Butcher
75e4779 In tutta sincerita, mi sforzo di prendere la faccenda allegramente, anche se, a dispetto delle mie proteste, la maggior parte delle persone trova difficile credermi. Per favore, fidati di me. Posso davvero essere allegra. Posso essere amabile. Affettuosa. Affabile. E queste sono solo le parole che cominciano per A. Non chiedermi pero di essere bella: essere bella non e da me. death humor inspirational Markus Zusak
bfd58d2 "Alecto... what do you think would happen if people found out about you? Your abilities, your life, Mearth's super 8 films, those powers of yours... how would they react?" "I don't know," said Alecto, "but ordinary people like a show, especially when it's a disturbing one. They enjoy seeing misery... probably because it allows them to pretend that they themselves are not so miserable, too. Also, they would probably find out about you, how you know about Personifications, how you saw the films... they would put us in cages and throw peanuts at us, I guess." "All joking aside, Alecto...." "Who is joking, Mandy Valems?" humor peanuts psychokinesis psychokinetic pyrokinetic super-8 super-8-film super-eight telekinesis throw pyrokinesis ordinary show film powers misery joke Rebecca McNutt
cd41297 Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench. women humor Jim Butcher
6a3e392 "It's a note. Let me read it for you. 'Couldn't anyone else see that they were all slaves of Satan? I had to cleanse the world of their evil. I am the hand of God. Why else would security have let me into the building with an assault rifle in my suitcase? I am a divine instrument.'" Tommy paused and looked up. "That's all I have so far, but I'll guess I end it with an apology to my mom. What do you think?" writing humor evil Christopher Moore
1501bd2 "The witch turned this way and that, "I think I've kept my figure, don't you?" she asked Mewster. "Who else would want it?" "Don't be snarky." She batted her eyelashes at her reflection. "I do believe I have my mother's eyes." "Maybe it's time you give them back. Your mother's bee dead since the reign of Oleg the Incontinent." humor witch Gregory Maguire
87f8f52 Yes, and had your hotel proved slightly less psychotic, matters would never have got as far out of hand as they have. humor Richard K. Morgan
226561d She was spontaneously created by the midichlorians,' I said. Both women gave me blank looks. 'Never mind. humor star-wars-reference peter-grant jokes star-wars Ben Aaronovitch
1f714e1 By this point I was eager to emulate Guleed and merge unobtrusively with the imitation French farmhouse fittet cupboard and counter unit behind me. humor Ben Aaronovitch
7b88172 Ukridge was the sort of man who asks you to dinner, borrows money from you to pay the bill, and winds up the evening by embroiling you in a fight with a cabman. humor udridge P.G. Wodehouse
d832885 "What plan of action? What can be done? We can't fight the whole society." "I was thinking we could use you as bait and draw them into a trap," Gregori said, straight-faced. Gary's eyes widened in alarm. "I'm not sure I like that plan. Sounds a little risky to me." He looked at Savannah for support. Gregori shrugged his broad shoulders in a casual shrug. "I do not see a risk." Savannah's small clenched fist thumped his stomach in retaliation. Gregori glanced down at her with surprise. "Is this when I am supposed to say ouch?" Savannah and Gary exchanged a long, mournful groan. "Why did I want him to have a sense of humor?" she wondered. Gary shook his head. "Don't be asking me. You created the monster." humor ouch gregori-and-savannah monster Christine Feehan
d6c5638 His friend laughed. 'You missed your calling, Freddie,' he said. 'You should have been one of the aforementioned clergy. Is this what marriage does to you? One shudders at the very idea. marriage romance humor witty-banter dancing-with-clara regency-romance mary-balogh regency dialogue cynicism Mary Balogh
afe79bb "Wie fuhlen Sie sich?', fragte der Arzt. 'Etwas in Sorge, ehrlich gesagt. Ich habe getraumt, dass mich Jesus Christus besucht und wir ein langes, tiefgehendes Gesprach gefuhrt haben.' jesus humor das-labyrinth-der-lichter fermìn fußball witzig zafon Carlos Ruiz Zafón
19d1265 Weightlessness is like heroin, or how I imagine heroin must be. You try it once, and when it's over, all you can think about is how much you want to do it again. But apparently the thrill wears off. funny science humor mary-roach space sci-fi Mary Roach
88992c5 I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who propagates POODLES! humor historical satire witchcraft Richard Curtis
4291af3 "Or, as Nikolas had said, in tones of admiration, "She can tell you to go to hell in a way that will send you running off to pack your bags." girl-power humor Mercedes Lackey
5a0d599 So, that's okay. It's not like you're turning into an Endarkened or something, like Kellen's evil stepbrother Anigrel the Black. humor inside-joke location-2115 page-120 the-phoenix-unchained character-tiercel james-mallory mercedes-lackey Mercedes Lackey
003016b Armata, casatoria, biserica si banca: cei patru calareti ai Apocalipsei. dark humor Carlos Ruiz Zafón
edd90e9 When you live with a woman you learn something every day. So far I have learned that long hair will clog up the shower drain before you can say 'Liquid-Plumr'; marriage humor married-life shower Audrey Niffenegger
e7b4f09 Over and over again, Harriet read the story about Lazarus in the Bible, but it refused to address even the most basic questions. What had Lazarus to say to Jesus and his sisters about his week in the grave? Did he still smell? Was he able to go back home and carry on living with his sisters, or was he frightening to the people around him and perhaps had to go off somewhere and live by himself like Frankenstein's monster? She could not help thinking that if she, Harriet, had been there, she would have had more to say on the subject than Saint Luke did. humor resurrection Donna Tartt
0eba18f England resembles a ship in its shape' wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson in English Traits. He was wrong... England, of course, resembles a pig, with something on its back. Look at it. It is a hurrying pig; its snout is the south-west in Wales, and its reaching trotters are Cornwall, and its rump is East Anglia. The whole of Britain looks like a witch riding on a pig, and these contours - rump and snout and bonnet, and the scowling face of Western Scotland - were my route. travel humor geography Paul Theroux
38295de "Falderson," he said quietly to Bahzell in passable Navahkan, "is as stupid as the day is long." He craned his neck to gaze up at the hradani and shook his head. "In fact, he's even stupider than I thought. You, sir, are the biggest damned hradani-no offense-I think I've ever seen." stupidity humor hradani humours large day tall long dumb stupid David Weber
4e3699a If you think it's bad now, my friend, wait till we reach a town!' He shook his head and brushed at his tattered, dirty shirtsleeve. 'Do try to remember we're visitors-and not welcome ones-if you should feel moved to reason with anyone. travel reason humor foreigner unfriendly visitor humours foreign foreigners traveling David Weber
f7df2df There is something about a man with a beard I cannot stand. No particular reason for it. Prejudice, I suppose. I feel the same way about cats. humor arrogant beards egotistical pompous pomposity distrust cats Charles Willeford
3279039 "The professor pointed out how he could drop a keel and a propeller into the water, in case he came down at sea, and after cutting the gas bag loose he'd have a seaworthy boat. He had everything on board for survival at sea, including fancy fishing gear, flares and weather balloons for distress signals, and both shortwave radio equipment and a low-frequency system for round-the-world communications. "Boy! This is somethin' right out of Jules Verne...only better, maybe," said Homer. You are right, Mr. Snodgrass," said the professor. "It is ze only way to travel. You don't go so fast, but it beats swimming! Yes? And we have everysing for safety and comfort at sea, if we have to come down. Ze only thing we have to worry about is piranhas. Oh, zey are terrible! Zey will eat everysing in sight!" "Piranhas?" Homer gasped. "I thought they were only found in South American Rivers?" "Oh?" said the professor. "Do ze piranhas know zat, Mr. Snodgrass?" humor jules-verne piranhas ocean Bertrand R. Brinley
a324e8f Maria, groaning for scraps, would drape his head on my feet as I ate, trying to camouflage himself as my napkin or the rug. dogs humor Arthur Phillips
dbe5231 "These poor souls. These poor pathetic souls." The Emperor gestured toward the passersby. "I don't understand," Tommy said. "Their time has passed and they don't know what to do. They were told what they wanted and they believed it. They can only keep their dream alive by being with others like themselves who will mirror their illusions." "They have really nice shoes," Tommy said. "They have to look right or their peers will turn on them like starving dogs. They are the fallen gods. The new gods are producers, creators, doers. The new gods are the chinless techno-children who would rather eat white sugar and watch science-fiction films than worry about what shoes they wear. And these poor souls desperately push papers around hoping that a mystical message will appear to save them from the new, awkward, brilliant gods and their silicon-chip reality. Some of them will survive, of course, but most will fall. Uncreative thinking is done better by machines. Poor souls, you can almost hear them sweating." metaphor reality humor happiness emperor-of-san-francisco shoes Christopher Moore
caddcd6 "Do you think people can be rehabilitated and forgiven?" "Sure! Look at Ollie North." "Well, he lost that Senate race. He was not sufficiently forgiven." "But he got some votes," Jan insisted. humor lorrie-moore Lorrie Moore (Author)
35567fa Nunca discutas sobre Dios. Lo mejor es decir 'Estoy de acuerdo contigo'. Entonces vas a tu casa y rezas lo que tu quieres. Esta es mi idea para que las personas esten en paz con la religion. religion humor Elizabeth Gilbert
2acdf0b There are just people going about what they always do. Talking. Parking crooked. people funny humor location-3548 parking human-nature Markus Zusak
57d59ae El alma es cosa tan impalpable, tan inutil a menudo, y en ocasiones tan molesta, que, al perderla, no senti mas que una emocion algo menor que si se me hubiera extraviado, yendo de paseo, una tarjeta de visita. humor poesía Charles Baudelaire
6cc6f77 Un hombre espantoso entra y se mira al espejo. <>. El hombre espantoso me contesta: <>. humor fealdad hombre poesía Charles Baudelaire
913950b El pecado de Onan. Derramar en el suelo la vieja semilla. Atar el camello. Quitarle el polvo al burro. Azotar al fariseo. Onanismo, el pecado que requiere de cientos de horas de practica para ser dominado, o al menos eso era lo que yo me decia a mi mismo. Dios mato a Onan por derramar su semilla en el suelo (la semilla de Onan, no la de Dios). humor jesus-christ messiah Christopher Moore
d86450d ...I was startled out of my concentration by the sound of malicious hissing. Waddling toward me with remarkable speed were two huge white geese, their heads thrust forward, mouths open like snakes with their tongues protruding, emitting a terrifying sound. I gave a low involuntary cry and began to backtrack toward my car, afraid to take my eyes off them. They covered the ground between us at a pace that forced me into a run. I barely reached my car before they caught up with me. I wrenched the door open and slammed it again with a panic I hadn't felt in years. I locked both doors, half expecting the viperous birds to batter at my windows until they gave way. For a moment they balanced, half lifted, wings flapping, black eyes bright with ill-will, their hissing faces even with mine. And then they lost interest and waddled off, honking and hissing, pecking savagely at the grass. Until that moment, it had never even occurred to me to include crazed geese among my fears, but they had suddenly shot straight to the top of the list along with worms and water bugs. humor Sue Grafton
f950be7 (Sam) Rafe grinned. humor rafe sam Kelley Armstrong
c996891 "Right." A soft, choked laugh. "Kind of ruins the dramatic effect if I'm storming off in the wrong direction, doesn't it?" humor Kelley Armstrong
29a12c4 For an instant Stile was daunted by the improbability of it all: a man, a cyborg, a robot, an animalhead, and a wooden golem, all riding unicorns through a battlefield strewn with goblins and dragons, pursuing an invaluable ball of power-rock that rolled along a channel cleared by plastic explosive. What a mishmash! magic science humor Piers Anthony
b82cbb2 Zhizn' -- odinochestvo, izredka narushaemoe bogami, kotorye drazniat nas svoei druzhboi i sluchainym trakhom. humor inspirational philosophy-of-life Christopher Moore
9b32cc8 Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It makes people think you're dead. loss humour death humor Christopher Fowler
b9d68a5 Remember to remember: sometimes your adversary is your biggest asset. Where would David be without Goliath? Jesus without Judas? irony bravery courage inspiration motivation strength success life-lessons humor wisdom adversity achievement-attitude growth Brandi L. Bates
10c4fd9 "I gave you all!" screeched Lear, waving a palsied claw at Regan. "And you took your bloody time giving it, too, you senile old fuck," said Regan." shakespeare humor king-lear paraphrased Christopher Moore
c9b0d60 "Plans?" he snorted. "I'm ninety-three years old! Who in tarnation makes plans at my age? I could stop breathin' any minute now." humor Linda Howard
5b1ea60 "Thanks to Dashiell Hammett. "He was thin, walked with a stick, and was the only private dick I knew who used the pockets of his sport coat. Maybe that means something, maybe not." Ramone Ramone, 2013" fiction humor mystery Thomas deKooning
cf81a39 THE NEXT DAY WAS RAIN-SOAKED and smelled of thick sweet caramel, warm coconut and ginger. A nearby bakery fanned its daily offerings. A lapis lazuli sky was blanketed by gunmetal gray clouds as it wept crocodile tears across the parched Los Angeles landscape. When Ivy was a child and she overheard adults talking about their break-ups, in her young feeble-formed mind, she imagined it in the most literal of essences. She once heard her mother speaking of her break up with an emotionally unavailable man. She said they broke up on 69th Street. Ivy visualized her mother and that man breaking into countless fragments, like a spilled box of jigsaw pieces. And she imagined them shattered in broken shards, being blown down the pavement of 69th Street. For some reason, on the drive home from Marcel's apartment that next morning, all Ivy could think about was her mother and that faceless man in broken pieces, perhaps some aspects of them still stuck in cracks and crevices of the sidewalk, mistaken as grit. She couldn't get the image of Marcel having his seizure out of her mind. It left a burning sensation in the center of her chest. An incessant flame torched her lungs, chest, and even the back door of her tongue. Witnessing someone you cared about experiencing a seizure was one of those things that scribed itself indelibly on the canvas of your mind. It was gut-wrenching. Graphic and out-of-body, it was the stuff that post traumatic stress syndrome was made of. sex emotion poetry meaning beauty inspiration humor love wisdom black-authors black-history deity literary-fiction scorpios valentine-s-day wilmington rebirth prose foodies stress knowledge new-york Brandi L. Bates
d8f7e6a Only in Xanth would parents see a dragon looming over their children and depart with confidence. humor Piers Anthony
0e384eb A little eccentricity is a help to a general. It helps with the newspapers. The women love it too. Southern women like their men religious and a little mad. That's why the fall in love with preachers. religion humor love southern-women Michael Shaara
e63fb39 Your key hobbies need to be long country walks (get some fresh air in those lungs!), masturbation, and the revolution. Between those three, you should, in the long term, stay relatively sane. feminism humor Caitlin Moran
8eadc19 "The Hollywooden heads would buy a car for almost any purpose except a worthy one. Many automobiles were purchased to attract members of LA's eight or ten opposite sexes. Since the denizens of America's Gomorrah, were incapable of verbalizing any idea more complex than "box office gross," the expensive car served as a substitute for witty come-on and seductive chat." sex humor hollywood los-angeles P.J. O'Rourke
8f87126 "PJ's suggested chant, for pointless protest marches: "Five, four, three, two. We don't have a doggone clue!" humor pointless protest P.J. O'Rourke
1387c52 "It seems that being a woman is very expensive and time-consuming. My innocence about this is incongruous, given my age, but total. I come from grunge, and then Britpop--scenes where you boast about how little you spend on an outfit ("Three quid! From a jumble sale!" "Ooooh, pricey--I found this jacket in a Dumpster. On a dead man. Under a fox carcass"), and taking pride in "getting ready to go out" consists of little more than washing your face, putting on your Doc Martens/snaeakers, and applying black Barry M nail polish, PS1, on the bus into town." feminism humor Caitlin Moran
ce7cb99 Becoming a woman felt a bit like becoming famous. For, from being benevolently generally ignored - the base-line existence of most children - a teenage girl is suddenly fascinating to others, and gets bombarded with questions: What size are you? Have you done it yet? Will you have sex with me? Have you got ID? Do you want to try a puff of this? Are you seeing anyone? Have you got protection? What's your signature style? Can you walk in heels? Who are your heroes? Are you getting a Brazilian? What porn do you like? Do you want to get married? When are you going to have kids? Are you a feminist? Were you just flirting with that man? What do you want to do? WHO ARE YOU? All ridiculous questions to ask of a 13-year-old simply because she now needs a bra. They might as well have been asking my dog. I had absolutely no idea. women humor Caitlin Moran
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